Carl

 During this time I was attending my mental health court as required by the court to help me stay clean. And in that class I made lots of great friends. It was nice to have friends that were like me, addicts. I could relate to them and not feel ashamed of what I am and what I've been through. None of us were rich or entitled. We were all the same, struggling one day at a time to stay clean and stay out of jail. One friend I made was Myriah. She was the closest of my friends in the group. Most likely because she didn't have  car and needed rides places, but she gave me gas money and we had a good time so I didn't mind. Sometimes she would introduce me to her friends and sometimes we would go to AA meetings and NA meetings together. One day she asked if would pick up a friend of hers to go to the Saturday Port Charlotte beach AA meeting. He was living at a sober house not too far from my house so I said sure, why not. That's how I met Carl.

So we all go to the meeting. Of course nobody ever pays attention at the beach meeting. Since it's so well attended there is a large crowd of people so you can't hear what is being said, all you hear is wind and waves. Not too shabby. You still get credit for being there. Well, I notice Carl keeps checking me out and he's not being shy about it. He's kinda looking at me, ya I know what he wants. But I'm not sure what the relationship is between him and Myriah, you know? I know Myriah has been looking to get some but I don't know if she has someone in particular in mind. I don't know. But Carl isn't really checking her out. He's looking at my boobs, not hers. Carl looks to be in his twenties, just like I like my men. And he's not bad to look at. All this stuff is going on in my mind during the AA meeting.  I am completely not getting anything from the meeting, though I never do. I'm usually too busy making hook up plans or Snapchatting on my phone under the table.

So Myriah tagged us both in a post on Facebook and he friended me and we started talking. We chatted for a couple days and then we decided to go to an NA meeting together, just him and I. Then we got food and then I brought him home. We sat in the car for little bit talking and then I said ( don't even laugh) " Want me to come in? I know you want to do me." He seemed a little surprised. Or maybe he was trying not to laugh at my lame pick up line.

Anyway we went in the house and I sat on the couch while he cleaned the house or something. I'm ready to have sex and this guy is doing the dishes and cleaning up. But now that I think of it, it was his sober house so maybe it was his assigned duties or something. Anyway. After forever, we finally went to the bedroom.

 We did a lot of stuff Carl and I. All different positions and different ways, we went at it for an hour and a half!  I had a superb time with that guy. It was worth waiting for him to clean the house for real. We were sweaty and sticky and messy. You know that's a sign that you've had excellent sex. It may sound gross, but I speak the truth.

About a year later I see him riding a red crotch rocket through Englewood and he looked pretty nice on it. He was next to me at the stop light and opened the visor so I could see him. I smiled and waved. I pulled into a gas station and he did also to say hello. Just a little small talk, I told him I had moved from Port Charlotte to Englewood and he was in Englewood ,too. So he was gonna message me sometime, cool, cool. So He came over to my house in Englewood one day and we chatted like old friends, it was really nice. Carl is a very cool guy. And we banged for over an hour  like the first time, it was just as great, just as fun. If you're looking for a decent sex session that is high quality and fun, I know a guy..

Aftermath: Hey what do ya know? I received a Facebook message from Carl just last week which was really neat because the stuff that happened in these paragraphs occurred probably three years ago at least. He said he always liked me. I'm flattered I made an impression on him. We just chatted about stuff. I guess he's been in jail for drugs but he's currently on house arrest and getting to the end of his term or whatever.  I think Carl is genuinely a good guy with addiction issues. I hope he can stay clean and make something of his life. I hope we keep in touch. 

Current Events: COVID and Girl Lessons

 What is going on anymore? Joshua has COVID and it's breaking my heart. He's coughing constantly and he's had a fever for days. The poor guy refuses to take anything for it though. At least the fever isn't high. But he has to stay home until November 3rd, after Halloween. I think it's about ten days. Ans David is home also because of his exposure to Josh's COVID. And honestly I should be home, too, but I really need to work so I being very careful not to catch it and I'm crossing my fingers and hoping my vaccination works.

 Jackie is still in school because she is fully vaccinated but Sean is not because he opted not to get the shot and he is pissed off about it. They have both been tested and they are both negative but Sean can't go back to school until the 5th. Apparently Samantha told him some shit conspiracy theory that the COVID vaccination could change your DNA and can make a man sterile or some bull shit so Sean wouldn't take it. She's a fucking twit. I got my COVID booster shot yesterday and I just hope I don't get it. I just can't. I don't want to be sick. Besides I am so fearful of dying from it.  

