Christmas stinks...

Not the reason for Christmas, of course, but the excessive spending that goes along with it. I love to shop for others, don't get me wrong, but this year money is tight. Very tight..and I am quite annoyed by this fact. Actually for some reason, this month seems worse than others, but there isn't any reason for it. We haven't made any large purchases and our bills are the same as always.
I am so envious when i see other people out shopping for so many nice things and I realize i can't. David and i are still paying on credit cards from last year so we certainly don't want to use them. I am feeling quite pathetic and yes, I am felling sorry for myself as well. I don't like that.
david and I have worked very hard for what we have and I think we are good, decent people but we just can't ever get ahead. Then you have peopl like my sister that dropped out of high school, got a GED, never held a decent job for any significant amount of time, even spent years at a time without a job, for no reason, and she always had anything. Somehow everything ended up going her way. She can stay home with her daughter and spend like mad without even caring about it. Her husband isn't rich either..I don't know how it works.
Then my brother ,who barely graduated from high school, can't hold a job either, dropped out of the Navy because he couldn't handle it but always gets everything he wants. People just keep giving him money and buying his stuff and he doesn't have a motivated bone in his body. Why?
I suppose this is where someone would say, "At least you have say you've accomplished something in your life without being supported by others. " or " At least you can respect yourself and know that others respect you as well" But respect doesn't pay the bills, my friend.
I'm still resentful that my parents decided to divorce the morning of my high school graduation, bleh. I wonder if they knew it would be the only legitimate graduation that any of their kids would have if they would have treated it as such an unimportant occasion. Yes, I probably require some therapy to iron out some of these issues, but that costs money.
I am due to have a baby in a few mere months, and i am starting to panic at the thought of losing my paycheck for 3 months. I can only hope that our tax return will help us out during that time. I simply don't know how we are going to manage, but I know I cannot return to work sooner than 3 months time. I will be far too tired. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to collect my short term disability. I certainly hope so. I'm not scared about having a new baby, especially now that I know I can keep a child alive for over 2 years ( and longer) I have proven to myself that i can do it. I just don't know how the finances will work out. When we planned this baby our finances were a little better sorted out so it wasn't so much of an issue then. I am thinking maybe take out a ridiculous loan or something to pay off our credit cards and maybe our one loan so we would have one payment to make instead of three. I really would like to get rid of those high interest credit cards...Damned credit cards...
i'm feeling better now having gotten this all off of my chest.