I used to get mad but now I mostly just cry.
Everyday I hear that he hates me and that I make him so angry. If I didn't make him so angry he wouldn't have to yell at me. If I don't respond it makes him more angry and he yells more. If I do respond, the same exact thing happens. He also yells at his brother and tells him he hates him also.
I hear a lot of " My life is so horrible, I hate my life. Everything bad always happens to me!"
Seth is more likely to let his behavior roll off his back. Seth sees how sad it makes me and gives me hugs,
"You know that later he will say he's sorry and that he didn't mean it."
Seth and I joke that there is a "Nice Sean" and "Mean Sean". Nobody likes Mean Sean. Sean doesn't even like Mean Sean. He claims that he tries so hard to be Nice Sean. But of course, when Mean Sean comes out it is usually my fault. According to him.
Because I asked him to turn off the video game, or do his homework, or go brush his teeth, or go to bed, or get out of bed, or go to school, etc, etc.
Afterward he also gives me lots of hugs and tells me he is so sorry and that he doesn't mean it and that he will try harder next time to control Mean Sean. He becomes extra helpful and sweet and nice. Until the next time.
One night walking home from scouts I joked, with my dark humor, that I was going to make Sean Stew for dinner. We always joke like that. I think it's fairly obvious that I would never cook my child for dinner.
Sean became very angry and told me I was such a mean mom for "threatening" to kill my child and he was going to call the police and report me.
I thought that it might be a middle child syndrome or feeling somewhat neglected because of Joshua. One of the reasons we got him involved with Cub Scouts. I go to meetings and campouts, just him and me. I thought it might help but it hasn't.
Sometimes he just makes me sad and cry, other times I am scared at what his irrational anger might morph into. I am not sure what to do. Right now he only has Medicaid so psychiatrists aren't really an option. Besides he is nice to everyone else so they wouldn't see his anger anyway.
He saves his anger and hate for me only. I don't know why. But my heart can't take much more.