This entire COVID stuff has be completely stressed out right now. It's all over New Hampshire right now. I'm just going to have to be extra careful, I guess.

I keep trying to think of ways I can help Jackie learn to be a girl. I'm not very good with girl lessons. I never really learned very well myself. I'm trying to learn makeup a bit better. But today she showed me that she shaves half her eyebrows off and I'm trying to understand why. I told her she could tweeze them to be more thin or draw them on. But she likes them half  shaved. I think this weekend we will go try on some clothes and work on sizing. She talked to the Dr. about hormones recently so I should be getting a call regarding that. Oh my, life is very interesting for my dear Jackie. But she's so happy now. I love it and I love her.

Pedro

 One weekend morning I convinced my family that I was going to go to an AA meeting in another town for something a little different. I was actually going to see Pedro. 

He was waiting outside to greet me. I remember that Pedro was a genuinely great guy. I told him of my cover story and that I was going to have to hang for an hour and he was fine with that. 

There was lots of kissing , he was a great kisser, And I guess he was a builder of some type because he had a very nice and fit body. I enjoyed that body very much. Very, very much. As I recall the sex was quite satisfying. I have no complaints about Pedro. Afterward he showed me around the yard and we talked about our lives. He was from Brazil, but he also lived in Germany and then he moved here. Sounds like a fun life to me, moving all around the world, meeting all kinds of people. He was easy to talk with and made me feel very comfortable. 

After the hour was about to come to a close and I had to head home he kissed me goodbye. It was meant to be a brief kiss but it got a little hot and heavy and we had to move it back to the bedroom while I was saying "But I really should goooooo----ok ok real quick!"  Nothing like a sweaty little quickie to say goodbye. We didn't want to stop kissing!!💋 I could have stayed all day. Unfortunately, I never met up with Pedro again.  

Aftermath: He's on David's Snapchat last I knew, some how, and I don't contact him but I've seen his Snap stories and last I saw he was in Canada and he has a super cute girlfriend and they look so happy! I'm so glad for him. Pedro was a sweet guy, I hope he has a good life.

Matt M

 I'd been talking to Matt for weeks trying to set something up. He was just so far. I was in Englewood and he was in USF housing all the fuck in Tampa. And I had no job.  

We finally worked something out. He was going to throw some gas money my way to drive up to see him one afternoon so we set a date. Me and my trusty GPS headed north on the interstate and hoped I didn't get lost or even worse, break down. I just hoped it wasn't far off the interstate because I didn't feel like driving all through Tampa to get to this dorm or whatever. Yes, I was going to meet a college student at his college housing. Thankfully nobody else was going to be there.

I got there finally, didn't even get lost, I was proud of myself. He let me in his apartment and brought me to his room and we laid down on the bed. This guy clearly wasn't messing around, he was getting straight to business. He wanted a BJ. 

God I hated those and I didn't even want to do them on my own husband but I figured that if I was going to be meeting guys regularly I was going to have to suck it up. ha ha. Pun intended. But I promised myself I was NOT going to meet guys to give them BJs. Hell to the no. I'll start it that way. But I demand some sex in return. Unfortunately a couple guys in the two years ended up finishing too quickly from the BJs and never reciprocated. And I let them know I was not pleased and I would not be coming back to them. 

Anyway I got Matt started per his request and then we had some sex. I'm not sure it was anything too impressive. But I remember him requesting " Make sure you don't get anything on my sheets!" and then getting pissed when I did. You didn't exactly offer me a towel bro, are you new to sex? What did you think was going to happen. wtf. And then saying " You can hang for a little bit but I have homework to do." Um ya don't think I'm here to chill with your winning personality Matt? Hmm, He seemed really cool through all those texts but turns out he's just a regular college bro douchebag. And he only gave me $17 of the $20 he said he was going to give me for gas. Fuck you, Matt. Oh ya, I already did. And I won't be making that mistake again. 

Aftermath Matt actually contacted me again through Snapchat five years later. I told him he was kind of a jerk and he apologized using the excuse that he was a stupid college kid. He likes me to send him nudes on occasion now but he has to unadd me every day so his gf doesn't see that he doesn't have me on his Snap so every single day I see  " Matt M added you" on my Snapchat. lol. It's funny that guys remember me after all these years.  

