Two of them have come untied and I pulled them out. Tomorrow the remaining ones will come out. David is actually looking forward to removing them actually. My damned wound is looking better but the itching from the skin healing drives me mad. It's all pink and still quite tender and if I have to apply pressure using my right index finger ( ie. spraying a water bottle or squeezing a shampoo bottle) it hurts a bit. David wonders if I came very close to severing a tendon or something.
In any case this week I will be window shopping-literally. I think the window should cost less than $200. Thank goodness it won't set me back too much.
Sean is rolling everywhere and it's quite amazing how far he can move himself just rolling all around. He seems to be constantly moving, arms and legs all over the place. But he's still a porker. He's not excessively fat or anything but he is a big kid. Bigger than Seth ever was so maybe that's why he seems so huge to me. He's already at the length limit for the baby carseat so we are going to have to get a bigger car seat for him soon. We have to get him 9 months size clothes now. Seth always wore the clothes sizes that were close to the age he was at, sometimes even smaller. Seth wear 2T size now but when he first turned 2 he was wearing 18 month size.
We saw Fonda and Jason the other day and they were with Amber, she's 1 but is such a little dainty little thing. Not fragile at all but just cute and little. It seemed like Sean was almost as big as her. I'm sure there is a definite weight and height difference now but I can't imagine it will be too long before he catches up with her. It was neat having the cousins all together. Seth is about 1 1/2 years older than Amber and she is only 7 months older than Sean so thery are all pretty close.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
casa loco
There actually is a Mexican restaurant here in town with that name. Someone at work mentioned it and I thought they were just coming up with nicknames for the nursing home!.:)
My sister joked today that next time we go somewhere together she is going to come over and open the door for me so I won't try to get out through the window again. I thought that was very funny. David liked it too.
As Fonda stated if we don't joke about what happened then it's just depressing. Very true.
I told her that now all three siblings have scars from self inflicted wounds. Now we match. Oh, David has one too where he cut himself on his arm.
Mental illness definitely runs in the family, and David's as well.
My poor sons, I might as well get them started on medication now. Ha ha.
My grandmother is the most mentally stable person I know in the family-besides my brother-in-law, but he's not blood related to me-so maybe there is the possibility that my boys will inherit some stability from her side. Maybe I can just try really, really hard not to screw them up. Maybe they'll have a chance.
My sister joked today that next time we go somewhere together she is going to come over and open the door for me so I won't try to get out through the window again. I thought that was very funny. David liked it too.
As Fonda stated if we don't joke about what happened then it's just depressing. Very true.
I told her that now all three siblings have scars from self inflicted wounds. Now we match. Oh, David has one too where he cut himself on his arm.
Mental illness definitely runs in the family, and David's as well.
My poor sons, I might as well get them started on medication now. Ha ha.
My grandmother is the most mentally stable person I know in the family-besides my brother-in-law, but he's not blood related to me-so maybe there is the possibility that my boys will inherit some stability from her side. Maybe I can just try really, really hard not to screw them up. Maybe they'll have a chance.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Let's lighten the mood, shall we?
The other day I was bathing Seth and I decided to plop little Sean in there as well to wash him up really quick. Well, Seth thought that was pretty neat. He had Sean smiling and squealing. He offered Sean his toy boat and placed Sean's hand on it stating, "Play with me" .
I had to tell him that Sean is too young right now but when he's a little older he will play with him in the bath.
Seth calls him "Brother Sean" ,it's very cute. Seth really loves his brother and I see Sean watching Seth alot as well. I think they will be great brothers.
I had to tell him that Sean is too young right now but when he's a little older he will play with him in the bath.
Seth calls him "Brother Sean" ,it's very cute. Seth really loves his brother and I see Sean watching Seth alot as well. I think they will be great brothers.
The healing process
I read once that the skin on your hand heals faster that other areas of the body because the skin is constantly being renewed. I find this to be true or else I am simply a fast healer. The small lacerations on my hand and arm are healing very nicely.
My sutured area on my arm is showing less signs of healing but I think that is because of two reasons: Obviously it was deeper and larger than the hand lacerations and also I know that all wounds heal from the inside out. So ,therefore, the healing may not be visible to me but I am sure it is occurring. It does hurt quite a bit but not nearly as bad as my right deltoid where I received that Tetanus injection! My R shoulder still hurts like heck and I have difficulty sleeping at night since I want to sleep on my R side so badly but it hurts too much!
Again, I know I deserve all this inconvenience and pain for what I have done.
I continue to experience alot of anxiety by the end of my day but I try to pop some Tylenol or Advil which helps my pain and calms me a little as well.
