34 week OB update

I am up to 155lbs. so I am gaining more and more and more. I need to put the brakes on this nonsense and start eating salads for lunch instead of quarter pounders!! My BP is good, urine neg, fetal HB is great. Baby is moving around all the time. The Dr. stated that the head is down now, she placed my fingers down near my pubic bone and told me that I was feeling the baby's head. I felt something but my untrained fingers couldn't tell a baby head from a full bladder!
At least now I know why I have to urinate every half hour though! The head is probably compressing my bladder to the size of a thimble.:)
She was going to do my group B strep test this week or next but I reminded her that I was positive last time so she said we could skip the test and they will give me antibiotics during labor anyway, since I most likely am still a carrier. I do have to schedule my last U/S in the next couple weeks, my mom is going to go with me and bring Seth along so he can see the baby.
I will be going every week now until the end. I can't believe it's almost here!!!!! A little scary actually.
I have been having alot of pelvic discomfort lately, in the back and especially in my pubic bone area. ( Again, easily explained by the baby's head down position) Alot of pressure as well. Very annoying. My mom is predicting that I won't make it to my due date and her husband is predicting Feb. 19. I don't know what I think. Seth made it to his due date and I would have gone past if I wasn't induced so I am not thinking I will go early.

We are in the process of painting the nursery. Then we will shampoo the carpet and we will be able to set up the furniture. What little furniture we have, of course. I have a glider chair and a changing table and a swing.I just need a set of drawers and a crib. Wow! I can't believe it's almost time!!!!

Good fortune occurs when you least expect it

I haven't ever been the most religious person around. I believe in God but I don't attend church nor do I pray often. Somehow He has been good to me all of these years, maybe I have a guardian angel or perhaps just a bit of luck.
This week has been super tight as far as finances go. I mean we are talking about $25 until Friday tight. But we received a check in the mail today from our mortgage company today for $248! Apparently our escrow account had a surplus...AND as of March 1st our mortgage payment will be reduced from $821.00 to $755.00!! Every little bit counts, you know.
See what I mean about guardian angels and luck? You may think I'm crazy, but I truly believe someone upstairs is looking out for me.:)

Florida winters are ridiculous!

Today it was in the high 80s with the heat index. I was so very hot! I would LOVE a few days in the snow , I'd probably strip my clothes right off and run around in the cold. Ok , not really. But I bet that would be refreshing!!!

Another bump in the road...

Of course, will it ever end? And my mom wonders why I'm such a nutcase these days.
David has a slow work week (again) next week. So I paid the mortgage with my most recent pay check and the next one I would like to get back on track and pay it early. How am I going to pay all of the other crap that's due, you ask? Good question. I have about $600 bills due for the rest of the month..not including credit cards. My credit card is majorly over limit due to late fees and interest and the minimum due is $ 522.00!!! I think I am going to have to suck it up and take it to a credit counseling agency because the interest and fees are eating me alive!!!
I was hoping that I could pay the rest of the bills with the paychecks David recieves in the next couple weeks but if they are slow I am out of luck. David says that we could get caught up with our tax return but i had to remind him that the tax return will need to keep us going for the 3 months I am out of work because I may not get my short term disability check until near the end of my leave.
Oddly enough I feel better having written all of that, sort of like i have transferred my worries onto someone elses shoulders, even though I haven't.
At least while David is out of work he can clean the baby room and prepare it for furniture. He gets awfully irritable when I nag him about it and financial issues but I need to remember that he is probably more stressed out than me. It's not HIS fault his work is slow and he is well aware that it's the worst time for this to happen. He wants to be the good provider that takes care of his family but things aren't seeming to work out this way.
I would like to have the room clear and ready for my baby shower stuff on Saturday. I need somewhere to put my stuff and set up the swing and all. If I don't have a crib yet it's okay since I will be getting the cradle back from my sis and baby will be sleeping in that at first anyway.
I need to get a set of drawers to put the baby clothes in. I suppose that I could always use a couple of Seth's empty drawers in his room for now. So the furniture will be a little sparse..eh, it's small room anyway.

I always like to think that God won't ever give you something you can't handle, but i am a little more sensitive to my surroundings than most. I like to think God knows that. But I also think that God may not be too pleased with me, I still blame him for things that go wrong. David consistently reminds me that I shouldn't do that. I rarely bring myself to pray because I am so bitter over the circumstances in my own life. I seem to think I am special and that I deserve better and wonder why I am being punished after I have worked so hard to get where I am. Did I not work hard enough? Is it because I am a moody and anxious person? I suppose God made me that way and he doesn't make mistakes , does he?
Has He given up on me? Is it because I wonder how some people are born into extreme wealth and don't have to lift a finger and they aren't good people? How is that fair when I struggle? I guess I feel like I want to give up at times.
God has given me a wonderful family and if you could survive on love I would be in excellent shape. I have the most adorable, sweet kid ever ( don't know how that happened!) A husband that thinks I am the hottest woman ever even when I am big, pregnant and stretchmarked. He always says the right thing. And a family that would do anything for each other. Even when we tend to get on each other's nerves at times!
I guess that I do have wealth of some sort, but I sure wish it would help me pay the bills.

If anyone out there finished this entire entry, I apologize wholeheartedly for my ramblings. But thank you for taking your time. Maybe say a prayer for me. :)

He's just a little guy:(

While we were at the playground today Seth was running around saying" hi!" to all of the other kids ( and their moms too) He happened to really like this other boy that was around the same size as him, his mom said that he was 18 months old! Seth is about 27 months old and was the same size as this little boy. So I look up all of the growth charts and all and I see that he is in the 10-25% for weight and 25% for height, and that's just barely. He is 25lbs. and 34 inches. Just a little guy.:( I worry about this. But the Dr. said in October that Seth has always been on the small side so he's consistent. And that even a kid in the 25% averages at about 5'8" at full height.
I guess Seth will be little like us, I was hoping that he would get tall genes from my dad's side of the family. I am 5'5" and David is 5'6" and neither of us have ever been heavy, actually in our younger years we were both a little underweight. Oh, well. I just don't want him to be the shortest kid in the class when he gets to school, you know?
Otherwise he's developing quite normally talking , running, climbing, and his social skills are excellent. Now if I could just get him to stop using the bottle!! He adamantly refuses to drink from any other type of cup, he throws it down and won't have anything to do with it. I don't want him to end up dehydrated!

Seth loves Soundgarden??

As we were cruising along listening to my Soundgarden CD I looked back and Seth is bopping away to it. Now, he does this most anytime he hears music at home but it's usually songs on his TV shows, not Soundgarden of all things. Weird, but he does try to sing along to my Hinder and Killers CDs. Not sure if that's a good thing come to think of it.
But I just can't bring myself to listen to kid's music in the car. Nope, can't do it.
I brought the car in for repairs this morning. I ended up with a Ford Focus rental, piece of crap if you ask me. My car is far better kept up and much nicer on the inside and outside. I wasn't ever foolish enough to believe that my Chevy Cobalt was a luxury car or anything but next to the thing I'm driving today it may as well be. The Focus is quite basic and boring..and automatic. My Cobalt is so much better, at least it's only for a couple days.

It's all coming together..

This weekend David worked very, very hard. He cleaned and painted the garage, AND he moved all the furniture into the garage from the future baby room. So now everything is set up in the garage and it's actually quite nice and homey. We have to let the other room air out a bit and David is going to get some carpet remnants somewhere so we can have some new carpet in there. Then I will just need to fix it up and set up the baby stuff. I need to get the cradle from my sister and some time in the next 7 weeks we will get a crib. I have a swing and stroller and changing table and well, the basics. But I will be getting some stuff at my baby shower on the 27th. I love to have less to worry about.
David's work is picking up beginning this next week so we will have some money again!!! Yay!!! I think it's going to be a-okay.

My flippin' vanity is a horrible thing!

I don't like being big, granted I'm not overweight, I am pregnant but I would much rather be normal again. My feet ache because I weigh so much and my back aches due to my big belly and supersize boobs. I feel so slow and heavy at all times.
I like to be thin and energetic so I can run and play with my son. So I can out in public and feel good about myself and look healthy. And ,of course, I like to feel like I look good when I go places. Instead of thinking that I look like an enormous blob.
I want my energy back.

33 week appt.

Everything is normal. I weigh 150 and my BP is 100/68. I told the ARNP about my lingering anxiety following the accident and the excessive Braxton-Hicks contractions I was having afterwards as well.As long as the baby is still moving all around she wasn't worried.
My back is still a bit tender in areas but it doesn't consistently hurt.
The damage to my car is estimated to cost $750.00. I am going to drop it off next wed. and pick it up the following day. I also will be getting a rental car-hopefully something cool.


The picture is of David and Seth watching "The Lord of the Rings" last night. I think I will keep them both, they are awfully cute!

Car crash

Today Seth and I had lunch at Mamaw's house. We had a lovely time and Seth and I were quite worn down. On the way home I thought I would take the long way in hopes that Seth would fall asleep in the car and take a short nap, since he refuses to nap like normal kids. Anyway, the traffic on Midway was horrible, the cars were backed up for quite a ways at the stop light, eh, I wasn't in a hurry so no big deal. After sitting in traffic for a couple minutes I felt a sudden bump from behind. Blech, I'd been hit!
First thing I did was look in the back seat at Seth..well, he was happy as can be, obviously not injured. He didn't even realize what happened.
So I get out of the car and start having a lovely anxiety attack, meanwhile I was getting some wicked Braxton-Hicks contractions. They seemed to continue quite frequently for an hour afterward as well.
The guy who hit me tried to play down the damage, but I informed him that it was a lease car and I needed to have ANY damage repaired. My bumper was very scraped up and slightly dented. We also noticed later that the pressure from hitting the center of the bumper had slightly displaced the bumper on either side where it meets the rest of the car.
Anyway I told the guy I needed to call the police, but first I called my husband because I was having such an anxiety issue that I couldn't seem to think straight. He arrived very quickly , the police arrived 15 minutes after I called. David was very helpful calling my insurance for advice and helping with Seth and was very supportive in calming me down.
I did notice that by the time the officer had completed the accident report I was having alot of pain in my L lower back. I did call my Dr. when i got home to inform her but she only advised me to take some Tylenol. My back is feeling better now but it's still tender in that one area and I feel awfully stiff. The anxiety attack took alot out of my though, I was still feeling very anxious through the evening and still am actually. Hopefully I will be better in the morning.
The other driver was cited for careless driving and I have already filed my claim with his insurance company.
I need to sleep now, I've had enough excitement for one day....

