After I got out of the shower I was flipping through David's Playboy magazine. Seth walked in and saw the layout of Amanda Beard and said, " Pictures of you Mom?"
Yep, I totally have the body of an Olympic swimmer. Looking at the pics was like looking in the mirror. :)
Gotta love him.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Fonda:1 Migraine:0
Yesterday evening I began to develop the most awful headache. By the middle of the night my entire head was throbbing, my neck hurt, and I was nauseated. I tried to take the last half of a Percocet that David had with a glass of milk but I vomited it up before it had any chance to take effect. (Eww, reminder to self-If I am feeling the slightest bit nauseated-Don't drink milk)
In any case, I called in sick around 2 AM because I had a feeling that I would not be very capable by the morning. I was correct. I tossed and turned but my throbbing head was so horribly painful, nothing made me comfortable. A headache that severe HAD to be a migraine.
Fortunately, David was very sympathetic and let me lay around much of the day while he did the bulk of the child care.
I called my sister to beg for anything that might relieve my pain. I was feeling desperate. I was thinking "At least labor was shorter than this has lasted!" It was probably the 3 rd migraine I have ever had and I am certainly not hoping for a 4th.
Fonda showed up and it was if the clouds had opened and an angel was standing there at my door with a Vicodin with my name on it.
My head is still a tiny bit achey but I can definitely handle it. No more throbbing. I can function yet again.
Thank goodness for prescription drugs!
In any case, I called in sick around 2 AM because I had a feeling that I would not be very capable by the morning. I was correct. I tossed and turned but my throbbing head was so horribly painful, nothing made me comfortable. A headache that severe HAD to be a migraine.
Fortunately, David was very sympathetic and let me lay around much of the day while he did the bulk of the child care.
I called my sister to beg for anything that might relieve my pain. I was feeling desperate. I was thinking "At least labor was shorter than this has lasted!" It was probably the 3 rd migraine I have ever had and I am certainly not hoping for a 4th.
Fonda showed up and it was if the clouds had opened and an angel was standing there at my door with a Vicodin with my name on it.
My head is still a tiny bit achey but I can definitely handle it. No more throbbing. I can function yet again.
Thank goodness for prescription drugs!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Sean's a roller now!
He can roll from back to his belly. Now that he can he wants to roll all the time, even in the bath. It sure is a pain in the butt to wash a kid who keeps trying to roll out of his tub.
He sure is a happy guy though. And cute as a button, even if he has two chins and looks like the Michelin man. He's going to catch up with Seth pretty soon. I joked with David that we should put him on Good Start Lite formula! Do they make low fat baby food? I'm totally kidding, I know he needs all that nutrition. And if he's anything like Seth he will become more proportioned once he's up and crawling.
I still haven't spoken to my mom. Apparently my sister isn't allowed over there either per Mom's husband. I guess he made a derogatory comment to my mom and my sister had to defend her. He kicked her out of the house.
It's odd that my mom didn't stand up for Fonda though. It's all weird. What's going on with her? David questioned that at well when I told him the story.
Maybe mom is enjoying some alone time to rest and take care of herself for once? I can't believe that she wouldn't want Fonda and I (and the grandkids!) out of her life?
David is working now. A couple weeks ago he got a job at my work washing dishes in the evening. Not big bucks, but it's something for now. And the hours work perfectly for us. I work 7-3 and he works 4:30 to 8ish. If I pick up any doubles I just have to give the list to the kitchen supervisor and she won't schedule him on that day.
I am feeling better lately. I am glad to enjoy my days again.
He sure is a happy guy though. And cute as a button, even if he has two chins and looks like the Michelin man. He's going to catch up with Seth pretty soon. I joked with David that we should put him on Good Start Lite formula! Do they make low fat baby food? I'm totally kidding, I know he needs all that nutrition. And if he's anything like Seth he will become more proportioned once he's up and crawling.
I still haven't spoken to my mom. Apparently my sister isn't allowed over there either per Mom's husband. I guess he made a derogatory comment to my mom and my sister had to defend her. He kicked her out of the house.
It's odd that my mom didn't stand up for Fonda though. It's all weird. What's going on with her? David questioned that at well when I told him the story.
