I am doubtful I will be awake to ring in the new year. I have to work early in the morning. I don't feel much like a party anyway. I am so worried about this next baby. How are we going to manage? How am I going to handle two kids? Will my mom be able to watch the both of them when i go back to work or am I going to have to try to arrange child care which will be twice as expensive? If we can hardly pay our bills on time now how will we manage when I am out of work for three months? I'm wondering if this wasn't the best idea, I'm so scared.
When we planned this David was making more money but David's boss cut his pay and now things are more difficult. I just want to cry all the time because I have no idea how we will survive. I wanted two kids but don't know how it's all going to work. I just don't know what we are going to do.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
drunken people ..
are idiots. When you are pregnant and need help with something people feel bad for you and ,usually, are very willing to give you a hand. Well, when you are simply a drunken idiot no one is going to help you..especially your pregnant wife.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Christmas and all that jazz..
It was an unseasonably warm and humid day. I must admit I was feeling quite miserable and blah on Christmas, who wouldn't when it's stormy and hot outside. Gross. Christmas in Florida is horrible, even more so when you are pregnant and the temperature feels extremely warm inside and outside and it feels soo good to wander into a walk in freezer. Actually it's been years since I wandered into a walk in freezer but these days I just wish I had one I could hang out in sometimes. One day I hope and pray I will get enough nerve to move away from this horrible state and live somewhere with real seasons. Yes, my friend, Florida is a joke. Why do I live here you ask? I was born here and all of my family lives in this town so it's a bit difficult to break away. I'm not like all the other looneys here that chose to move here. ( David being one of them , but family issues were involved)
Anyway we first ended up my grandma's house where David, Seth and I ate breakfast and opened lots of gifts. My Dad, sis, bro-in-law, brother, neice, and of course, Heather ( Sean's g-friend) were all there. David and I were rather tired so we weren't too festive. We had a nice time I suppose. Oh, my mom was there as well. All in all it was a bit boring.
Afterwards we went to David's mom's house where we had a boring time as well and then i took David home and visited at mom's for a bit.
Maybe it's because of my pregnancy and my general winter blahs that I have been experiencing that created such a dull Christmas. I was actually glad when it was all over with.
David got me a Scooba though and I was very pleased with this. It is a robotic floor cleaning device and I couldn't have gotten it at a better time. I simply cannot get down and scrub the floors these days and it does excellent work. Seth got alot of toys and books, of course.
December 27 was my 30 week OB appt. Of course, everything was normal. I had only gained 1 lb since my last appt. two weeks ago and for that I was thrilled!! I'm glad I am not gaining as rapidly as I was before. Baby is kicking and stretching all the time. Sometimes it can get quite painful when those little body parts are stretching into my ribs. Lately my appetite has dropped to almost nothing! I eat simply because I have to more than for hunger, I have to sleep with two pillows because my heartburn and stomach bothers me when I lie down. I am also very slow and my endurance continues to be very poor. My feet hurt alot and my back still aches.
I think I am beginning some depression though and I am going to start my Zoloft at the new year.
I've been feeling very irritable and sad. I've been feeling very sorry for myself and I need to calm down and cheer up! I hate feeling so down. I really wish i didn't feel like I have an on going battle with mental illness. How I wish I could be normal. Damned genetics!!! Why is it that anxiety and depression are so prevalent in my blood line. Is poor Seth doomed to a life of antidepressants?? I guess only the future will show. I just hope he has an easier time than I have had.
Anyway we first ended up my grandma's house where David, Seth and I ate breakfast and opened lots of gifts. My Dad, sis, bro-in-law, brother, neice, and of course, Heather ( Sean's g-friend) were all there. David and I were rather tired so we weren't too festive. We had a nice time I suppose. Oh, my mom was there as well. All in all it was a bit boring.
Afterwards we went to David's mom's house where we had a boring time as well and then i took David home and visited at mom's for a bit.
Maybe it's because of my pregnancy and my general winter blahs that I have been experiencing that created such a dull Christmas. I was actually glad when it was all over with.
David got me a Scooba though and I was very pleased with this. It is a robotic floor cleaning device and I couldn't have gotten it at a better time. I simply cannot get down and scrub the floors these days and it does excellent work. Seth got alot of toys and books, of course.
December 27 was my 30 week OB appt. Of course, everything was normal. I had only gained 1 lb since my last appt. two weeks ago and for that I was thrilled!! I'm glad I am not gaining as rapidly as I was before. Baby is kicking and stretching all the time. Sometimes it can get quite painful when those little body parts are stretching into my ribs. Lately my appetite has dropped to almost nothing! I eat simply because I have to more than for hunger, I have to sleep with two pillows because my heartburn and stomach bothers me when I lie down. I am also very slow and my endurance continues to be very poor. My feet hurt alot and my back still aches.