I have to admit David is a wonderful human being for dealing with all of my nonsense.
I don't feel depressed at all but I really wish the anxiety would go away! It is simply exhausting. I guess I kind of wish the world wouldn't need so much from me. I am tired of being needed constantly. Obviously, my boys need me. But the elderly and sick people at work always need something. The creditors always call needing something. I wish no one needed me for anything for one whole day. I could take care of my own needs, personal and emotional. How lovely it would be.
My sutured area on my arm is showing less signs of healing but I think that is because of two reasons: Obviously it was deeper and larger than the hand lacerations and also I know that all wounds heal from the inside out. So ,therefore, the healing may not be visible to me but I am sure it is occurring. It does hurt quite a bit but not nearly as bad as my right deltoid where I received that Tetanus injection! My R shoulder still hurts like heck and I have difficulty sleeping at night since I want to sleep on my R side so badly but it hurts too much!
Again, I know I deserve all this inconvenience and pain for what I have done.
I continue to experience alot of anxiety by the end of my day but I try to pop some Tylenol or Advil which helps my pain and calms me a little as well.
I have to admit David is a wonderful human being for dealing with all of my nonsense.
I don't feel depressed at all but I really wish the anxiety would go away! It is simply exhausting. I guess I kind of wish the world wouldn't need so much from me. I am tired of being needed constantly. Obviously, my boys need me. But the elderly and sick people at work always need something. The creditors always call needing something. I wish no one needed me for anything for one whole day. I could take care of my own needs, personal and emotional. How lovely it would be.
Monday, July 23, 2007
THE stupidest thing I have ever done.
My mind was racing and my thoughts weren't even making logical sense. I just felt uncontrollable, mind-numbing, blinding rage. I felt dizzy and nauseous. All of the sudden as I am looking out my front window, time seemed to slow down. I watched my fist hit the window and I was genuinely surprised when it shattered. I saw the glass break but didn't really hear it. I saw the blood but did not feel any pain. At least I had enough sense left in me to apply pressure to the gash in my forearm and pick out the little pieces of glass in my knuckle. But I was still more upset that David wasn't home yet than I was upset that I had smashed a window and bled all over the floor. When David arrived home shortly thereafter, I remember yelling at him that I couldn't go to the mall because he was home late.
He thought I was an idiot for what I had done. And I knew he was right.
So instead of going to the mall we packed everyone up and headed to the emergency room. I almost passed out when I got there because suddenly I felt the pain and had truly realized what had happened. My BP was 80/50 and I wasn't sure if I wanted to faint or throw up. The triage nurse instructed me to do some deep breathing to call me down and I recovered. Then I called my grandmother from there to inform her that I wouldn't be going to the mall because I am a moron. She came up to the hospital to wait with me so David could take the boys home. She even gave David a few bucks to get Seth and him some fast food on the way home. I told her to go but she said she would wait with me. Around 8:30PM as I sat in ER room #13 ( figures..) waiting for the Dr. to stitch me up she even went to Wendy's and got me some food. I am not sure I deserve such wonderful family when I do such stupid things. But I thank God for my family.
I was eager to get stitched up and go home so I could move on past this horrible thing that happened but the Dr. took a while. Finally he came in cleaned out my wound ( I never saw my own fat, or adipose tissue, before, it's a bit yellowish and jelly-like. I hope I never see it again). I think he just cleaned it with sterile saline but it burned like heck. Then he numbed the area around it which was a bit uncomfortable but I guess he did well considering I did not feel him stitching me. Only a little pressure from the skin edges being pulled together. I couldn't watch closely ,even though I was curious, because I thought watching the needle going into my skin might be a little much for me to handle. Mamaw watched though. I expected the Dr. to treat me poorly since I had a self-inflicted wound but he was actually pretty nice and friendly.I ended up with seven sutures in my arm and a tetanus shot. I also have several smaller superficial lacerations on my fingers, hand, and forearm.
So all in all my right arm feels like crap. I cannot lift my arm above my shoulder so it was quite difficult to get dressed and undressed. I was able to work just fine, it was taking care of the boys that put alot of stress on my arm and made it more sore. Oddly enough my back hurts ,too. Maybe during my adrenaline rush I strained it somehow. I deserve this pain I feel. I deserve it 100%.
I just keep thinking "Why?". More serious things have occurred in my life to cause me anger but I never punched a wall or a window. Why over such a minor issue? Why did I let it get at me and eat at me?
David's theory is that I have been supressing my anger lately and did not have an outlet such as my blog, or a friend to confide in. So I boiled over.