Maybe mom is enjoying some alone time to rest and take care of herself for once? I can't believe that she wouldn't want Fonda and I (and the grandkids!) out of her life?
David is working now. A couple weeks ago he got a job at my work washing dishes in the evening. Not big bucks, but it's something for now. And the hours work perfectly for us. I work 7-3 and he works 4:30 to 8ish. If I pick up any doubles I just have to give the list to the kitchen supervisor and she won't schedule him on that day.
I am feeling better lately. I am glad to enjoy my days again.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Envy
I envy alot of people. I am not proud of this but I look at others and think, " She's so pretty" or " Her hair is so nice and straight and shiny",etc. I've been this way for ages, I am never completely happy with myself and my life. Lately it's more like, " She's has such a good job, I bet she doesn't have to worrry about her bills" or " It must be nice to be able to order lunch every day, I wish I could do that". Or especially, " She seems so together and confident, why can't I be more like that?"
But then a lady at work told me that she envied me.
She asked ," How does it feel to be envied?"
I never in a million years thought anyone would envy me. She has a college education and a good job but she married later in life and never had children. It puts things in perspective for me. Some of the most special things in life cannot be bought or sold. Like family.
Sometimes I feel like selling Seth to the circus though. LOL :)
But then a lady at work told me that she envied me.
She asked ," How does it feel to be envied?"
I never in a million years thought anyone would envy me. She has a college education and a good job but she married later in life and never had children. It puts things in perspective for me. Some of the most special things in life cannot be bought or sold. Like family.
Sometimes I feel like selling Seth to the circus though. LOL :)
Thursday, June 14, 2007
My dysfunctional life
The following is copied and pasted from a message board I belong to. I posted it late Wednesday 6-12-07. I felt it was significant enough to include in my blog but I just couldn't type all of that, I even left mispellings and punctuation errors. Even re-reading it is very upsetting to me and I still feel like I want to throw up:
"Please no flaming because that is the last thing I need.I was at the mall today and Seth ran away from the play area, I had to chase him but in the process I left Sean in the stroller at the play area. I shouldn't have left him but i wasn't thiking I just wanted to catch Seth before he got out of sight-he moves very fast.Anyway I asked my mom for advice about how to stop this behavior- running away, not listening, talking back, etc. He has been actiing up lately. First off, my mom says I "fucked up" and she would have slapped me for leaving the stroller( ok I deserved that) but then she says that Seth is acting out because we don't give him enough attention and that we are bad parents and we give all the attention to Sean But wait-I am a bad parent to Sean too because I put him on my grandma's bed for a nap the other day and he could have fallen off. (he doesn't roll yet and he's not even close) She says David doesn't pay any attention to Seth while I'm at work because she came over one day and he had a very soggy diaper on. She says that Seth is ALWAYS good for HER even though he fights me to get changed, get dressed, brush his teeth, etc. I am also a bad mom because I told him he was a bad boy at my mom's because he dumped out all of the fish food into the fish tank. Then she says that I should pack him up and she will come get him tomorrow and I shouldn't fight her about the matter. I also might add that she was obviously drunk during this entire conversation. I am so scared she is actually going to try to take him tomorrow and I am doing a double shift so I have warned David not to let her in. I know that even if she called HRS about me they wouldn't let het take him considering she gets drunk daily and she is on disability. But David and I are under alot of stress with him being unemployed and our financial situation.Do you think I should be worried? I am so scared I feel like I want to throw up."
Now I am fortunate that nothing has come of this issue since that day. She hasn't called and certainly hasn't shown up at my house to take my son away from me. I am hoping that it was simply alcohol talking. For many years I have been just trying to avoid my mom when she drinks in the evening and it hasn't been any issue. If I don't really see her that way then I don't have to deal with it. But when she threatens to take my boy I think it's a big problem.
Now my husband enjoys his beer as well. But he's down to two beers a day. By far better than what he used to drink once upon a time. But we also can't afford it either so it's forcing him to cut down ( one of the very few positive things that has come out of us being poor lately) I am proud of him for it.