Hunter P.

A different day, a different adventure! After my morning court ordered mental health court meeting I opted not to go with he others to the afternoon AA meeting in Charlotte Harbor. Nah, I had plans. This time I told one of my friends where I was going so at least one person knew where I was in case I suddenly went missing. 

This time I was going to Fort Myers and it was a beautiful day. I remember that. He lived in the downtown area in an apartment so I was supposed to wait on a bench on a certain road near his place and wait for him. He was meeting me on his lunch break. 😊 I was very nervous wondering if he was watching me from the bar across the street or from a window from one of the apartments above me. As each person walked past I waited for someone to make eye contact with me. What if he didn't recognize me? 

But there he was. Tall and thin, very nice looking blonde man coming toward me with his bright orange work vest on. Nobody could make that vest look as good as he did. 

I don't even remember how he greeted me. I think he just said my name. I smiled. He had a little bit of a southern drawl which isn't usually my thing but on him it just made him more perfect. His apartment was nearby so we walked there making easy small talk about my drive. He told me I looked even better than my pictures. Honestly I ended up getting that compliment often. I told him he did , too. His pictures didn't show how blue his eyes were. They were beautiful. 

I think once in the room we just got on the bed and got down to business. No time to waste when you're on your lunchbreak. It took him a little bit to loosen up. He was so nervous with me. It was adorable. But I showed him the way. No need to be nervous with me. Just like riding a bike. Just get started and go to it. I'm just like every other girl. Just older than he's used to. Those young guys always wanted to impress me since I was an older woman and I like to think I put them at ease. I just want to have a nice time. Nothing fancy. He was good. Certainly not too shabby for a 21 year old guy. I had a lovely time with a great guy. 

Aftermath:  We tried to get together another time after that but he had to cancel last minute. But we stayed in contact on Snapchat and I sent him pictures for the longest time. He's in the military now, who knows where he is. But I'll always remember those blue eyes. 

1-7-22 - I got a message from Hunter a month ago and we chatted a little bit. He's overseas in the Middle East somewhere. I sent him some pics and he seemed to be very thankful. But then he disappeared from my Snapchat again.  🤔 I don't know if David unadded him or what. David is always fucking with my Snapchat.

Let's take a moment to interrupt this flow...

 I was reading some of my old blogs from years ago and I was so stressed out about money all the time. And about having two wee little boys also. And having a crazy drunken family. Well, life is easier now that Sean is a teen. Even though he's an angry teen. And Seth, well, Seth is Jackie now, my daughter. I never thought I would have daughter but here I am. Her hair is long and curly and wavy and she asks me to help her with her eye makeup. I really have to help her learn some girl stuff, like underarm shaving and leg shaving and lip gloss. And we still need to buy some girl clothes for her. Just when I need a mall there isn't one. THERE ISN"T A MALL ANYWHERE! How am I supposed to help my daughter try on clothes? She doesn't know what fits and what doesn't.

 It's also different having a member of my family as a member of the LGBTQ community because sometimes people don't generally know it and say some stupid shit until I correct them and tell them my daughter is trans. But I just educate them a bit and sometimes that's all it takes. People are more accepting here than in Florida. There were a lot of very conservative folks in the south that didn't like people different than them. The high school has a very progressive transgender student policy and I am very happy about that. Jackie is officially Jackie on all the school records now. And she is happy. Very happy. I love her.

Joshua is my BFF. We hang together often. He's my sunshine and I just love him. He's in 3rd. grade now but we like to take walks together and go have adventures together. 

I passed my FBI background check for my New Hampshire nursing license and that is proof that I have been redeemed from all the shit that I have done. The arrest, the drugs, The mental health court. I paid my fines. All the shame. The loss of friends that I worked with. The loss of my identity. I never thought I'd ever be a nurse again. I thought that my career was off the table for good. If anyone knew my story there is no way they would want me working at their facility. I was led out of my place of employment in handcuffs in front of all my patients. I spent a year in a deep depression. I never thought I'd find my way back. 

 But I passed it. And it makes me think of this line from The Shawshank Redemption....  

"Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."