The purpose of this blog..

There are two reasons that I blog, and I am not sure if I have written this before so please pardon me if I have.
1. I like to document my life. How I feel during my pregnancy, new and cute things that Seth does and even how I overcome obstacles I encounter in my life. Sometimes I like to read my old blog entries just for my enjoyment.
2. Years ago when I was diagnosed with severe depression a therapist advised me to write down my emotions to help me deal with them. I find that writing how I feel is extraordinarily therapeutic for me. For example, if I am feeling sad or angry, or especially depressed, I find if I write down how I am feeling and why, I can get it off of my chest and I feel better. It really works and is cheaper than a therapist!

I have been rather whiny in the past few weeks and that's because I had been very irritable with the holidays and finances, heck maybe it was hormones or even the moon phase, I don't know. But as soon as the holidays were over I began to feel myself again.
So when I make negative comments here about family, work ,or the price of rice in China..most likely it's because I am irritated at that moment. Not necessarily that I hate everyone. Trust me, if I kept it all bottled up..THEN we would have a problem!
I notice myself that I tend to blog far more often in times of distress than in times of happiness, and #2 above explains why.

Yes, I know this is a public blog and I am not worried about that because, you see, I haven't any secrets. I don't have a dark or questionable past and certainly nothing to hide. I am not ashamed or embarrassed of anything I have done. And though I haven't been proud of every decision I have made, I don't regret anything I have done because all of those decisions eventually brought me to where I am now and made me the person I am now. And it's not the worst life a girl could have..not by a long shot. I have worked long and hard to get where I am and every morning I wake up and I respect myself for that.

Whew, thank goodness it over!!!!!

All of the holidays that is. I am feeling better already now that all that crap is over and done with, now I can get on with my life and get back to normal!!!
It feels as if a huge weight is off of my shoulders and it's not because I suddenly came into money or that I aquired a bigger house. Everything is the same, just now I don't have the pressure on me to purchase Christmas gifts that I can't afford or to celebrate holidays ( like New Years) that aren't anything I care to celebrate. Whoo hoo another year, probably quite similar to the 29 that preceded it. It's hard to get too thrilled when you can't drink. Sad, eh?
David has cleared and cleaned the garage. He's really working hard to ensure that we can move the computer and all out there and get the baby's room ready. That's the fun part for me. 2 months and counting!!!
Kick, kick, kick. That's all I seem to feel these days. I must admit I truly dislike the rib kicks, those are bloody painful!! But I try to tell myself to enjoy it while it lasts because this is the last time I will be pregnant. No more babies for me! David will be getting a vasectomy about 6 months after this one is born. I *think* he might be having some second thoughts though because he really wants a girl but I am quite sure I won't be changing mine about shutting down the baby making machine.
If not I will suggest to him that HE carry the child and endure all of this back pain, constipation and super-size boobs ( though he'd probably enjoy those,LOL) Oh, And then HE can stay at home for the first three months while I go off to work and then I will tell him that I cannot get up with the baby in the night beacuse I have to go to work in the morning. And I have to pass medications to people and that, of course, is very important so I must have a well rested brain in order to do so.
It is now time for Seth to eat. Geez, I'm so flipping uncomfortable! I am at 32 weeks now that, for all idiots, is 8 months. I wish my abdomen was longer because I'm not quite sure where else this baby is going to go. I'm simply running out of room!
Actually isn't it interesting when you think about how much extra a pregnant woman can carry inside her and not rupture? At the end there is an average 7-8 lb. baby in there along with the enlarged uterus and extra fluids, don't forget all of the usual organs are still in there . What must it look like inside an abdomen outside of pregnancy, you'd think there must be a bunch of empty space. Just a thought, a very random one.

Happy new year's eve

I am doubtful I will be awake to ring in the new year. I have to work early in the morning. I don't feel much like a party anyway. I am so worried about this next baby. How are we going to manage? How am I going to handle two kids? Will my mom be able to watch the both of them when i go back to work or am I going to have to try to arrange child care which will be twice as expensive? If we can hardly pay our bills on time now how will we manage when I am out of work for three months? I'm wondering if this wasn't the best idea, I'm so scared.
When we planned this David was making more money but David's boss cut his pay and now things are more difficult. I just want to cry all the time because I have no idea how we will survive. I wanted two kids but don't know how it's all going to work. I just don't know what we are going to do.

drunken people ..

are idiots. When you are pregnant and need help with something people feel bad for you and ,usually, are very willing to give you a hand. Well, when you are simply a drunken idiot no one is going to help you..especially your pregnant wife.

Christmas and all that jazz..

It was an unseasonably warm and humid day. I must admit I was feeling quite miserable and blah on Christmas, who wouldn't when it's stormy and hot outside. Gross. Christmas in Florida is horrible, even more so when you are pregnant and the temperature feels extremely warm inside and outside and it feels soo good to wander into a walk in freezer. Actually it's been years since I wandered into a walk in freezer but these days I just wish I had one I could hang out in sometimes. One day I hope and pray I will get enough nerve to move away from this horrible state and live somewhere with real seasons. Yes, my friend, Florida is a joke. Why do I live here you ask? I was born here and all of my family lives in this town so it's a bit difficult to break away. I'm not like all the other looneys here that chose to move here. ( David being one of them , but family issues were involved)
Anyway we first ended up my grandma's house where David, Seth and I ate breakfast and opened lots of gifts. My Dad, sis, bro-in-law, brother, neice, and of course, Heather ( Sean's g-friend) were all there. David and I were rather tired so we weren't too festive. We had a nice time I suppose. Oh, my mom was there as well. All in all it was a bit boring.
Afterwards we went to David's mom's house where we had a boring time as well and then i took David home and visited at mom's for a bit.
Maybe it's because of my pregnancy and my general winter blahs that I have been experiencing that created such a dull Christmas. I was actually glad when it was all over with.
David got me a Scooba though and I was very pleased with this. It is a robotic floor cleaning device and I couldn't have gotten it at a better time. I simply cannot get down and scrub the floors these days and it does excellent work. Seth got alot of toys and books, of course.

December 27 was my 30 week OB appt. Of course, everything was normal. I had only gained 1 lb since my last appt. two weeks ago and for that I was thrilled!! I'm glad I am not gaining as rapidly as I was before. Baby is kicking and stretching all the time. Sometimes it can get quite painful when those little body parts are stretching into my ribs. Lately my appetite has dropped to almost nothing! I eat simply because I have to more than for hunger, I have to sleep with two pillows because my heartburn and stomach bothers me when I lie down. I am also very slow and my endurance continues to be very poor. My feet hurt alot and my back still aches.
I think I am beginning some depression though and I am going to start my Zoloft at the new year.
I've been feeling very irritable and sad. I've been feeling very sorry for myself and I need to calm down and cheer up! I hate feeling so down. I really wish i didn't feel like I have an on going battle with mental illness. How I wish I could be normal. Damned genetics!!! Why is it that anxiety and depression are so prevalent in my blood line. Is poor Seth doomed to a life of antidepressants?? I guess only the future will show. I just hope he has an easier time than I have had.

Bah..Humbug!

I'm miserable and I am completely aware that it is all my fault. I am so extremely broke. I can't afford Christmas stuff, heck I can't afford to pay my damn bills. How am I going to afford to be out of work for three months? How am i going to afford two kids? Why was a such a slacker in high school? Why couldn't I have a wealthy family that could send me to college? I couldn't afford it and now I am stuck being pathetically poor forever. Why did i think that we could have another child? Why didn't I realize how difficult this will make my life? How am i going to afford child care for two kids? Why am I such an idiot?

My most recent appointement..

It was this past Wednesday. Everything was normal, like usual. Heart rate was good. My weight is 147 lbs. meaning I have gained a grand total of 30 lbs!!! That was a little scary, but David says it's all beauty. What a fruitcake. I love him though.
My glucose test and hemoglobin results were normal, as I expected. I am feeling quite large and slow and by the end of the day I usually have a back ache. My feet begin to hurt if I am on them too long and I am started to get occasional kicks in the ribs which are very unpleasant. I also am still battling constipation problems so I think I may up my Fibercon to twice a day. I am drinking plenty of water so that isn't the issue!
It is becoming more and more difficulty to pick seth up and carrying him is almost impossible. I can't tell if he is heavier or I am just weaker. David suspects it's a little of both. :) David tries to help out alot, anything that I ask of him he does. He is good to me, but I wish i could do more without having to rely on others. I don't like having limitations. At least it will be over before I know it. I remember how great of a feeling it was the day after i gave birth to Seth that i felt so light on my feet i wanted to float in the air! there's nothing like losing 15lbs. or so in a day. i was still a bit overweight after as well but I sure did feel good! Body and crotch pain and all.. Yeah, I wasn't fun having to sit on a pillow for a few days since my vagina felt like..well.. like i had given birth. It hadn't experienced that trauma before. Oh, my poor vagina, i promise that i will only do this to you once more. :)

Christmas stinks...