But( and this is no excuse) David always tolerated his alcohol very well. I cannot even tell when he has been drinking unless it was an excessive amount ( which is once or twice a year)I always remind him to make sure he eats something and paces himself-drinking water inbetween beers as well. And he has taken all of my advice since he loves me. I know I cannot expect him to quit.
My mom cannot handle her alcohol. She turns into a different person. Sometimes argumentative and she always slurs. It makes me very sad.
I know I will not get any brownie points from anyone for writing all of this but I am just so tired of holding it all in. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it except my grandmother.
I am hoping this all blows over. I know my sons love me very much. They are very happy and Seth is very active and social. He loves to laugh and give hugs and kiss boo boos. If David and I were such bad parents I am sure Seth wouldn't be so well adjusted. He will just have to adjust to sharing his parents with his new brother. There is no way around it.
I never thought I would live such a dysfunctional life.
"Please no flaming because that is the last thing I need.I was at the mall today and Seth ran away from the play area, I had to chase him but in the process I left Sean in the stroller at the play area. I shouldn't have left him but i wasn't thiking I just wanted to catch Seth before he got out of sight-he moves very fast.Anyway I asked my mom for advice about how to stop this behavior- running away, not listening, talking back, etc. He has been actiing up lately. First off, my mom says I "fucked up" and she would have slapped me for leaving the stroller( ok I deserved that) but then she says that Seth is acting out because we don't give him enough attention and that we are bad parents and we give all the attention to Sean But wait-I am a bad parent to Sean too because I put him on my grandma's bed for a nap the other day and he could have fallen off. (he doesn't roll yet and he's not even close) She says David doesn't pay any attention to Seth while I'm at work because she came over one day and he had a very soggy diaper on. She says that Seth is ALWAYS good for HER even though he fights me to get changed, get dressed, brush his teeth, etc. I am also a bad mom because I told him he was a bad boy at my mom's because he dumped out all of the fish food into the fish tank. Then she says that I should pack him up and she will come get him tomorrow and I shouldn't fight her about the matter. I also might add that she was obviously drunk during this entire conversation. I am so scared she is actually going to try to take him tomorrow and I am doing a double shift so I have warned David not to let her in. I know that even if she called HRS about me they wouldn't let het take him considering she gets drunk daily and she is on disability. But David and I are under alot of stress with him being unemployed and our financial situation.Do you think I should be worried? I am so scared I feel like I want to throw up."
Now I am fortunate that nothing has come of this issue since that day. She hasn't called and certainly hasn't shown up at my house to take my son away from me. I am hoping that it was simply alcohol talking. For many years I have been just trying to avoid my mom when she drinks in the evening and it hasn't been any issue. If I don't really see her that way then I don't have to deal with it. But when she threatens to take my boy I think it's a big problem.
Now my husband enjoys his beer as well. But he's down to two beers a day. By far better than what he used to drink once upon a time. But we also can't afford it either so it's forcing him to cut down ( one of the very few positive things that has come out of us being poor lately) I am proud of him for it.
But( and this is no excuse) David always tolerated his alcohol very well. I cannot even tell when he has been drinking unless it was an excessive amount ( which is once or twice a year)I always remind him to make sure he eats something and paces himself-drinking water inbetween beers as well. And he has taken all of my advice since he loves me. I know I cannot expect him to quit.
My mom cannot handle her alcohol. She turns into a different person. Sometimes argumentative and she always slurs. It makes me very sad.
I know I will not get any brownie points from anyone for writing all of this but I am just so tired of holding it all in. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it except my grandmother.
I am hoping this all blows over. I know my sons love me very much. They are very happy and Seth is very active and social. He loves to laugh and give hugs and kiss boo boos. If David and I were such bad parents I am sure Seth wouldn't be so well adjusted. He will just have to adjust to sharing his parents with his new brother. There is no way around it.
I never thought I would live such a dysfunctional life.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Just breathe
Inhale deeply and let it out slow. When I start to feel very anxious I have to remind myself to do this to calm myself. Or my chest starts to feel very tight and sore. Sometimes I will hyperventilate.
