Ugh! The "Crud" has taken over the Dreyer house.

We are all quite sick and miserable. Trust me, it is not at all pleasant to wipe noses as much as I have done in the last two days. And the poor kids' noses are sore and they hate it anyway-but I won't let them run around with snotty noses.
Sean's appetite has been affected, but only very slightly-instead of being hungry all day he's is hungry only most of it. And Seth is hardly eating anything at all. God help him, I don't know how that boy continues to exist. He certainly doesn't act or look like a kid that eats as little as he does. maybe he got tired of fighting Sean for food, ha ha.
The "crud" is what someone at work named this cold. It isn't horrible but it just makes you feel cruddy for a few days. Stuffy nose, sore throat, cough and hoarseness seem to be major symptoms. It's Sean's first cold and he's actually being quite a trooper about it. Seth on the other hand wanted to go to the doctor as soon as he developed a sore throat. He couldn't quite understand that he has to simply wait for it to run it's course. He the started to make up excuses why he needed to go to the doctor, " Mom, my teeth are broken" or even " My arm is broken".
Seth has been whiny and cranky for days now. I was about ready to sell him to gypsies today but decided that I have invested far too much money in him in the last three years to send him off now. Might as well keep him around-he is awfully cute and all. People say that he looks like me.:)
It's always something in this house. I heard a song today that had some lovely advice in it: "Breathe, just breathe"
I will.

Disclaimer: please read before proceeding.

Do you ever people watch at the mall and think to yourself ," What was she thinking?!" when you see the very large woman with the spandex pants on. Or the little old lady with the purple tinted hair. Or the woman that brings her kid to the grocery store in merely a diaper.
Yes, we all judge others, it' simply human nature. Everyone does it. My friend, Marva, always notices people shoes and the condition of their feet. When she's around you'd better hope you don't have any scaly dry skin on your heel and any fungally toe nails when you wear your sandals!
But she would never tell the person to their face that they have ugly feet. Just like you wouldn't ever tell the large woman that her spandex pants look horrible or the purple hair is not cute on an elderly lady. At least I hope not!
Because not any person I have met is without fault or some type of dysfunction in their life so, really, it's not your job ( or mine) to make decisions about other adult people lives. Spandex pants are a very obvious thing but many, many more people have more hidden issues that are not as obvious but, nonetheless, just as judgeable ( is that even a word?).
My life has many faults and I never claimed to be perfect, actually from what I know of many people close to me , I am not all that different from most people. Most people, no matter how "normal" they seem have some family or personal dysfunction in their life.
I do not have secrets. I don't mind sharing my innermost thoughts with anyone who reads this. Maybe it makes someone feel better about their life to know my problems. Maybe it helps someone realize that they are not alone in feeling a little sad or angry at times. Emotions aren't anything to be ashamed of.
I hope my story will have a happy ending in the long run but every life has many uphill struggles in order to get there. I am still enduring my struggle but all things must pass, eventually.
Please, just please, don't insist on telling me all of the problems with my life. I know already. If I didn't ask for any advice, I don't need it.
Thank you and please continue to visit my blog. I appreciate your concern.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

November 29 will be 6 years since George Harrison died so I am posting this song in trubute. One of the most beautiful songs ever.:)
RIP George

Band Camp 2007 Seether

I found this video of a Seether song recorded on Friday night . It was recorded probably on someone's phone, and certainly is not my favorite Seether song, but nevertheless-I was there and I saw them while this person was recording this. Enjoy! Wish you could have been there!

Bandcamp 2007!!!!!!