Not the reason for Christmas, of course, but the excessive spending that goes along with it. I love to shop for others, don't get me wrong, but this year money is tight. Very tight..and I am quite annoyed by this fact. Actually for some reason, this month seems worse than others, but there isn't any reason for it. We haven't made any large purchases and our bills are the same as always.
I am so envious when i see other people out shopping for so many nice things and I realize i can't. David and i are still paying on credit cards from last year so we certainly don't want to use them. I am feeling quite pathetic and yes, I am felling sorry for myself as well. I don't like that.
david and I have worked very hard for what we have and I think we are good, decent people but we just can't ever get ahead. Then you have peopl like my sister that dropped out of high school, got a GED, never held a decent job for any significant amount of time, even spent years at a time without a job, for no reason, and she always had anything. Somehow everything ended up going her way. She can stay home with her daughter and spend like mad without even caring about it. Her husband isn't rich either..I don't know how it works.
Then my brother ,who barely graduated from high school, can't hold a job either, dropped out of the Navy because he couldn't handle it but always gets everything he wants. People just keep giving him money and buying his stuff and he doesn't have a motivated bone in his body. Why?
I suppose this is where someone would say, "At least you have say you've accomplished something in your life without being supported by others. " or " At least you can respect yourself and know that others respect you as well" But respect doesn't pay the bills, my friend.
I'm still resentful that my parents decided to divorce the morning of my high school graduation, bleh. I wonder if they knew it would be the only legitimate graduation that any of their kids would have if they would have treated it as such an unimportant occasion. Yes, I probably require some therapy to iron out some of these issues, but that costs money.
I am due to have a baby in a few mere months, and i am starting to panic at the thought of losing my paycheck for 3 months. I can only hope that our tax return will help us out during that time. I simply don't know how we are going to manage, but I know I cannot return to work sooner than 3 months time. I will be far too tired. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to collect my short term disability. I certainly hope so. I'm not scared about having a new baby, especially now that I know I can keep a child alive for over 2 years ( and longer) I have proven to myself that i can do it. I just don't know how the finances will work out. When we planned this baby our finances were a little better sorted out so it wasn't so much of an issue then. I am thinking maybe take out a ridiculous loan or something to pay off our credit cards and maybe our one loan so we would have one payment to make instead of three. I really would like to get rid of those high interest credit cards...Damned credit cards...
i'm feeling better now having gotten this all off of my chest.

What a busy, Christmas-y day!

The Christmas parade in Punta Gorda was at noon. It lasted a couple hours and the weather was mildly warm with a bit of a breeze. Seth enjoyed all of the floats and had to say "hi!" to everyone!!! Apparently I received quite a sunburn on my shoulders ahd didn't even realize it. Oh, well! Then this eveniing we went ot see the lighted boat parade, we stopped at the beginning point and saw a few but we wanted to see them all! so went to Punta Gorda again so we could wait for the boats to come by but it got too late and we left without seeing them.
We saw a few people we knew though and it was nice to get out. We are all exhausted and ready to sleep, hence the boring nature of this specific blog entry. :)
I am going to sleep well tonight!

Band Camp 2006

This actually occurred on November 17 but it's totally blog-worthy so I'm going to go back in time a little.
Months ago David was able to get tickets for this concert, I thought it would be fun since I haven't been to a concert in ages and I used to love them. Even though I am 6 months pregnant I figured that since it was in a fairground setting I would be okay.

It was a cool night, beautiful for a concert actually. Mom came over until Heather could get here and David and I went to dinner first. The traffic was insane! So we arrived in the middle of the Hoobastank set, they were okay I suppose.
Then Hinder came on, David immediately though about the "Lips of an Angel" song and completely did not expect much from them. Thought maybe they were a ballad band or something.
We were so wrong! They were absolutely awesome! Tons of energy and quite a few kickin' songs. We both really enjoyed them. After that came Candlebox, bleh. they're old and haven't had a hit in years so I wasn't too thrilled.
Buckcherry was another great band, we were REALLY enjoying them but had to leave in the middle of their set because Heather had to leave our house at 9:30 PM to go somewhere with Sean. We so did not want to leave since we were having so much fun. David really wanted to hear Buckcherry do the "Crazy Bitch" song. Unfortunately we did get to hear only the beginning...from the parking lot across the street as we walked to the car.
Originally David was going to stay and go home with Walt so that he could see Shinedown but David wasn't so excited about seeing them ( I wouldn't have minded though) Besides David didn't like the idea of me wandering to my car alone in the dark, especially since we were parked so far out. once we got home ,turns out that Heather wasn't going anywhere since my bro had left for Fort Myers without her. Bummer. But apparently the concert didn't end until around midnight anyway so that would have been too late for us.
I did pretty well considering my pregnancy, I asked for the day off of work to rest in the morning and did hardly anything all day saving my energy for the concert. I guess it worked because I felt really good all evening. There were so many young people there, I felt a little old. I did feel a little bad for all the scantily clad young girls when it got cooler and cooler. I guess they should have read the weather report...
In any case I hope some more concerts and some cool bands come to town because it was so much fun. There is just something about the energy of seeing a band perform live that makes it such an wonderful experience.
I had to buy a Hinder CD, it's pretty good. :)

I'm glad Thanksgiving only comes once a year..

For a week preceding Thanksgiving it seemed that my family hadn't the slightest clue where or when to have the meal. Mom was going to have it on Monday after then it was Saturday after then Friday ,ugh then she just decided to do it the day of Thanksgiving. My grandmother intiially was goijng to have her meal at 1 PM on Thanksgiving, then somewhere it was changed to 2 PM. I had to work anyway so I told her I wouldn't be coming. Besides David wanted to cook a meal here at home. Which was fine with me so i wouldn't have to travel around town after work since I knew I'd be tired and achy anyway.
But when i told Mamaw that she gave me a horrible guilt trip about it, my dad did as well. And to top things off they changed the time of the meal to 5 PM so i would be able to eat.
SOOO I went over after work and David met me there with Seth. Of course, i was miserable as I expected. My back was hurting and I was very tired. Everyone was good about helping out with Seth while I rested on the couch, actually it was mostly Sean ( Who spun Seth around until Seth was dizzy and fell down in the driveway causing a scraped nose and a big bump on his forehead)
Once the food came things changed, everyone was busy eating and when Seth was finished, I guess I was too.
My dad helped him out of his chair before I had washed his hands and face and then i had to chase him around the house, mind you I was cranky and starving since I didn't get to finish my food.
Meanwhile everyone suggested, "Sean can watch him". Which I didn't think was fair since Sean was eating and watching him alot before the meal. So I finally said, " I'm sorry about the food, I am still hungry but obviously won't get a chance to eat so we are going home"
Oooooh was I feeling bitchy. Everybody made me feel so guilty about not wanting to come but then no one is willing to help me out so a hungry pregnant woman can eat a little? WTH?
I don't expect everyone to take care of Seth but don't make me feel crappy when i tell you I can't come to your dinner because I am anticipating feeling achy and tired after I worked all day and don't feel like running after a 2 year old at your non-baby-proofed house. Don't try to tell me " he'll be fine while you eat" when the only image in my head is of my son trying to climb up on your glass topped breakfast table and falling, or worse having it fall on him.
Don't tell me to have my 20 year-old brother watch him while he eats while i finish my meal, that's not fair to my brother.
Next time I don't expect to get any guilt trips about not coming to your dinner.

I was glad to come home and relax.

Damn, I am bitchy today....

24 week appt.

Everything is good, BP, heart rate, weight, urine neg. etc. etc. My Dr. told me that it was definitely okay to take the fibercon and I could even take Colace with it because Colace is so safe. She told me my dizziness last week was probably benign postural vertigo and that it's rather common. (Thank goodness it hasn't happened again)
I received a script to have my 1 hr. Glucose tolerance test done in three weeks along with a couple other blood tests. I'm not looking forward to that!

I love him thiiiiiiiiiiis much.

My son that is. I swear every day he is a little cuter. Today he said "helcop-ter" yay! For the longest time it was only helicop. He also said " motorcycle" the other day.
These might be normal things for a 2 two year old but I am constantly impressed at how easily he picks things up and repeats them. I was listening to The Killers CD yesterday in the car and he starts repeating the words to the songs. Thank goodness they don't use foul language in their music ( not that I really noticed anyway) so I can still enjoy them in the car without him picking up some bad stuff.
I guess I'll have to save Korn for when he's not in the car though, ha ha.
He climbing everywhere and running all over the place. And to think I was worried that he might never walk at one time..HA! far from it. I wish he'd slow down!
He is going to bed quite easily, he really likes his fire engine bed that we got him, he sleeps all night until about 8-8:30AM , not bad. I've heard of kids that get up much earlier. He stays in bed once we put him there but he's is obviously exhausted as well by that time. Since he refuses to nap anymore....
He knows his colors pretty well, the basics at least. And he only likes to count 1,2,3 after that he just starts over again 1,2,3,1,2,3, I guess that isn't horrible for a 2 year old. :)
He enjoys dancing and singing...what can I say, he's a daddy's boy. Our appreciation for music must run in our veins.

As far as baby #2? Well, it seems to move around alot, not as much kicking ( which it does do plenty of) but just pressing outward. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling. All of the sudden i feel like the child is trying to get out of me like in the movie " Alien" . I have to rub, rub, rub my belly utnil it goes back to it's previous position. Maybe it's stretching? I frequently feel a heaviness in my lower abdomen which is odd beacause other times I feel like the kid is all the way up to my rib cage already. Maybe I just have a small abdomen, the babe is a little over a pound and according to things i read about 24 weekers it's about a foot long so i guess it is quite squished in there.
Part of me is getting more and more excited about meeting my new baby and the other part of me is dreading the sleepless night and crying jags ( Um, that's me AND the baby...) I really want to get those first couple months over with! I am hoping this baby isn't as difficult as Seth was. I think I had PPD on top of a cranky baby and together i was the most miserable person on the planet.
I'm hoping things go better this time.