I think I am stronger than I think I am, but it is very frustrating when other people don't help a little. We have to work together sometimes in this life to get ahead. It's no fun to give up things that you enjoy. I know it but it's neccesary. I really think in a couple months things will be a little better but it's hard right now.
I had the cable switched to basic limited with a few family channels. I threatened to turn off the internet but that went over like a ton of bricks.
I just want to save some money for a couple months, not forever, geez!
Why am I the only one making sacrifices?
Even when I am fully rested I still feel tired. My back and shoulders are so tense they ache constantly. I feel so edgy most of the time. I'm tired of it.
I think I am stronger than I think I am, but it is very frustrating when other people don't help a little. We have to work together sometimes in this life to get ahead. It's no fun to give up things that you enjoy. I know it but it's neccesary. I really think in a couple months things will be a little better but it's hard right now.
I had the cable switched to basic limited with a few family channels. I threatened to turn off the internet but that went over like a ton of bricks.
I just want to save some money for a couple months, not forever, geez!
Why am I the only one making sacrifices?
Even when I am fully rested I still feel tired. My back and shoulders are so tense they ache constantly. I feel so edgy most of the time. I'm tired of it.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Happy birthday to me!
Yes, I am now 30 years old. I spent much of yesterday feeling rather blah and sad about it but after I went to my grandmother's in the evening for dinner-I felt so much better. The food was wonderful and the company was even better. All of my family was there, it was just what I needed to stop me from feeling sorry for myself. My dad got me a tandem stroller for the boys, my sister got me a book and a gift card to Old Navy, Mamaw gave me $30, and my mom is going to take me and Seth to breakfast on Tuesday. I made out well. I can't wait to try out the stroller but I simply did not feel up to going anyewhere today.
Afterward Heather and her sis, Stephanie, watched the boys while David and I went out to have a couple drinks. We had a great time and then came home and chatted with Heather and Stephanie until 2AM. My brother, Sean showed up as well when he got off of work and hung out.
So I saw everyone in my family yesterday. It made for a pretty good day.
It was also my brother-in-law, Jason's birthday ,too. But he's one year younger than me. Every year I am very glad to share my birthday with him. It makes the day a little bit more special, I think. His daughter ( my neice) Amber's birthday was last Friday so birthday's are quite prevalent this time of year. We went to my sister's father-in-law's house for dinner and we all had a good time-I might add both boys slept excellently that night.
I had hoped I would be in a better financial position my my 30th birthday but it was not to be. I am healthy, as is my sons. I have a great family and a good job. A wonderful husband. If I only had financial security everything would be-dare I say-perfect? I just don't want to worry about the bills anymore. I'll get there someday.
Afterward Heather and her sis, Stephanie, watched the boys while David and I went out to have a couple drinks. We had a great time and then came home and chatted with Heather and Stephanie until 2AM. My brother, Sean showed up as well when he got off of work and hung out.
So I saw everyone in my family yesterday. It made for a pretty good day.
It was also my brother-in-law, Jason's birthday ,too. But he's one year younger than me. Every year I am very glad to share my birthday with him. It makes the day a little bit more special, I think. His daughter ( my neice) Amber's birthday was last Friday so birthday's are quite prevalent this time of year. We went to my sister's father-in-law's house for dinner and we all had a good time-I might add both boys slept excellently that night.
I had hoped I would be in a better financial position my my 30th birthday but it was not to be. I am healthy, as is my sons. I have a great family and a good job. A wonderful husband. If I only had financial security everything would be-dare I say-perfect? I just don't want to worry about the bills anymore. I'll get there someday.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
I survived my double shift
Damn, I felt like hell when I got home though. My legs and feet were very achy. Of course, my first double shift in years happened to fall on the same day that the state surveyors show up. It's super annoying when I am trying to pass my meds out and the surveyor wants to ask me questions about every resident on the stinkin' hall. Especially on a hallway that I'm not used to so I only know the basics about them. The 3-11 CNAs are morons so that didn't make my day any easier. One of them was trying to tell me that one lady's catheter came off in quite broken English. I simply said "I don't know what you are trying to say, she never HAD a catheter" Apparently her colostomy appliance was overflowing and making a mess so she had to remove it and this CNA wanted me to put on a new one. You don't have to be a brain surgeon to know the difference from a colostomy and a catheter..scary.