Friday night David and I were kid free but very, very cold. We attended the second "Bandcamp" concert put on by a local radio station. When a concert comes to this lame ol' town we certainly don't want to miss out so we made sure to be there!
Heather got to our house around 4:30PM or so and off we went- we arrived just before Drowning Pool came on. Eh, I guess they were okay-but I enjoyed Finger Eleven and Seether. Both bands were really great and we had alot of fun watching them play. David especially enjoyed Seether. We saw a little of Breaking Benjamin but weren't too impressed, so we left.
It was freaking cold anyway! By that time my feet were numb and my fingers wanted to fall off. I guess I am not cut out for frigid temperatures!
Then I worked 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday and 8 today so it's merely an understatement to say I am worn out!
Besides, do you realize what a horrible feeling it is not to see your kids for two days?! I left while they were asleep and got home after they went to bed.
I missed them so much, it breaks a mother's heart to miss her kids like I did. It makes me sad to work so much but I have to do it.
David did wonderfully, he kept them alive all by himself and he even made sure the house was realatively clean and laundry was done. :)

Monsters are everywhere!

I presume that would be the title of the song that Seth made up today because he kept singing it over and over. It was actually a cute song. He got out his little guitar and pretended like he was playing it as he sang. And danced.
Then he buit a "creepy house" out of pillows and a comforter in which he claimed a "creepy witch" lived in. Then he got out all of his muppets and claimed that they were all of his friends and they lived in the creepy house with him and the witch.
Seth doesn't lack imagination-that's for sure.
Sean on the other hand- is apparently starving. Or you might think so to see this kid eat. He chows down food like it is going out of style. But he's not fat, just big! If I put three Fruit Loops in front of him he will immediately cram them all in his mouth at once and start banging on his highchair tray for more food.
At the same time Seth is on a hunger strike, it seems. I guess that the money that I save on Seth's food is evened out by the massive amounts of food that my mutant second son consumes.
I think that Sean can crawl about as fast as Seth can run. I wish that I had an ounce of the energy that these kids have.
They look like little angels when they sleep- but I know better.;)

Anxiety and the chiropractor

No, I don't have anxiety about the chiropractor. I simply feel that the chiropractor visits are easing the tension and pain in my neck and shoulders that has been caused by many years of anxiety. I can't imagine what may have contibuted to that...
I had myself adjusted again today and I really feel a difference! My shoulders and neck feel normal for once! Many times over the years different massage therapists have attempted to knead out the mnay knots in my shoulders without success, so it's nice to finally have some results.
The problem is that as soon as my muscles and bones feel good again I get all anxious about something and become tense again. So I have scheduled an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss some new options for dealing with my massive anxiety.
Yep, I am a nut. I have known this for many years but my mind doesn't seem to work the same as "normal" people's do. Out of seemingly nowhere I will develop an anxiety attack-shortness of breath, chest tightness, feeling of dread in my stomach, sometimes lightheadedness if I began to hyperventilate. Fortunately this does not happen often. But lately it seems like it's more frequent.
Could it be because David is out of a job? Maybe because bills are always piling up and creditors call every day? Maybe because I am trying to work many hours and take care of my boys also when I am home?
Maybe..just maybe, all of the above.
I am sure many people around me simply laugh off my odd behaviors since most of the time I try to be very pleasant. I love to make people laugh. I love to laugh, but sometimes I can't quite pull it off.
The Zoloft is very effective but I think the Lexapro would be better at dealing with my anxiety. Zoloft is more for depression, I believe. I also would like some anxiety medication I can take on an "as needed" basis such as Xanax or Ativan or something. I really, really, hate the way it feels when I am so anxious.
Ha ha, the psychiatrist's receptionist has been the same since I first went to him almost 10 years ago so he always remembers me. As I was making my appointment he asked how the baby was. I suppose it's sad when the employees at the psych office know you that well. I guess that it helps that David goes there too to get medicine for his anxiety issues. ( No, they are not caused by me-they have been there for many years)
I how I wish I was normal. I hope my boys are, unfortunately I don't think their chances of being mentally stable throughout their life is looking very optimistic. Darned genetics..