So how am I feeling?

Thanks for asking... I am feeling pretty good most days. No more dizziness since last Monday. I get achiness in my back and hips occasionally throughout the day but for the most part I am my best in the morning. I certainly have poor endurance, toward the end of my work day i feel myself moving slower and slower. And it is just going to get worse before it gets better.
I feel alot of movement, sometimes it hurts and I have to rub my belly to get the baby to move to a postion that is more comfy for me. I like to feel the movement though.
In the last week people have actually been asking me if i am pregnant. I am certain that i have looked pregnant for awhile now but maybe it's so obvious now that people feel okay asking.
I certainly can't hide it any longer!
4 more months and there is so much to do. I need a crib and to clean out the garage so i can clear out the room for the baby. David just drags his feet with everything. I have to keep nagging. He always has an excuse, granted he has good excuses but I want to get the nursery set up now!

Seth is a happy guy...

Seth is always happy. He's unbelievable pleasant and pretty well adjusted. He loves people, especially other little kids. I worry since he doesn't have much opportunity to be around other little kids but when he is he's very comfortable. He can't hold actual conversations but he does try. He's kind and decent and never is rude or inappropriate.
Now i haven't ever been a social butterfly or a very saintly person and I don't think David is either so we aren't sure where he gets his extremely pleasant personality. I just keep reminding myself that kids learn from their parents how to behave so i really make an effort to be a more decent person for him. After all, little kids all start out as good people. It's others that influence them to be not so good.
I want Seth to know right and wrong and what is good and what is bad. Even when we play with his toys I always make the toys happy and friendly, they always say hi and give each other kisses as opposed to fighting with each other.
Maybe when he's a little older I'll stop sugar coating things. But for right now, where is the harm in taeching him to be good to all people. I wish he didn't have to learn one day that there are cruel and sick people in the world that he will have to be careful of.

I feel crappy.

Since last night I have been lightheaded with a pinch of dizziness thrown in. I called out sick but can't get the Dr. to return my calls. Yuck.
Last night around three AM I awoke to pee, en route to the bathroom i felt extremely dizzy, I could barely walk and then i wanted to puke while sitting on the pot. Actually i thought I might fall off the toilet since i was so dizzy. My nausea persisted for an hour afterwards. My BP is absolutely fine. I just wanna know what i can do to make it go away so I can feel normal again.
I'm so tired of this feeling. My mom and husband both seem to think it's how the baby is positioned that is causing this. Maybe it's on a nerve or a blood vessel or something. Driving me nuts whatever it is.

My baby is normal!

Fonda and I drove to Sarasota today for the appt. with the perinatologist and the Level II u/s, not a bad drive but I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my belly and my stomach felt mildy upset. When i got into the U/S room the tech took one look at the baby's kidneys and said how normal everything looked. She even checked many other parts of the baby and didn't find anything at all that might be abnormal. I am absolutely relieved. All is good with the world.

Husband rant

David doesn't work on Monday. He thought it wouldn't be wise for us to go to the appt. in Sarasota together in case there is bad news. The both of us are a little stressed out and it probably wouldn't be good.
I suggested that he watch Seth for part of the time so my mom wouldn't have to be here so long and he wasn't happy about that.
"I'm in agony and I thought I would be able to take a day off!" WTF? a day off? Hello? I'm very achy and tired,d o I ask for a "day off" I think I deserve one as well if he does.
many days he was off work in the week and I still had my mom come watch Seth so he could do stuff around the house. He gets upset when I question him about sitting around playing video games. I've let him have it way too easy for too long. He goes to band practice twice a week and stops at the pub a couple times a week after work. Since when do I go out anywhere after work to " relax"?
When do I get any time to "relax" Especially when many times he's out all day and doesn't get home until 1 hour before Seth goes to bed then he whines about wanting some nookie? Well, I had a busy day and once Seth is in bed I want some alone time. What has he done for ME lately????

End of rant.Thank you very much.

I have scheduled my appointment!

For Monday october 30 at 2:30. It's going to be an hour and a half, ick. My sister is going to try to find a sitter for Amber so she can go along with me. David will be working and my mom will be watching Seth. I hope she can go, I don't want to be alone. Especially if i get bad news.
Today's weather was lovely! High in the mid-70s! Seth and I went to get the stroller and then we went to the playground and the grocery store THEN we went to the mall with Fonda and Amber so we have been very busy. But it was fun. :)

Prenatal Hydronephrosis

From the research I have done and the very limited information I received from the Dr. office I think this may be the issue. Apparently it's the most common problem found on prenatal scans with about 42,000 each year. Half of those turn out to be nothing but the other half has a variety of diagnoses, most likely an obstruction or a kink in the collecting tube in the kidney( I really wish the Dr. office would have given me proper names for things! I may not know much but I am quite familiar with anatomy and physiology of the human body)
Since my baby's tube is even so slightly enlarged I am guessing that maybe it isn't completely obstructed? I hope it's nothing.
The perinatologist office hasn't called yet to set up and appt. I really wish they'd hurry up because I am stressed out! Anytime I talk to anyone about this kidney thing I start to cry. Even if i start to think too hard about it I cry. I wanna get past this so I can be normal again!!!!
Logically, I tell myself that it's probably nothing and it's extremely minor AND I am going to a very capable Dr. who will be able to give me advise. But the mom in me just worries and feels so sad because there's is something inperfect about my baby. David even said "How are we going to financially manage caring for a child with special medical needs?"
Hopefully we won't have to.

Fortunately my sister went to the same perinatologist during her pregnancy ( because her quad screen showed high probability for Down's syndrome) and she says he is excellent and the staff was knowledgable, besides it's in a very neat facility in Sarasota. At least she''ll be able to tell me where to go.

20 weeks 4 days appt. update.

Heart rate is excellent at around 160 and i measure properly. My BP is 100/60 and my weight is a whopping 134lbs. ( Whopping for me ,at least) I have gained 17 pounds!!! Yikes!
My U/S showed that one of the tubes in one of the kidneys is a little enlarged so i am being sent to a Dr. in Sarasota for a Level II U/S to get a better look. Apparently much of the time it turns out to be nothing. I didn't feel so upset at the time but now..I can't get it out of my head! I feel so weepy and irrational today.
Hopefully it'll pass, I don't like feeling this way.

I don't wanna know how much I weigh!

I put on some new jeans this morning and turned around to see how they looked in the mirror. WOW! My butt is huge! I want to know but at the same time I am scared to know how much I weigh. Last time I checked I weighed about 132 or so. It doesn't sound like alot..considering I am 5 months pregnant ,but it seems to look horrible on me! Maybe it's my warped body image? I've been under weight all of my life( just by 5-10 lbs, not alot) so being proper weight is difficult for me to accept? Many people might feel like I am an idiot because there are plenty of people out there with legitimate weight issues and here I am worrying about pregnancy weight.
But honestly I finding gaining weight very difficult to accept! I am so afraid of being " fat" that I can't stand to gain a pound.
I can't stand to have any extra flab or jiggle anywhere. After Seth I had a difficult time dealing with the extra belly skin after pregnancy. It's not like my body was ever perfect. David has always loved my body, noone in my life has evr made fun of it..exept for being to thin in elementary school ( that was way before I had body image issues..that was simply genetics and high metabolism)

I still look in the mirror, pregnant or not, and all I see is a fat girl. :(

I need another U/S

Yesterday I called the place that did my U/S and complained about the tech giving away the gender. They apologized profusely and said they would take care of it. Later that day the tech calls me at work telling me that she needs more pics of the face for the Dr. I told her I didn't want her to do my U/S and that I would like to schedule it elsewhere. So I am going to the hospital to have it done on Monday at 4.
My mom is going with me this time. You know, last time I had to have my 20 week U/S done twice due to some heart pics being omitted. This is annoying.
Now I am scared there is something wrong with my baby's face. I just hate having tests done!

Here's a pic...

Ultrasound today..

Apparently everything looks good. I am measuring one day ahead so that would make my due date March 1 but I won't change anything, might as well stick with march 2. I saw legs , arms, hands, head, eyes, heart ,you know. Everything was there. I'll find out for sure from the Dr. next week.
We told the lady that we didn't want to know the gender but she immediately said " I accidentally saw the gender" and referred to the baby as "he " throughout the entire scan. Whe I complained ( after correcting her several times) she said that she calls every baby "he". Somehow I don't quite believe it. We got a pic that seems to show the genitals in full glory. Why the hell would she do that???
Tomorrow I am bringing the pic back and will ask someone there what exactly i see in the pic. If they say it's what i think i am going to complain. This is my last baby and David and I really wanted a surprise!! Now we know it's a boy.

Am I upset because I was secretly hoping for a girl and I am disappointed? I don't know. I actually DO feel a little sad even though i told everyone I really wanted a boy. Now I will never have a daughter. I feel like I should just be happy that it's growing and healthy. Pretty shallow,I know.

Seth's Two!