The overtime pay will make it all worthwhile though. Next paycheck will have 3 overtime days on it so that should be pretty nice.
David brought Sean into work at my lunchtime since I wouldn't have a chance to see him in a whole day so that was nice. Seth went to my mom's for a few hours so David could get a break. It's wonderful to have so much support from my family. I don't know what I would do without them. That includes you Fonda! :)
David opted not to stay with the other restaurant job so he got a job at my work. It's only about 4 hours in the evenings a few days a week but it's something. He passed the drug test so now we are just waiting for his background check and then they will call with his hours. Of course, his background is clean so we should get a call in the next couple days.
My dad is getting me a double stroller for my birthday on Friday! I am ridiculously excited about this. I even dreamt about it last night. Jewelry? Flowers? I could care less. I'd rather have a gift card so that I could buy stuff for my boys. That includes David, yes he is one my boys.
The overtime pay will make it all worthwhile though. Next paycheck will have 3 overtime days on it so that should be pretty nice.
David brought Sean into work at my lunchtime since I wouldn't have a chance to see him in a whole day so that was nice. Seth went to my mom's for a few hours so David could get a break. It's wonderful to have so much support from my family. I don't know what I would do without them. That includes you Fonda! :)
David opted not to stay with the other restaurant job so he got a job at my work. It's only about 4 hours in the evenings a few days a week but it's something. He passed the drug test so now we are just waiting for his background check and then they will call with his hours. Of course, his background is clean so we should get a call in the next couple days.
My dad is getting me a double stroller for my birthday on Friday! I am ridiculously excited about this. I even dreamt about it last night. Jewelry? Flowers? I could care less. I'd rather have a gift card so that I could buy stuff for my boys. That includes David, yes he is one my boys.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Thank goodness Sean is easy to please.
Because everything else in my life requires so much effort!
Seth has the energy of five 2 year olds. He's happy as can be but I am too worn out to play all day.
I am working and working as much as I can so I can make a big fat paycheck so I can pay all of my bills. Tomorrow I have signed up for a double shift- 7AM to 11 PM. What a looong day it will be. I am not thrilled but it's a bit of a neccesity these days. I don't even care if neccesity is spelled incorrectly, bleh.
I am trying to keep my sanity as my 30th birthday approaches. I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I wish I could postpone my 30th until next year.
If I was rich and famous I think I would check myself into one of those rehab centers the stars go to when they need to recover from " exhaustion". Boy, that would be nice.
About Sean-he is the easiest baby ever! He goes to sleep easily and sleeps very well. He is content to sit in his bouncy seat or swing and watch the worl go by. When he does get a little fussy, he is usually hungry. Give him a bottle and he will suck it down like you wouldn't believe. But he is by no means lethargic or sleepy. He is extremely alert and loves to watch everything going on around him. He loves to smile-he does it alot. When you tickle his chin he will get a huge grin and sometimes he will squeal, especially when David is doing it.
He's a good boy.
Seth has the energy of five 2 year olds. He's happy as can be but I am too worn out to play all day.
I am working and working as much as I can so I can make a big fat paycheck so I can pay all of my bills. Tomorrow I have signed up for a double shift- 7AM to 11 PM. What a looong day it will be. I am not thrilled but it's a bit of a neccesity these days. I don't even care if neccesity is spelled incorrectly, bleh.
I am trying to keep my sanity as my 30th birthday approaches. I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I wish I could postpone my 30th until next year.
If I was rich and famous I think I would check myself into one of those rehab centers the stars go to when they need to recover from " exhaustion". Boy, that would be nice.
About Sean-he is the easiest baby ever! He goes to sleep easily and sleeps very well. He is content to sit in his bouncy seat or swing and watch the worl go by. When he does get a little fussy, he is usually hungry. Give him a bottle and he will suck it down like you wouldn't believe. But he is by no means lethargic or sleepy. He is extremely alert and loves to watch everything going on around him. He loves to smile-he does it alot. When you tickle his chin he will get a huge grin and sometimes he will squeal, especially when David is doing it.
He's a good boy.
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