Because that's what I did. I crawled through a river of shit, evictions, homelessness, repossessions,  living in hotels, marijuana, oxycodone, cocaine, so much cocaine, promiscuity, poverty, drunkenness, I destroyed relationships with my family. David hurt relationships with his family, My dad kicked us out of his house, I got fired from so many jobs, David got arrested for strangling me after he found me fucking a 25 year old man at our house while he was at work, we had an open relationship that lasted over a year and  David's mom died. All in about three years. Then when I snorted all our money we moved to New Hampshire because we had burned all of our other bridges and we needed somewhere to stay because we were broke and homeless. 

On a whim I applied for a nursing job at the urging of David's dad I applied at the Morrison. I was hired immediately. After I got my Multistate license in order I was good to go. I was still using the fingerprints from Florida from before my arrest so I figured I was ok for awhile. The Morrison gave me 25.00 an hr. so I figured I hit the jackpot! I'm able to pay the bills with plenty leftover for whatever. We don't have to count change or even have to check the bank balance before going to the grocery store! I can buy clothes or shoes for the kids whenever. I'm finally living well and comfortably.

 Eventually I had to change my license over from a Florida to a New Hampshire license which required me to redo my fingerprints. I've had anxiety regarding my fingerprints for five fucking years. But no escaping it now. But after three months of waiting it went through. I passed. I'm clean as a whistle. So to all of my family or whomever that was ashamed of me or thought  I was going to be a loser forever, guess what. Nope.  I'm not wealthy but I have everything I need and more. So I'm doing just fine in these mountains. 

                                                                                                                                                                 

The First One

 So I set up the hookup. I was nervous as hell but I promised myself I wasn't going to back out. After my mental health court meeting I headed out. I didn't tell anyone what I was going to do. I was going to drive to Lakeland and meet him at this hotel he was staying for his work. In my future meetups I started telling my mental health court friends in case something happened to me. I was between jobs at this time so he said he'd give me twenty bucks for gas since I was driving to him. 

So the adrenalin was flowing but I wasn't as scared as I should have been. It didn't even enter my head that he might kill me or anything. I mean I was going to have sex with a guy I never met before so what could happen, right? So I got to the hotel. Now I was getting really nervous. I was thinking, should I leave? What if he didn't look like his picture? I drove past some of the rooms looking for the number I needed thinking he was probably watching me. I was feeling dumb for some reason. He was going to see me before I saw him. I found the room number. No body was there but a guy was sitting outside of the room next to it. Maybe he knew him. I went to knock on the door. The guy sitting outside the other room, says "Hey!" I turn around. He says the room was over there, he just wanted to see me first. Hmmm. 

We walk inside and I'm trying to make the most awkward small talk about the drive up from Port Charlotte. I also realize I'm taller than him by a couple inches but he definitely looked as good as his pictures showed. He grabbed me by both sides of my waist and looked me up and down and said , "Well, look at you!" I didn't know how to respond so I said, "Are you drunk?" He lets go and says, "No!" I apologize and mumble about I haven't done this before, blah blah. I'm not sure of the exact details but somehow I ended up at the foot of the bed with him and he picked me up with my legs around him and he threw me on the bed. I started laughing. He crawled to me and he must have started kissing me. The details at this point become foggy. But sex happened. In all kinds of ways. And I remember thinking that, "Holy shit, I'm cheating on my husband." But this thought didn't make me feel guilty nor did it make me want to stop. Because I wasn't in love with this guy. 

I remember hoping that it wasn't going to leave marks when he slapped my ass. But I enjoyed it so much. He talked so dirty to me and it was perfect. Sexy but not degrading. I did things with him that I had no idea that my body wanted to do. And I felt so free because I wasn't going to see him again so I didn't have to feel self conscious or embarrassed of the way I looked naked. He said I looked great.  And I guess if I look great naked to a 25 year old guy that's quite the compliment. I think we went at it for an hour. God, until we were sore and sweaty and sticky. 

Then we laid there talking about shit. I talked about quitting drugs and the hypersexuality that I seemed to have developed afterward. He talked a little about himself. He was super cool. God, the sex was so good. Then I got my gas money and off I went smiling all the way home. 

Aftermath: David found out about Chaz eventually and I got in huge trouble. I don't know if David found out right after Chaz or after I had hooked up with a few more. But I experienced so many fights because of my hookups as to be expected. David deleted all Chaz's info. Even so, Chaz found me other ways and tried to hook up with me again in the following year but David cockblocked that unfortunately. I'm still in contact with Chaz but I only send him pictures now but we still talk about that day. I guess it was memorable for both of us. 