One...Two...three... that's about as high as he can count these days. He will count just about anything but if you ask him how old he is he doesn't know. Eh, He'll catch on eventually.
We had an awesome party and my mom's house. Mom and Jack, David, Fonda, Jason, Amber, Mamaw, Dad, Sean and Heather were all there. Dad had forgotten but I called to remind him and he came right over. Sean and Heather got there late as well but the important thing was they were there.
Seth got alot of neat stuff, a couple trucks, some clothes, some art stuff and coloring books, a tricycle from David and I. So far he's been having a blast with everything. Oh, and we had tons of food. It was great! Seth ate alot more than he usually does for lunch and he really enjoyed the cake. It was a Publix cake with the "Cars" theme ( "Cars" is Seth's new obsession..the movie not neccisarily ANY car) Seth immediately stuck his fingers in the frosting. We all sang "Happy Birthday" and Seth just beamed! He was absolutely thrilled when evryone was singing! When we clapped he clapped also. We've been trying to teach him the birthday song for a month now so he was quite familiar with it but I didn't expect him to be sooo excited when we sang it.
Then we all hang out in Mom's back yard while Seth ran around getting good and dirty. We all had a good time but when we got home I could tell Seth was exhausted..and so was I.
I can't believe I am the mom of a two year old. And I wouldn't want it any other way..

chicken tenders, deviled eggs, cookies..

assorted veggies with ranch dip and fruit. Oh, and of course, cake. That is the menu for Seth's birthday party. Yum yum. Now I just have to get a birthday present for him. Probably Friday when David gets paid...godness knows, there isn't much $ left after buying all the groceries! I can't believe what we've spent! A lot less than other people, I'm sure, but a 2nd birthday only comes around once and everyone loves an excuse for family to get together and EAT! At least my family..oddly enough we are a thin bunch but we sure like food! Saturday should be loads of fun.

Seth loves halloween decorations.

Maybe because he was born in the month of Halloween, maybe because his Dad loves halloween so much, in any case: let me tell a cute story.
We have a plastic light-up jack-o-lantern and a rubbery light-up skull we set on the table in front of the front window at Halloween. Seth calls the skull " Scary guy" and the pumpkin " scary pumpkin". So he is fascinated by the two objects. He turns the skull to the pumpkin and says " hi scary pumpkin" then turns the pumpkin to the skull ans says " hi scary guy". This conversation goes on and on without much variation. I think it's pretty cute.
Every time we are at the store and he sees a ghoulish Halloween decoration it's always " Scary guy" But he isn't scared really. More fascinated.
This halloween will be loads of fun, I can tell.

Seth's birthday is getting closer..

I ordered a cool cake from Publix and invited all kinds of family, we got party plates and cups. I just need to get birthday presents. I can't believe my boy will be 2, time is going so fast!
I can't believe that my boy has gone from the crankiest non sleeping little baby to the happiest, most pleasant, excellent sleeping boy. I keep wondering when the terrible twos kick in because right now he is super cute. He didn't get any of our moodiness, thank God!

My son is strange.

He is stranger than strange. He constantly places his matchbox cars on the edge of something with one or two wheels hanging off the edge then he comes to me and insists that i see that his car is " stuck" . He does this over and over constantly placing his little cars in constant peril. Weird.
He also has decided to stop napping, and, boy, would I like a nap. I am worn out by him!
I want to go to the mall to get some clothes that fit but I cannot go with Seth because I have to try them on and I just don't think that would work out. David is stopping at the pub and then it didn't sound as if he was keen on the idea of going to the mall with me so maybe I will just leave the two of them here and i will go...alone!

Misery

I went to the Dr. today to find out the results of my cultures and fortunately they were both neg. Dr. thinks I had a low grade staph infection. It's clearing up nicely now. But that's not making me miserable.
I feel good, I am sleeping well, everything should be okay,right? Lately it seems I can't stop worrying about everything!
-I don't have any maternity clothes that fit, they are all too big so now I need to buy smaller ones but i don't have any money until tomorrow! WAAH!
- I want to re-do my kitchen but I have to get rid of David's glass and shot glass collection and I don't have anywhere to put them so i have to keep looking at them.,WAAH!
- I want David to fix up the garage so we can get the computer room ready for the baby before it's born ( in 5 months) but he keeps dragging his feet and nothing ever gets done and I'm tired of him starting projects that he doesn't finish.WAAHH!
- The cat has tapeworm but she refuses to take her pill and meanwhile she disgusts me and I don't want her near me. WAAH
- I am so tired of fleas! We need to spray the yard for pests but I ( again) don't have money for it.WAAH
- I'm tired of David not picking up after himself. I'm tired of being the maid.WAAH.
- I deposited $50 in the bank and they charged us $33 for overdraft fees so now we are still broke and it's all my fault and I'm tired of being behind on bills. I know we over spend but there is always something that we NEED. I wish someone else would deal with my finances. WAAH
-I wanted to schedule my U/S as close to David's current job as possible so he could get there easily but now he says he might not be able to make it. I'm pissed about that. WAAH.
- I feel like such a bad parent because I am so stressed out lately.

I even had a lovely massage last night but it was only a very temporary fix. I feel tense as ever.
I think I need a day at a spa or something. Seth is such a good boy and all he wants is for me to watch "Finding Nemo" with him but I am too busy feeling sorry for my miserable self that i can't relax. I cried at work yesterday because the computer wasn't working and I was frustrated. What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't wanna find Nemo anymore!

This is Seth's new obsession. From morning until night he says " Nemo, Nemo!" He will watch that movie over and over all day. Yes, it's a cute movie and it's beautiful to look at but i wish he'd have some variety.

My most recent appointment...

Was last Wednesday. Everything was normal, normal, normal. Good BP, urine was negative, fetal heartbeat was superb. I am measuring just right. But I have gained 11 lbs. since I found out I was pregnant. Ick. I need to S L O W down so i don't end up as big as a house. I just feel so hungry all the time. I can't stop...Food is just SO GOOD!
I also asked the Doc about the bug bite on my back. I first noticed it last Sunday at work, it was a rather large welt that was quite irritated by my bra strap so it kept bugging me. By Wed. it hadn't gone down so my OB suggested I go to a general Dr. in case I requred antibiotics. At the walk- in clinic they weren't sure what it was so they did cultures and ,of course, gave me antibiotics. When i went back on friday the viral culyres weren't back yet but the Dr. told me to put vit E and aloe on it because the skin was cracked. Right now it itches like mad. It's still a bit red and slightly raised. Have to go back to Dr. on Wed. Hopefully it's gone by then.

I feel better.

After a bathed Seth I chased his naked self throught he house pretending like I couldn't catch him to dress him. We were laughing hysterically! I finally "caught" him and dressed him on the bed and then he proceded to bury me in all the pillows on the bed and jump on them. I haven't laughed so hard in a while! Laughter IS the best medicine. Meanwhile david is outside mowing, edging, trimming, cleaning, organizing,etc.
I may not have alot of money but I have a great husband and the most awesome kid around!!!

i am the biggest loser.

I paid $160.00 worth of bills that I don't have.I miscalculated and now I am screwed. Usually any overdraft comes off of my credit card but that is maxed as well. I just paid $200.00 on it but that all went to finance charges and late fees. So there goes that option. I was ready to deposit all of Seth's piggy bank money but my mom said she'd would lend me the money, so i am going to deposit it first thing on Monday. I totally suck and I just want to cry because I am so ashamed. We had plenty of money too we just bought too much stuff and then it was gone!
Then I yelled at Seth because he has been whining nonstop for the last couple hours and I have had it!!!! You see, he refused to nap today and now I have to pay the price. He's grumpy and I'm cranky. Thank goodness David is here to straighten us out!
Anyway I highly dislike myself right now. I am an idiot.

Anniversary dinners, eye Drs. and good health..

On friday evening we ate at Porto Bellos in Burnt Store marina. We dropped $80 but it was totally worth it. The food was wonderful, presentation was lovely, service great. I gobbled up a beautiful filet mignon and wonderful mashed potatoes. I don't remember what David had,I was too busy eating. These days i am all about food.
The more the better!I'm feeling so good i forget I am pregnant. I have energy and an enormous appetite. My skin is clearing up and my headaches have disappeared. I don't feel irritable and sleepy all the time..and yes, I can sleep at night! I wish my entire pregnancy was this great.
I have this overwhelming desire to redo the house. i have so many plans but, unfortunately, not enough money to actually purchase the house stuff I want. I have found some nice outlet and switch plates that i want to put in the kitchen and i would like to get a nice wallpaper border to place around the top of the wall in the kitchen. I'd like to find something with some grape vines or something. If i could get a china cabinet for Davids glass collection then i could place some fake ivy or vines across the top of the cabinets. I really want to go for that whole italian restaraunt feel,you know? maybe at K mart i could find some inexpensive stuff.
I just need to get David to finish tiling the walls and countertops in the kitchen. It drives me nuts how he starts something and doesn't finish for a year. I hate to be a nag. Heck, if i knew how to tile,I 'd do it myself.
My eye dr. appt. went well. My eyes ARE a little worse than a year ago but the Dr. thought maybe it was related to my pregnancy. I guess my eye pressure is still down though. I really don't want Glaucoma at a young age.
Seth is sleeping to i'm going to eat my sundae. I am going to be HUGE at this rate. But the bad foods taste so good! Eh, I am almost 15 weeks pregnant and I've only gained 5 lbs. That's not so bad is it? Unfortunately it's all in my butt! maybe if i do some extra walking around the neigborhood i can keep my butt in near normal proportions. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have permission to morph into a 200 pound blob. I want to gain wait at a proper rate and be healthy. But i still want that sundae!

