Monday, October 16, 2006

I don't wanna know how much I weigh!

I put on some new jeans this morning and turned around to see how they looked in the mirror. WOW! My butt is huge! I want to know but at the same time I am scared to know how much I weigh. Last time I checked I weighed about 132 or so. It doesn't sound like alot..considering I am 5 months pregnant ,but it seems to look horrible on me! Maybe it's my warped body image? I've been under weight all of my life( just by 5-10 lbs, not alot) so being proper weight is difficult for me to accept? Many people might feel like I am an idiot because there are plenty of people out there with legitimate weight issues and here I am worrying about pregnancy weight.
But honestly I finding gaining weight very difficult to accept! I am so afraid of being " fat" that I can't stand to gain a pound.
I can't stand to have any extra flab or jiggle anywhere. After Seth I had a difficult time dealing with the extra belly skin after pregnancy. It's not like my body was ever perfect. David has always loved my body, noone in my life has evr made fun of it..exept for being to thin in elementary school ( that was way before I had body image issues..that was simply genetics and high metabolism)

I still look in the mirror, pregnant or not, and all I see is a fat girl. :(

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