                                 This was taken late 2016 around the time this event happened.

Tinder

While I was at the resort I had heard that one of the guys that worked there had been asking whether I was single. And here's the kicker, he was 29! He thought I was much younger than my actual age of 39. 

Well, I was thoroughly flattered since I had no clue any man might find me attractive other than my husband. 

I had been going through so much in my life between work and kids and drugs and the arrest and all the stress after it that I guess I hadn't really looked in a mirror and noticed myself in a long while. 

Over the years guys had hit on me here and there and I didn't pay much attention but it had been a very long time since anyone had noticed me. David had always complimented me but I always felt like that was not as genuine since he is my husband, Sort of when your mom tells you you're smart, it's just something they say because they love you. Not because it's necessarily true. 

Suddenly I realized I'm not all bad to look at. I was at a good weight, nice and thin, above average breasts and a nice butt and long curly red hair and I like to think my face looks ok. I looked at my younger pictures and I looked alright but I glowed up somewhere along the way. I was thinking if only I looked this way and felt this confident way back in my younger years I would have made some different choices. 

But did I take this newfound confidence home? No.

 I had been feeling almost asexual for a long time. Nothing excited me much. I felt so blah in the sex department for many years. But Garrett made me feel feelings that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I guess I wasn't asexual. I just was turned on by younger men!

But I needed to get Garrett off my mind and the best solution I thought of was to find a different 25 year old to have sex with. I'd heard about Tinder so I thought I'd try it out. 

I downloaded the app and set up my account and set it for ages 20-30. I honestly didn't think I would get very many matches because I was much older. I was thinking that no young guy wants a 38 year old woman. I never lied about anything. My age, my marital status, nothing. 

Much to my surprise I got tons of matches! Tinder was easy! I started talking to guys right away. Little bit of small talk and I told them what I wanted. Apparently lots of younger guys like older girls. I later learned that it's like a bucket list thing for guys to have an older woman, and a married one is even better. The hard part was finding a place to meet up since my house was not available. I didn't know I could be picky at first so I had my mileage set for pretty far away. For the first few times I had to drive pretty far. Then I started staying closer to home. 

Anyway. I got to be quite the Tinder expert over time but lets go back to the first one. Chaz

I took this picture at the resort in the mirrored top of a canopy bed. I made the mistake of posting it on Facebook and a coworker ratted me out to the boss and I got in a lot of trouble.

Sweet, Sweet Garrett

 Sometimes you find the right people at the very perfect moment. That would be Garrett. Here's a little story.

Once upon a time I was arrested for stealing Oxycodone. I had quite the addiction at the time and I was on a speeding train with no way to pull the brake. Until I got caught. It was almost ( almost) a relief because my drug problem was out in the open. I spent the end half of 2015 out of work trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life since I had no skills other than working as a nurse. I stayed home with little baby Joshua. My attorney dragged out the case for awhile trying to get me lesser charges without success. 2016 found us kicked out of our house and in a nice little place in Rotonda near David's work at Palm Island Resort. I was severely depressed and had little motivation. David needed me to work though. He got me a job at Palm Island Resort doing housekeeping. I figured it would be easy. 

At this same time I was beginning my Mental Health Court program that I had been assigned through the court. Since I was a first offender I was to do the year long outpatient rehab program for drug addiction. And since it was decided that I was self medicating my mental health issue I was placed in Mental Health Court. I had to quit opiates and try to function at the same time. I hadn't been drug free in years, how was I going to manage? 

So I started working at the resort, I was a mediocre housekeeper. Mostly because I was freshly clean from drugs and my brain wasn't able to focus. My mind was always racing and I just couldn't get it together. I screwed up and missed things often. But it was beautiful out there and I got to drive around a fancy resort with my own golf cart from unit to unit. I met some great people.

Garrett was one of the guys that did the stocking for housekeeping at the resort. He also would bring the bags full of the supplies to the units for the housekeepers.  He was nice enough but I'll be honest I was initially struck by his appearance. I found him very nice to look at. I looked forward to him dropping off my supplies for my units because it was nice to see him and it was a break from the loneliness of the cleaning work. Garrett always stopped to talk for awhile and I must have mentioned what I was going through at the time and it turns out he wasn't a stranger to some of my similar issues. 