"hurricane" ernesto

Puh-lease this was the most pathetic storm EVER! The TV weather people and the weather channel had us all breaked out that this would be something horrible. I think it was an actual hurricane for about 5 minutes and then became a pathetic tropical storm. The newspaper headlines said " Are we ready for another disaster?" This just proves to me that weather people haven't any clue. you know who does? animals. The day before hurricane Charley we noticed there wasn't any birds anywhere around. Outside it was eerily calm and quiet. We knew something was up. And the cat stayed under the bed until three days after the hurricane.
So now we always monitor the birds in the neigborhood. If they are all flying around and eating at the bird feeder I feel safe. if the cats are acting normal then i'm not worried.
Granted some of the low lying areas in town do have some standing water but in years past we have had far worse thunderstorms.
Tomorrow is our 5th anniversary. We are going out to have a nice dinner while Sean and Heather watch Seth. It'll be a nice day...:)

David's out of town:(

He flew to South Carolina to see a Breaking Benjamin concert yesterday morning. He's flying back right now...probably will be home in a few hours. His friend Roger won tickets and airfare and hotel from a radio station and David went with. He says Charleston in really nice but i don't think he had as good of a time as he had hoped. Oh well, it's always an adventure!
Hurricane Ernesto is going to miss us it looks like. It's going farther and farther east and I am glad. I wasn't too freaked out though like some people. heck, i've been through a category 4 hurricane...what's a category 1? I'll laugh in it's face. HA HA!! At least this has been a slow hurricane year. August and Septmenber are the busiest months so i have one more month to go and then we will be ( mostly) in the clear.
I'm still feeling very worn out but not near what I was feeling. i can actually walk across my tiny house without wanting to pass out and holding on to the walls. I am more hungry than any normal person should be...I swear I am on my way to a 50 lbs. weight gain. I am going to be HUGE! I've thought about going with it and becoming a sumo wrestler when this all over with. Are there women sumo wrestlers? I don't know if i'd like the diaper...

Yesterday Seth and i went to the mall with Mamaw, we ate a then took a long walk around the perimeter of the mall. Seth was such a good boy and Mamaw and I talked alot. She's really great. I don't wanna think about what i'd do without her. I hope I have a baby girl so i can name her after my grandmother. My little girl will be Jillian Ruby. The Ruby after my mamaw ,of course!

My dream house...

My childhood home. The Calvert house. I never knew how good I had it. My parents had this house built in 1984 when i was going in to 2nd grade. Everything was custom. The fireplace mantel was made from a tree trunk that had been brought from somewhere up north. The master bathtub was marble. My mother picked out every color and knob and cabinet. It wasn't enourmous but a comfy size. 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. Prime lot on a corner in a nice neighborhood of newer houses near an elementary school. Lovely pool and an extra lot for gardening and a treehouse for the kids. My friends always wanted to stay over and at the time I took the house for granted. Now I know better.
My parents had a nasty divorce when I was 18 and my mom moved out. A couple years later my dad moved out and my mom moved back, but unbeknownst to her he had taken out a second mortgage and stopped making the payments so the lovely house was foreclosed upon. It was difficult for the family to lose the house. Lose all of those memories, all of those years of happiness before things went bad. There was even a wall in the laundry room that had all of our height measuements on it from when we were very young and from when Sean was just a baby.
I wanted to keep that wall. Even all of our friends were measured on that wall.

I haven't lived in that house in 11 years but every dream I have every night that takes place in any house...it takes place in THAT house. My childhood home. The Calvert house that I will always love. The house that held all those wonderful years of happy memories.

The new owners have fixed it up very nicely and it's still as beautiful as always. Sometimes I drive past it. My sister and brother have told me that , on occasion, they do too. One day if david and I ever win big in the lottery we are going to that house and offer the owners anything they want so we can have that house back in my family.

I can always dream, can't I? After all, it is the house of my dreams.

Second appointment update

Everything was normal, normal, normal! My weight is good ( I've gained a mere 3 lbs.) my labwork, pap, and urine tests were good and my BP is low.(Better than high, at least,LOL) My babe's heartbeat was great. I was asked about having the AFP test done and I refused. My Dr. said that hardly anyone is having it done anymore. Next appt. is Sept. 20.

more...

Here is Seth and I hiding... and my sister and Amber ( with Seth of course)

Trying to post pics...

Here's my boy!

I love him.

The second time I listened to the baby's heart beat I called David into the room. The look on his face was absolutely priceless. He smiled so big and said ," That's MY baby!" It was wonderful. He's so cute. :)
He's a little down today and it makes me feel sad. He is such a good person and he treats Seth and I wonderfully. He deserves to be happy. Why do people have to be so mean sometimes? There are ways of breaking bad news to people without being an ass about it, so why do people do it. Unless they are an ass...
This is just my opinion. In no way does it relect the opinions of any other human being.

Heartbeats, insomnia, Seth and Mrs. Robinson.

Today I finally found the baby's heartbeat with the doppler! It was nice and fast and way lower than I thought which is why I probably couldn't find it before. It was nice to hear. I love, love , love it!!!!!!! Hearing the heartbeat made it seem more real to me. All of this tiredness, and grumpiness, and sleeplessness is going to amount to something. Hopefully a roly-poly adorable little something! With 10 toes and 10 fingers...that would be nice too.
I never feel well rested at night. I'm so tired all day and at night I just doze. I don't really get very good restful sleep. I hope this doesn't last for the entire pregnancy. I also find that I am very short of breath alot but I am beginning to think that might be related to anxiety in addition to the progesterone hormones in body. I really don't like feeling anxiety.
Apparently my brother has been having problems with the mom of an ex of his ( who he broke up with like two years ago!) She works in a police office and has been throwing her weight around making him look bad and getting him in trouble. She's sent an letter to Crimestoppers telling them all of the personal things about his life and making him look like a bad person and so now he isn't allowed on school property to pick up or drop off his girlfriend or go to any school functions with her without prior authorization. Of course, she didn't sign the letter but he knows it's her because she's done things like this before to him. Things like this have been going on for a year or so according to him. Sean has been in his share of drama and bad scenes but he's a good person and it really bugs me that this lady is making his life more difficult than it needs to be. She really need to move on and get a life. Personally i think she must be obsessed with him or something. She sounds dangerous to me.
On a lighter note...Today I was putting clothes away and Seth said " come " and grabbed my hand. I said " Just a moment, I need to put this away first" and he said " alright" I thought it was so cute. What a good boy, I love him.
He's such a mimic, I cannot believe how fast he catches on to new words! Every day he says something new.

Baby's first pic

This was done about a month ago. I was absolutely thrilled that there was just one floating around in there! I would've paniked(sp) if there were more! I looks an awful lot like Seth's first photo actually. Just a little blob in there. My next appt. is the 23rd. and who knows what they will do then. Probably listen to the heart rate and measure my belly, the basics.

Still waiting for the doppler!

I ordered a doppler!

I'm not nearly as nervous about the baby this time around but I still would like to hear the heartbeat. Besides, David is inable to accompany me to my appointments due to his work schedule so he wants to hear the heartbeat as well. Anyway it should be here in 2-5 days. I'm looking forward to it!
I've felt very good the last couple days. As if my energy and good mood came back full force ,it was lovely. Then today I'm tired again. Blech. I am starting to develop a belly. Right now it's just a small rounded belly. Not anything drastic. I can still wear my normal clothes and all. i don't think I've porked up too much yet.

This morning Seth slipped while he was running and hit his head on the cat door. He sustained a small laceration on his forehead tha seemed to bleed quite a bit so it freaked me out. I held pressure on it and put a Spiderman band aid on and he's just peachy. He really likes his band aid. Amazing that so much blood came from such a small opening. This kid is going to give me a heart attack before all is said and done, I swear!! I'm just hoping he has a good guardian angel! He will need it.

Sometimes I hate myself.

This past week David has been working very late hours and then today was his best friend's bachelor party...in Tampa, so he's been gone all day. It's not his fault but I get so damn tired that I wish I had some help around here! Seth is always going a mile a minute. " mom, come!" "Come!" "Book!" Quack, quack!" "cookie" Grabbing my hand and wanting me to follow him. Meanwhile I just want to sit for a couple minutes because I am so short of breath and exhausted. I feel like the worst mom ever because I am just too tired to play.
I just want some quiet. I hate being so edgy and emotional. Of course I mentioned before that I can't take the Zoloft anymore because it keeps me from resting well and right now I need every ounce of sleep I can get. If I didn't feel bad enough about being too tired to play I feel bad about feeling bad because...well. I am just a mess.
Today I had my prenatal labwork drawn and they took 4 large and 3 small vials of blood. I was understandibly woozy afterwards. And more tired than usual. At least when you donate blood they give you a cookie and some juice...not to mention a 25% off coupon to one of the fast food places at the mall, for pete's sake. I think these labs should give OJ and a chocolate chip cookie to their patrons who donate excessive amount of blood. I know they charge enough for those tests ,tell me they couldn't afford a little Chips Ahoy, C'mon!

I saw Walt today ( He's the guy getting married on Sunday) What am icky looking guy! The hair on his head is so big and bushy, it just looks dirty and unkempt. I remember when he was actually an attractive man. He used to be pretty built and his hair was short and neat, he actually took good care of himself. What happened??. He's gained a bit a of weight too. Ick, I certainly wouldn't marry him.

As sson as I eat my squash I am going to hop in my bubble bath. That should help me relax!

My mall outing.

Since it's just about 150 degrees out the only places we can go are air conditioned. Today we went to the mall. First we ate some chicken strips and fries ( Seth enjoyed the plastic ware more than the food) then we walked the mall. Even though I am still feeling quite fatigued and short of breath I am DETERMINED that I am not going to gain 40+ lbs this pregnancy. While we were walking I couldn't help but notice that a good portion of the mall- goers today were way in need of a good workout. I have to admit I am in better shape pregnant than many of them were NOT pregnant. Suddenly I felt better about my 2 pound weight gain (so far, that is)
I guess people might say " How do you KNOW they aren't pregnant? YOU don't exactly look pregnant ( exept for your enlarged rack, of course) " I would tell them that most of these women were middle aged or teen aged ( and THAT is really sad). I'm a bitch, I know it. But now I feel better about my body. And it always feels good after i know I have done something healthy for my body...and a nice brisk walk in A/C definitely counts.
While I was there I thought I might see if there were any good sales since I don't have much $ until tomorrow. Unfortunately I didn't find anything I just HAD to have. Exept some bubble bath and a rubber ducky from Bath and Body Works ( set me back a whopping $14 ) The rubber ducky was for Seth, obviously, to add to his collection ( more on that later).