So now I am blogging so I can get it all out. I called Tammy to discuss it with her and she gave me some advice. Since my mom doesn't care to listen to my issues I sort of consider Tammy to be my adopted mom. We talk about everything and I appreciate her.
Now I am going to take a warm shower and redress my wound.
I will be calm.
He thought I was an idiot for what I had done. And I knew he was right.
So instead of going to the mall we packed everyone up and headed to the emergency room. I almost passed out when I got there because suddenly I felt the pain and had truly realized what had happened. My BP was 80/50 and I wasn't sure if I wanted to faint or throw up. The triage nurse instructed me to do some deep breathing to call me down and I recovered. Then I called my grandmother from there to inform her that I wouldn't be going to the mall because I am a moron. She came up to the hospital to wait with me so David could take the boys home. She even gave David a few bucks to get Seth and him some fast food on the way home. I told her to go but she said she would wait with me. Around 8:30PM as I sat in ER room #13 ( figures..) waiting for the Dr. to stitch me up she even went to Wendy's and got me some food. I am not sure I deserve such wonderful family when I do such stupid things. But I thank God for my family.
I was eager to get stitched up and go home so I could move on past this horrible thing that happened but the Dr. took a while. Finally he came in cleaned out my wound ( I never saw my own fat, or adipose tissue, before, it's a bit yellowish and jelly-like. I hope I never see it again). I think he just cleaned it with sterile saline but it burned like heck. Then he numbed the area around it which was a bit uncomfortable but I guess he did well considering I did not feel him stitching me. Only a little pressure from the skin edges being pulled together. I couldn't watch closely ,even though I was curious, because I thought watching the needle going into my skin might be a little much for me to handle. Mamaw watched though. I expected the Dr. to treat me poorly since I had a self-inflicted wound but he was actually pretty nice and friendly.I ended up with seven sutures in my arm and a tetanus shot. I also have several smaller superficial lacerations on my fingers, hand, and forearm.
So all in all my right arm feels like crap. I cannot lift my arm above my shoulder so it was quite difficult to get dressed and undressed. I was able to work just fine, it was taking care of the boys that put alot of stress on my arm and made it more sore. Oddly enough my back hurts ,too. Maybe during my adrenaline rush I strained it somehow. I deserve this pain I feel. I deserve it 100%.
I just keep thinking "Why?". More serious things have occurred in my life to cause me anger but I never punched a wall or a window. Why over such a minor issue? Why did I let it get at me and eat at me?
David's theory is that I have been supressing my anger lately and did not have an outlet such as my blog, or a friend to confide in. So I boiled over.
So now I am blogging so I can get it all out. I called Tammy to discuss it with her and she gave me some advice. Since my mom doesn't care to listen to my issues I sort of consider Tammy to be my adopted mom. We talk about everything and I appreciate her.
Now I am going to take a warm shower and redress my wound.
I will be calm.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I love being a parent.
As someone who never was a "kid person" for most of my youth I am surprised by how much I really, truly enjoy being a mom. I always wanted kids but I even wondered how well I'd manage. I think I do well. I love, love, love spending time with my little boys and I couldn't imagine life any other way. I actually find myself feeling sorry for people who don't have kids because I feel that they are missing out on alot of joy.
Anyway, I took them to my grandma's yesterday so she could watch them while I went to a Dr. appt. I was so impressed at how good they both were. She just raved about how happy Sean was and how sweet Seth was and how he plays so well all by himself. And, of course, she just loved rocking little Sean. She also claims that Sean resembles my dad when he was a baby. I am not too sure about that but I have seen my dad's toddler pictures and he was about the most adorable little kid you ever saw so if Sean looks like him, that's certainly not a bad thing!
Work has been going well. I actually have alot of good days. Especially when I work with my friend, Marva. She and I laugh alot when we work together. She lives one street over so we carpool to and from work most days so I see her often. She is a hoot. Makes the day go by quicker when you work with people like that.
Anyway, I took them to my grandma's yesterday so she could watch them while I went to a Dr. appt. I was so impressed at how good they both were. She just raved about how happy Sean was and how sweet Seth was and how he plays so well all by himself. And, of course, she just loved rocking little Sean. She also claims that Sean resembles my dad when he was a baby. I am not too sure about that but I have seen my dad's toddler pictures and he was about the most adorable little kid you ever saw so if Sean looks like him, that's certainly not a bad thing!
Work has been going well. I actually have alot of good days. Especially when I work with my friend, Marva. She and I laugh alot when we work together. She lives one street over so we carpool to and from work most days so I see her often. She is a hoot. Makes the day go by quicker when you work with people like that.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
I AM a good parent!
I worked a double shift yesterday so I didn't see my boys all day long. Or the early part of today either. So when I got home Seth ran to me and gave me a big hug, " I love you, mommy!".
