Another bump in the road...

Of course, will it ever end? And my mom wonders why I'm such a nutcase these days.
David has a slow work week (again) next week. So I paid the mortgage with my most recent pay check and the next one I would like to get back on track and pay it early. How am I going to pay all of the other crap that's due, you ask? Good question. I have about $600 bills due for the rest of the month..not including credit cards. My credit card is majorly over limit due to late fees and interest and the minimum due is $ 522.00!!! I think I am going to have to suck it up and take it to a credit counseling agency because the interest and fees are eating me alive!!!
I was hoping that I could pay the rest of the bills with the paychecks David recieves in the next couple weeks but if they are slow I am out of luck. David says that we could get caught up with our tax return but i had to remind him that the tax return will need to keep us going for the 3 months I am out of work because I may not get my short term disability check until near the end of my leave.
Oddly enough I feel better having written all of that, sort of like i have transferred my worries onto someone elses shoulders, even though I haven't.
At least while David is out of work he can clean the baby room and prepare it for furniture. He gets awfully irritable when I nag him about it and financial issues but I need to remember that he is probably more stressed out than me. It's not HIS fault his work is slow and he is well aware that it's the worst time for this to happen. He wants to be the good provider that takes care of his family but things aren't seeming to work out this way.
I would like to have the room clear and ready for my baby shower stuff on Saturday. I need somewhere to put my stuff and set up the swing and all. If I don't have a crib yet it's okay since I will be getting the cradle back from my sis and baby will be sleeping in that at first anyway.
I need to get a set of drawers to put the baby clothes in. I suppose that I could always use a couple of Seth's empty drawers in his room for now. So the furniture will be a little sparse..eh, it's small room anyway.

I always like to think that God won't ever give you something you can't handle, but i am a little more sensitive to my surroundings than most. I like to think God knows that. But I also think that God may not be too pleased with me, I still blame him for things that go wrong. David consistently reminds me that I shouldn't do that. I rarely bring myself to pray because I am so bitter over the circumstances in my own life. I seem to think I am special and that I deserve better and wonder why I am being punished after I have worked so hard to get where I am. Did I not work hard enough? Is it because I am a moody and anxious person? I suppose God made me that way and he doesn't make mistakes , does he?
Has He given up on me? Is it because I wonder how some people are born into extreme wealth and don't have to lift a finger and they aren't good people? How is that fair when I struggle? I guess I feel like I want to give up at times.
God has given me a wonderful family and if you could survive on love I would be in excellent shape. I have the most adorable, sweet kid ever ( don't know how that happened!) A husband that thinks I am the hottest woman ever even when I am big, pregnant and stretchmarked. He always says the right thing. And a family that would do anything for each other. Even when we tend to get on each other's nerves at times!
I guess that I do have wealth of some sort, but I sure wish it would help me pay the bills.

If anyone out there finished this entire entry, I apologize wholeheartedly for my ramblings. But thank you for taking your time. Maybe say a prayer for me. :)