JC Penney had nothing good. They had a TON of long sleeved ,very cute winter outfits for little guys but I was wondering if anyone every told the JC Penney people that it's flipping 150 degrees outside! I mean, really. August is one of the hottest months of the year and they are trying to sell winter stuff! It doesn't even get cold here until MAYBE November...more like December. I don't know who's going to buy it but I will wait for it to go on sale. It will look very cute on Seth on the 5 cold days we have per year.

Anyways, about the rubber duck. Seth has four of them now. He likes to make them talk to each other in the bath and it's very cute, but considering his limited vocabulary the duck conversation goes a little like this.
Duck 1: " Hi! Hi!"
Duck2: " Who's that?"
Duck1: "Quack, quack"
Duck2: "Hi! Hi!"
I think it's very cute.

At my last appt. my Dr. gave me Zoloft for my increased anxiety. Since I am a fruitcake I was very happy to have something bring me back to normal. Unfortunately it made me unable to sleep. So I stopped taking it for awhile. Meanwhile I have discovered that a nice warm bubble bath after Seth goes to bed really helps me sleep like a baby. It's wonderful.
So I am going to forego my Zoloft for a bit and if I feel I need to start up again it is there for me. Unfortunately since it takes a few weeks to even take effect it's a pain in the butt but I really NEED to sleep.
Meanwhile I am overly senstitive and prone to weepiness. yuck. I hate that.

First appointment

Lately I have been feeling a bit more energetic. Maybe because I added the Slow FE to my daily vitamin regime, maybe I'm adjusting to the hormones, who knows? I still have a sensitive stomach and a craving for everything junky. ( Why can't I crave a salad , for pete's sake?)

Anyway, my first Dr. appointment was yesterday. Aside from having a completely incompetent nurse my appt. went well. Dr. did an internal U/S and I got to see my little babe. Everything is just as it should. It' s little heart was beating away. What a lovely sight. i am measuring 3 days ahead but i am sticking with my calculated EDD of march 2.
The nurse initially was very flustered when i explained that my LMP was not going to accurately tell her my due date...but i did know my conception day! Boy, was I glad when the Dr. came into the room at that moment because the nurse was complately lost. She calculated my EDD as April 17! The nurse even admitted to me that I was her first OB patient and she wasn't sure what to do. She walked in on me when i was attempting to redress after my exam. "I won't look" ,she said. Ugh, she was a fruitcake!

My next appointment in scheduled for August 23.

Soooo tired!

Sometimes I feel like a horrible mom! I'm so tired all the time and I just want to rest or sleep. Well, obviously with Seth around I cannot do either. He is so active and always wants me to "Come" and he grabs my hand and leads me somewhere all the time. David tries to go so that I can rest( In the eves when he's off work, of course) but many times Seth only wants me.
I seem to have a tough time sleeping for some reason, even though I'm exhausted all of the time! I don't know if it's a pregnancy thing or if it's the fact that Dr. told me to stop taking my Lexapro because of the pregnancy? I don't know, all I know is even when I have slept well I am still exhausted.
I guess I should be feeling fortunate since that is basically my only pregnancy symptom. But I cannot wait until this fatigue passes and I can feel normal again.
I don't feel queasy anymore, when I do it's for only a short period of time and it passes quickly. But I notice that i am more sensitive to nasty smells or foul-appearing things. For instance, I used to have a stomach of steel. Nothing bothered me. But now if I were accidentally come in contact with someone elses phlegm, I might just start to become very nauseated.
I think my boobs are bigger, ick. They were big enough! They are a little sore on the outsides though.
I scheduled my first Dr. appt. for July 24 and they will do an ultrasound then.

Apparently David saw this girl that we used to know and told her the news. She had a hard time believing it since I hadn't been off the pill very long when I got pregnant. I reminded David that people get pregnant on the pill all the time. All it takes is to miss one!! I took another EPT test to prove it though. In addition to the previous 4 tests I had already taken that were all positive!
Geeez! Leslie is a know-it-all though. She was a friggin lab tech years ago, how does that make her an expert on medical info? I would think that since I'm a nurse that my knowledge of the human body would be reliable. Heck, I don't know it all but I'll admit it if I don't know something.
David also had said recently that Walter's girlfriend is already " showing" ( getting fat) She is two weeks ahead of me and she works part time and doesn't have a 21 month old boy. If I didn't have anything else to do I'd probably sit on my butt and eat all day. I'd probably be getting fat,too.
Last time I checked I weighed 117 lbs. Most of that is probably my boobs. I'm in no hurry to pack on the pounds. Last time I gained 40, I'm hoping not to do it again. It took a year post partum to lose it all, and I had to do ALOT of walking.

Seth and I went to the pool today and we had a very fun time! It's beautiful out right now, but I saw some storm clouds forming. Right now he's watching " Jack's Big Music Show". I love him so much. I have to watch what I say these days since he repeates eveything almost! He's a really good kid. Happy, very loving, active, and I think he's very smart! I hope baby #2 will be as great as he is! I think another boy would be neat. david's hoping for a girl though. Either way we'll be happy. It will be a surprise like last time.

And baby makes 4!

Last Wed. I started feeling slightly queasy. I attributed it to the fried food I had for lunch. It was only slight! Then I had it Thurs and Fri. also. Friday I only had cereal for lunch so I was a little suspicious because I have been eating the same cereal all of my life and I never get nauseated...no matter what! And I deal with some pretty gross stuff at work at times...anyways, I was at the grocery store and thought I would get a pregnancy test, just to prove to myself that it was all in my head. Imagine my surprise when a plus sign appeared on my store brand test! So of course I treid the other in the box and the same thing happened! I immediately called my friend Tammy since I was in shock. I was shaking from excitement! Then I called David...he said" Already! that was fast!" and proceded to tell all of his friends. He was amazed that he felt so thrilled actually. My entire family is happy and I feel great!
I am estimating that I am just over 4 weeks pregnant which would make me due in early March. I must have "o"d around the time David and I were in Orlando for my birthday! (I got a baby for my birthday, hee hee)
So far I have just a tiny bit of early-mid afternoon sickness. NO sore boobs like with Seth and NO other symptoms at all. Okay so maybe I'm a bit tired.

So far so good! My sis is hoping it's a girl so her and Amber can be friends. This will be fun...

various photos of my life

Seth, me and the new kitty ( they won't leave me alone!
Amber Paige, my new neice born June1st. I love her!



Seth in the bath

Grrrrrr!

David has been off for most of the week. I STILL had my mom come over and watch Seth because I thought that he could do some stuff around the house. Well, he didn't. Yesterday he reqested that I write up a list of things to do and he would work on them today. Well, he ended up going into work around 11 and them he finished half of the job and went to band practice. Then called me to tell me that he will probably get a cab home since he was planning on drinking. So I said. " Great, you went to work late, did half a job then you're going to get drunk" I was upset that he accomplished NOTHING this week for being off. Then I tell him that I think he's been drinking too much lately. He blames me for his drinking...because he hates his life, he's unloved, etc. I was just pissed because if I am going to support someone when they aren't bringing home money, well then they better do something worthwhile. NOT play on the computer or play video games while my mom watches the boy. Oddly enough, I am not upset. Just unhappy.

Now that Seth has a new cousin...

We have decided to have another child. Not because of Amber , we actually decided the week before she was born, so now we are "not preventing" another baby. So whatever happens, happens. I am hoping for another boy since we have all boy stuff, that would save us a bit of money.
David's best friend's girlfriend is newly pregnant so now the pressure is on for me to be as well so our babies will be born close together. I guess that would be neat having another person pregnant at the same time as me. Andrea is a nice girl, even though she's 9 years younger than me. We just never talked much because we had nothing in common. I think that would be very cool. And the daddys-to be could have something to talk about as well. Of course Seth is my #1. He's so wonderful. I think he will be a great big brother. Whenever I get preg, of course. It did take 6 months with Seth and we were trying for that!

She's heeeeere!

Amber Paige was born at 1955(9:55PM) on June 1, 2006 weighing 5 lbs 12 oz. 18 inches long. She is a tiny little thing but adorable as anything. I love her. My sister is doing well, a little achy but who isn't after giving birth?
Seth and I am going to her house tomorrow afternoon after they are discharged from the hospital.
Today i was able to go to see them at the hospital. I got to hold little Amber. She has the cutest feet ever!!I am so proud.

June 1st is a lovely day to be born...

My sis called me to tell me that she is going in to be induced tomorrow at 1100! I am sooo excited! In 24 hours, I will be an aunt! I can't tell anyone( except David) because it is a secret but I am absolutely thrilled.
My birthday is in 1 week, I will be 29 years old! Today i made the reservations for the hotel. We will be within walking distance of Universal Studios. We haven't spent a night away withou Seth since our anniversary in September. It's about time. Note to self: don't drink so much that I pass out without any nookie.
Today Seth and I went to the park in Punta Gorda again. Seth walked in the water, eventually sitting in it in his sunsuit! Next time I will just put his swim suit on and let him wade in the water. It was rather hot but pleasant there by the water. The breeze off the harbor really lowers the extremely hot temperature and makes for a lovely day.
David was working out in PGI so I dropped his lunch off on the way. That's all I 've seen of him today since he's at band practice.
We have a new kitty that we've decided to name Squibb. Squibb is a PIA during the night and likes to sleep on my head. In the several times I removed her from that location and placed her on the floor she scratched the heck outout of my hand. Ick!
I showed Seth my boo-boo and he kissed it and said "hurts?" .

I love that little boy.

My mom and Seth.