So cute. Sean gave me lots and lots of smiles. He absolutely loves it when I sing to him, especially the ABC song for some reason.
I hate double shifts but it's a little necessary right now and probably will be for a while. I do what I have to do to take care of all my guys.
So cute. Sean gave me lots and lots of smiles. He absolutely loves it when I sing to him, especially the ABC song for some reason.
I hate double shifts but it's a little necessary right now and probably will be for a while. I do what I have to do to take care of all my guys.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Each day gets a little better
My grandma called me yesterday to talk. She wants to take me and the boys to eat one day. She said that she includes me in her prayers and thinks of me often. It made me want to cry in happiness when she called since I haven't spoken to too many of my family lately. It makes me feels all kinds of warm inside to know that she still loves me. :)
Sean had his 4 month appointment today. He is 26 inches long (75%) and 16 lbs (80%). He is huge!! I am afraid he is too fat but I guess the Dr. wasn't concerned. He's consistently been in the 75% since birth. He had a few vaccinations and received a vaccination for rotavirus which ,I guess, is quite new since I know Seth never had it. Dr. gave us a script for Nystatin cream for his red bum. Dr. thinks it's fungal in nature. ( I could have told him that!) Dr. also suggested that we put moisturizing cream on him every day for his dry skin and uses Selsun Blue on his dry scalp.
But he is healthy and happy and doing well.
Sean had his 4 month appointment today. He is 26 inches long (75%) and 16 lbs (80%). He is huge!! I am afraid he is too fat but I guess the Dr. wasn't concerned. He's consistently been in the 75% since birth. He had a few vaccinations and received a vaccination for rotavirus which ,I guess, is quite new since I know Seth never had it. Dr. gave us a script for Nystatin cream for his red bum. Dr. thinks it's fungal in nature. ( I could have told him that!) Dr. also suggested that we put moisturizing cream on him every day for his dry skin and uses Selsun Blue on his dry scalp.
But he is healthy and happy and doing well.
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Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Swimming lessons and thunderstorms
David worked today and had to take the car so the boys and I decided to go swimming at the recreation center down the road. Granted I haven't paid my dues in 6 months but I did pay them for 2 1/2 years so I guess I am entitled to use the pool sometimes, right?
Initially Seth was scared , yelling " It's too deep!" but after some time playing on the steps he felt more confident. We played with some toys in the pool and splashed together. I guess it wasn't really "lessons" but he was getting accustomed to being in the pool and we really had fun. I put Sean in the poll as well. I guess he was okay with it. I think he was confused as to what was going on. After a short period of time he was hungry so I gave him a bottle and he fell asleep for the rest of the time we were there at the pool. After about 2 hours I heard thunder so we walked home and everybody got baths and dry clothes so we didn't stink of chlorine.
Then we had a lovely thunderstorm. Sean fell asleep again and Seth layed down in bed for a bit. I did,too.
David got hom,e around 8:30 this evening. He had a side job doing tile for a friend of ours and she gave him $200.00 even though he wasn't done so he could get some groceries and stuff. Apparently he will get $800.00 more when he finishes! But he only charged half price for installation since he will only be able to work in the evenings after today since I work. They even invited all of us over tomorrow evening to watch the fireworks from their house since David would be working but I remember Seth was scared by them last year so I don't think we are going to go.
We actually ordered Chinese as a special treat for ourselves tonight so I am going to enjoy it now. :)
Initially Seth was scared , yelling " It's too deep!" but after some time playing on the steps he felt more confident. We played with some toys in the pool and splashed together. I guess it wasn't really "lessons" but he was getting accustomed to being in the pool and we really had fun. I put Sean in the poll as well. I guess he was okay with it. I think he was confused as to what was going on. After a short period of time he was hungry so I gave him a bottle and he fell asleep for the rest of the time we were there at the pool. After about 2 hours I heard thunder so we walked home and everybody got baths and dry clothes so we didn't stink of chlorine.
Then we had a lovely thunderstorm. Sean fell asleep again and Seth layed down in bed for a bit. I did,too.
David got hom,e around 8:30 this evening. He had a side job doing tile for a friend of ours and she gave him $200.00 even though he wasn't done so he could get some groceries and stuff. Apparently he will get $800.00 more when he finishes! But he only charged half price for installation since he will only be able to work in the evenings after today since I work. They even invited all of us over tomorrow evening to watch the fireworks from their house since David would be working but I remember Seth was scared by them last year so I don't think we are going to go.
We actually ordered Chinese as a special treat for ourselves tonight so I am going to enjoy it now. :)
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