Sometimes if he was still working after I was off work I would sit in the housekeeping trailer and talk to him while he worked. I was so lost in those days freshly free from drugs that I needed to talk to someone who knew what I was feeling. Garrett had a history of being a blackout drunk and had gotten himself in quite bit of trouble while he was in college and was brought down to Florida by his family. Somewhere along the way he had been in rehab for the drinking. He also had been diagnosed with mental illness and had taken a few different medications at some point. We talked a lot about rehab and AA meetings. We talked about therapy and mental illnesses. But, honestly, Garrett listened to me do a lot of talking. He was the best listener. At a point in my life when I had so much to say and I was feeling so much, I just needed to talk to someone who knew what I was talking about. And Garrett was in the right place and the perfect time. And I don't know if he minded or not. But he never let on that it bothered him. And for Garrett, I am forever grateful because he was placed in my life when I needed him.

Perhaps I was overly grateful because I loved that boy. I truly did. I would have done anything for him. David knew it first. I'm not sure how he figured it out. But I was. I was 39 years old and I fell in love with a 25 year old man. 

Before him I never really thought about cheating on my husband but I was willing to risk it with Garrett. I wanted to seduce him in one of the resort units, just once. But, of course, I never would. Because Garrett was a good person. Sweet, sweet Garrett will always be too good in my eyes for anything like that. He deserved far better than the likes of me. 

After I was fired from the resort I wrote him a long letter telling him how I felt. David read it and he actually gave it to Garrett. I figured I would never see him again so what would it matter anyway?

And it's true. I never saw Garrett again after I left Palm Island. He's on my Facebook though so I like knowing that he's there if I need him. 😊

                                                

This song was popular at the time and the lyrics spoke to me a lot. I still think of him every time I listen to this song. Some part of me will always consider him my sweet love.

"Trouble on my left, trouble on my right
I've been facing trouble almost all my life
My sweet love, won't you pull me through?
Everywhere I look, I catch a glimpse of you"

"Grow Up", He said.

 Then he took my Snapchat away. It was my only remaining connection to the Tinder guys of my past. There were so many, but most were brief conversations that didn't go anywhere. Some I just lost contact with over time, but about thirty- forty more were regularly in contact with me whether it was occasional "hello"s or pictures. Or asking for pictures from me. Yes I was sending them nudes on the regular, nothing crazy, just some boobs and ass shots and they were happy and I got dick pics in return. 

David said I was cheating but I don't think so. Some of those men I had hooked up with years ago but they are all far away in Florida now. There's no way they could get their hands on me now. Not that they wouldn't want to. I've had offers of plane tickets and hotel rooms. Some have offered to fly here and meet me. I don't think I'm that special but a young men lose their minds when it comes to sex.  David said we could never go back to Florida because all of those guys are there and he's correct. Those boys would cheat on their girlfriends to say they had an older woman. When I was in Florida I had many men cheat on their girlfriends with me, a few cheated on their wives. It's none of my business. I'm a married woman. 

I enjoy the attention from those men from years ago. I love to send them pictures and have them tell me how turned on I made them. I love when they screenshot my pictures so they can save them for later that night. One guy has a phone full of pictures of me. He never forgets to tell me I'm beautiful. Am i sucker for compliments? Of course. Do they even know what my face looks like? Doubtful. They just know I'm and older woman with a lovely above average set of boobs. They probably notice my red hair, that's about it.

They don't love me. They don't care about me. I'm not stupid. But I've gotten to age 44 with hardly any sagging in the boob department. Which is remarkable, I think, because 1. they are real and 2. they are size DD so you would think gravity would take it's toll. My mother had very large breasts and I remember them being very pendulous and saggy when she was young ( I remember her showering with us when we were really young). So it isn't hereditary. And I've been pregnant three times and milk producing boobs can become saggy. Maybe I wore good supportive bras?

In any case, I like to show them off. And guys like them. Oh? Show them to my husband you say? He's already seen them for years. And that's no fun. I've been through a lot. I'm not fucking anymore men. I'm being a good girl now. So can I just have my Snapchat so I can chat and send my boobs to thirsty 25 year olds? Can I not just have access to my own social media account?