A few years back my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer with metastasis to the lymph nodes. She went through chemotherapy and radiation, you know, the works. As a result she ended up with radiation poisoning which prevented her hair from completely growing back among some other things. Therefore, she always wears a baseball cap to cover her very thin head of hair.
She babysits him on the days I work so she has had a hand in teaching him many words, and for that I am most fortunate. Apparently he is fascinated with her hat and always asks " Whats that?" Of course she tells him" hat". Well now he seems to think that anything on top of your head is a hat. I try to tell him " head" or "hair" but he just says " hat". To him he points at my hair and says " hat". Sometimes he will place one of his rings on top of his head and announce " hat". He's so strange...

In any case, I will take this moment to record for posterity that...I LOVE MY MOM!!!

I know she won't read this but, I will tell her tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day ,Mom! You are the best. I couldn't have chosen a better mom if I tried. I'm glad to have her, and hope to have her in my ( and Seth's) life for many more years.....

My 50 bucks was found!!

I received a call from Toni at work telling me that someone turned it in. How lucky am I that I work at such a honest place. I am very grateful.

I lost 50 bucks

David had just given it to me and I went to my work with the boy to turn in some paperwork. Well Once I got in the door I realized that it was gone. I am so mad at myself right now.I have checked everywhere. Grrrr....

The wonders of Lexapro

Aside from this crappy cold I have had lately I have been feeling really good. Physically and mentally. I just am not sure if I have improved those areas of my life that were bugging me or is it because I upped my dosage of my antidepressant medication. Even my coworker commented to me that I have changed. He stated " You used to be so angry" And I wholeheartedly agree. I was more than happy to participate in any whine-fest anywhere, anytime. Now I would prefer not to. Whine-fests bring me down and I don't want to hear it. I don't feel as grumpy toward my husband either. Actually I feel more loving toward him than I have in a while. Is it the Lexapro? I don't know ,but I certainly can't complain.
I have a cold right now that is a pain in my butt. I think that the worst is over ,but I feel so run down and blah. Everytime I try to lie down for a while Seth grabs the blanket off of me and says, "Come!" I can't stay in one place for too long with him around. He's just as cute as can be!
My sister's baby shower was Sunday and she made out pretty well. I can't believe that in a little less than a month that my little sis will have a baby! I am so excited! I cannot wait to hold the little baby in my arms. They don't know the gender so I am hoping for a boy but I have a feeling that it's a girl. I also am hoping that it is born on June 8. The due date is June 6 but the 8th is my birthday and also Jason's (her husband) birthday. He is exactly one year younger than me. Anyway i think that would be so cool.

My myspace site....

David sorta discovered Myspace and started a profile. I decided to as well. It's kinda neat. I'm still working on personalizing it but I have a couple pics and some info there. I'm not sure if I wasnt to get the blog started...How am I going to keep up two blogs!!! Anyway if anyone reads this check it out and add me to your friends if you have a site, too.




Check me out!

A lovely day at the park

Seth and I went to the park in Punta Gorda today and the weather was just lovely! We played on the swings a little and wandered throught the nature trail looking for birds. All we found were fiddler crabs though and some little needlenose fish swimming in the pond. Seth really liked watching the fish swim! Alot of people had taked their boats out into the harbor today so Seth got to see alot of boats out. He really liked that, especially the sail boats. He kept pointing and saying "oat" Very cute. We had alot of fun. David was home today but wasn't feeling well so he stayed home. Oh well...his loss, we had a good time.

David is at band practice now and Seth is bouncing his orange ball in the hallway. "What's that?" I ask. Seth responds, "ball!" then he drops it and says " drop" . Heck, I didn't even know he could say drop! He says so many things that I stopped keeping track, there is just too many to write them all down. What a smart boy.

my sweet little boy...

My new car!!! and a pic of a baby mockingbird

At least he sleeps well...

Once he falls asleep that is. When I say that seth hates sleep it's only the initial falling asleep part. Once he passes out he sleeps like a rock and for that I am most fortunate. But how do I get him to fall asleep better? Omit naps? Wear him out more ( without wearing me out)? i don't know what to do. Will he outgrow this phase? I know as a kid i never liked going to bed, could it be a hereditary trait?

sex, water and air conditioning.

this week has been really good. I have decided not to take the new job. I have decided to stay in the position that I am currently at with out any changes. I would miss everyone too much. I have made too many friends here. I just can't leave. Besides it's getting better. I also upped my dose of Lexapro so maybe that is what is making it all so tolerable. ???
David and I actually had sex thursday after long last. It wasn't as superb as it could have been. Seth was crying and crying like he does every night. He absolutely hates sleep. Of course, I knew that Seth was okay and safe in his crib but the crying and crying....for no reason! GRRR!!!! Will I ever have sex again?!

Today was a hot one. Seth was splashing in the bird bath so we filled up his kiddie pool for him. He liked it okay, he kept getting in the pool and then out of the pool then in the pool and out. I really just don't think he likes to be in one place for too long. I can't believe the energy this kid has. It's amazing.

The A/C was leaking in the garage. Fortunately we only had it installed 11 months ago so the A/C man came out and fixed it at no charge to us. Lucky us. It would have been a $70 service charge.

This morning we took my mom to the fabric store so she could get materials to make my sister's baby a blanket. Then she took us to lunch. Seth didn't eat very much but he behaved really well. I can't believe how fast he is growing!
Everyday he says something new, I was writing it all down but he is saying so much at such a rapid rate I can't keep up anymore! He's so great.

I love my husband and son. I am a lucky girl.

My boy is very cute...

My boy is strange...

blueberry pie, playground, massage and new job?

My last day of work was supposed to be yesterday. Of course, they asked me to stay a little longer. And I agreed. WTH? I don't have another job yet ,anyway. I have to think about paying the bills. They offered me the restorative nurse position. And I accepted. Whever they have someone to fill my current position I will start. I will be working Monday through Friday, similar hours as to my current hours. They will send be to a different facility in Clearwater for a day of training and I will also get a dollar an hour raise. I will have 3 CNAs working under me. I will be in charge of seating arrangements in the dining room, supervising breakfast and lunch in the dining room, weighing all of the residents on a monthly basis and charting the results. I will also be in charge of bed alarms and B&B retraining monitoring. Actually from what i see the 3 CNAs do most of the work. We'll see if i actually get the job or if they are just stringing me along and I am merely a fool for staying.
I made a bluberry pie for David two days ago and he hasn't even eaten any. Bleh. I can always make another. Making pies are soo easy! Too easy actually. I think that next i will try making something more challenging. Maybe a loaf of bread, last time was pretty fun. Fresh bread is so delicious.

I had scheduled a massage for david yesterday but he couldn't make it. He was too far away to make it in time and besides his stomach is still bothering him. I went in his place. Becky and I just talked for over an hour before the massage even started, David was getting worried about me since i was gone so long. It was a lovely massage, I feel so relaxed today.

On wednesday seth and I went to the park and wandered around. He liked watching the other kids on the playground and walking in the murky water ( with his water shoes on, of course). It was a beautiful day and we had fun. Today I think that we will go to the playground near us and see what fun we can find. It's a beautiful day and I love any excuse to drive my new car! hee hee!

Blue blue blue

Is how i feel today. Not sure why, just am. Maybe because I am leaving my job of 5 years and all of the friends that I have made over the years. Last time I left it was understood to be only a temporary situation. Now it's a permanent situation.
Maybe because Tammy was being cranky and mean to me at work today.
Maybe because lately, David has been cranky every day. ( He's that way every year around his birthday, bleh)Evry day he's talking about how every one hates him and how Walter gets to have all kinds of fun and take vacations and he doesn't get to do anything, wah, wah ,wah!!!!
Maybe because I am leaving my job and do not have a new one yet....And a have a new car payment to deal with. I'm telling you i wish I had someone to make desicions for me because all I ever do is make stupid ones.
I wish David was here to give me a hug. Seth is here but it's just not the same as David's strong arms around me to make me feel like it will all be alright.

I will soon be 29. I feel so old. Did you know that Third Eye Blind's first album came out in 1997? Almost 10 years ago. I played the heck out of that CD when it came out. I feel like it was only yesterday. So much has happened in that time. And yet i feel like it has been so little also.

Whoo hoo! I have a new car!

It's a 2006 Chevy Cobalt. It's a rather periwinkle-ish color with a spoiler. It's very basic as far as extras , but I don't need them ( and can't afford them anyway) Best of all it's a 5 speed manual transmission, how fun!! I love it. And david is very jealous. " You are so lucky to have a 5 speed!", he says. I am leasing it for 241.00 amonth. Had to practically beg for that low of payments though. I am so happy and now i don't have anything to whine about.

Now I need to find a new job.

No car...yet

So far David and I have been to two places looking for cars. The first was a Toyota place. I fell in love with a Corolla, but it was not meant to be. The payments were just too much. The Honda Civic was just as expensive and wasn't as fancy. I would have been plenty happy with it though. It was a lovely shade of red.
Shopping with an18 month old isn't easy. He wants to run, run, run everywhere into everything and everyone. Poor little guy gets so bored. It doesn't help that we have to fill out a ton of paperwork to check our credit and then the salesman has to go back and forth to the "supervisor" several times to discuss prices. ( I'm not stupid, I know that is a game and they don't actually discuss anything with anyone. It's merely a ploy) But i tell them first hand that i do not have time for games!!!! First time a get a price I'm not happy with i am out the door. Both places the salesman followed us to our car still attempting to sell us stuff. Blech. Car salesmen are the scum of the earth.
Tonorrow my sis and I are going to go to another car place. Hopefully this will be the "one". I don't know how much longer I can deal with car shopping!

i only have a little over a week until I am leaving my job. I have many options but I don't know exactly where I want to go work. I have to renew my CPR certification before I do anything. I think I might take a week off before i start a new job.

I hope I have good luck with my silly car shopping. Ick!