Def Leppard - Hysteria

Today I am reliving my young days as an obsessive rock fan and I thought I would share a slice of those days. This video is circa 1988 and I still think Def Leppard's "Hysteria" is one of the best albums ever made. Seems like so very long ago....

The amazing tale of Jennifer and the chiropractor

My neck has been so sore for three days now. Let me tell you that it is a pain in the butt(or neck, ha ha) to back out of a parking spot with a stiff neck. My body doesn't twist enough to compensate for the loss of movement in my neck, I assure you.
David scheduled an appointment for me to see the chiropractor. He figured that I needed to be adjusted a little.
At the office I was sent to sit in a tiny room with a little stool in one corner, a table with some equipment in the another and in the center was an odd, mechanical table that was turned up on end. Quite an intimidating table I have to admit. The Dr. came in and asked me to stand while he checked my neck and back and then had me step onto ( into?) the table face forward while he lowered the table into a horizontal postion. He then told me a girl was going to come put some therapy on me.
First, she put a four little stickers on my upper back and hooked it to the TENS unit. Kinda looked like she was setting up to do an EKG on my back if you ask me.
Then she turned the thing on creating this odd, slightly annoying tingling sensation all around my shoulders and upper back. I really found it irritating to be honest. I was glad when it was through. She then put all of this conduction gel on my upper back and did an ultrasound which felt very nice. Like a cool massage. Then she got out this industrial strength massager that she ran over my entire body. I really liked that.
The next part was where the Dr. came in and cracked my neck and back. I didn't like that so much. A bit scary and a little painful. He sure talked an awful lot, I was afraid he wouldn't be paying enough attention and paralyze me or something. Or break my neck, even.
Then he massaged my neck a little.
All that must have done the trick because I have to say that I feel so much better. My muscles feel much looser and even though I still have some achiness left it's not nearly as much as it was.
ahhhhh...I love a happy ending!

Oh did I mention I got a new stove? This week hasn't been all bad I suppose. :)

This is the reason why everybody needs a sister.

My next paycheck has three days of overtime pay on it so I felt like I deserved a little something to make myself feel better. I thought maybe I would have some cool highlights done in my hair.
So I called my sister to ask who her hairdresser is and explained why. She proceeded to list all of my redeeming qualities and why I shouldn't have to have my hair done to feel good about myself.
She's very sweet. Sometimes it takes someone outside looking in to see what is right under your nose.
I am sure I could have worded that much better but Sean likes to play this game called " Let's see how loud I can scream". I don't really like this game.

What's wrong with me anymore?

At times I feel like I am not part of the world. It's as if I am merely observing it going on all around me. I simply go through the motions and do what I have to.
I am so, so tired and my stomach feels nervous, like I am awaiting my turn to make a presentation in front of a large group of people. Only it's much of the day. Alot of the time I don't feel very hungry. I simply pick at my food because I know I have to consume something in order to exist.
Today I felt like taking a shower required an excessive amount of effort, I didn't want to go throught he trouble. ( But don't worry, I made myself do it anyway. If only for the comfort of my coworkers and patients)
I don't even have the energy to be mad at David anymore. No sense in beating a dead horse anyway. What's done is done, right? ( What a dumb expression-who would beat a dead horse? eww) I try not to let my irritation fester beacuse it doesn't help anything. I need to forgive and forget. But I can't help but feel so disappointed in him. So very disappointed.
I know only time will heal this and I am being ridiculous to let the whole job situation eat at me but I feel as if he let me down. I got him that job and he got himself fired. Maybe that's why I am taking this so personally.
If he really respected me he would have behaved himself and not gotten fired. That's not fair, I know. He does respect me. I think.
I feel like I want to take some time and just be alone. Just a day, maybe, to collect my thoughts and get it all together. I think I would like some extra sleep as well. That certainly wouldn't hurt.
I apologive for the depressing mood of this blog. It simply reflects my feelings right now. Perhaps when I awaken in the morning I will feel refreshed to an extent. I certainly can hope.