I think I am beginning some depression though and I am going to start my Zoloft at the new year.
I've been feeling very irritable and sad. I've been feeling very sorry for myself and I need to calm down and cheer up! I hate feeling so down. I really wish i didn't feel like I have an on going battle with mental illness. How I wish I could be normal. Damned genetics!!! Why is it that anxiety and depression are so prevalent in my blood line. Is poor Seth doomed to a life of antidepressants?? I guess only the future will show. I just hope he has an easier time than I have had.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Bah..Humbug!
I'm miserable and I am completely aware that it is all my fault. I am so extremely broke. I can't afford Christmas stuff, heck I can't afford to pay my damn bills. How am I going to afford to be out of work for three months? How am i going to afford two kids? Why was a such a slacker in high school? Why couldn't I have a wealthy family that could send me to college? I couldn't afford it and now I am stuck being pathetically poor forever. Why did i think that we could have another child? Why didn't I realize how difficult this will make my life? How am i going to afford child care for two kids? Why am I such an idiot?
Saturday, December 16, 2006
My most recent appointement..
It was this past Wednesday. Everything was normal, like usual. Heart rate was good. My weight is 147 lbs. meaning I have gained a grand total of 30 lbs!!! That was a little scary, but David says it's all beauty. What a fruitcake. I love him though.
My glucose test and hemoglobin results were normal, as I expected. I am feeling quite large and slow and by the end of the day I usually have a back ache. My feet begin to hurt if I am on them too long and I am started to get occasional kicks in the ribs which are very unpleasant. I also am still battling constipation problems so I think I may up my Fibercon to twice a day. I am drinking plenty of water so that isn't the issue!
It is becoming more and more difficulty to pick seth up and carrying him is almost impossible. I can't tell if he is heavier or I am just weaker. David suspects it's a little of both. :) David tries to help out alot, anything that I ask of him he does. He is good to me, but I wish i could do more without having to rely on others. I don't like having limitations. At least it will be over before I know it. I remember how great of a feeling it was the day after i gave birth to Seth that i felt so light on my feet i wanted to float in the air! there's nothing like losing 15lbs. or so in a day. i was still a bit overweight after as well but I sure did feel good! Body and crotch pain and all.. Yeah, I wasn't fun having to sit on a pillow for a few days since my vagina felt like..well.. like i had given birth. It hadn't experienced that trauma before. Oh, my poor vagina, i promise that i will only do this to you once more. :)
My glucose test and hemoglobin results were normal, as I expected. I am feeling quite large and slow and by the end of the day I usually have a back ache. My feet begin to hurt if I am on them too long and I am started to get occasional kicks in the ribs which are very unpleasant. I also am still battling constipation problems so I think I may up my Fibercon to twice a day. I am drinking plenty of water so that isn't the issue!
It is becoming more and more difficulty to pick seth up and carrying him is almost impossible. I can't tell if he is heavier or I am just weaker. David suspects it's a little of both. :) David tries to help out alot, anything that I ask of him he does. He is good to me, but I wish i could do more without having to rely on others. I don't like having limitations. At least it will be over before I know it. I remember how great of a feeling it was the day after i gave birth to Seth that i felt so light on my feet i wanted to float in the air! there's nothing like losing 15lbs. or so in a day. i was still a bit overweight after as well but I sure did feel good! Body and crotch pain and all.. Yeah, I wasn't fun having to sit on a pillow for a few days since my vagina felt like..well.. like i had given birth. It hadn't experienced that trauma before. Oh, my poor vagina, i promise that i will only do this to you once more. :)
Christmas stinks...
Not the reason for Christmas, of course, but the excessive spending that goes along with it. I love to shop for others, don't get me wrong, but this year money is tight. Very tight..and I am quite annoyed by this fact. Actually for some reason, this month seems worse than others, but there isn't any reason for it. We haven't made any large purchases and our bills are the same as always.
I am so envious when i see other people out shopping for so many nice things and I realize i can't. David and i are still paying on credit cards from last year so we certainly don't want to use them. I am feeling quite pathetic and yes, I am felling sorry for myself as well. I don't like that.
david and I have worked very hard for what we have and I think we are good, decent people but we just can't ever get ahead. Then you have peopl like my sister that dropped out of high school, got a GED, never held a decent job for any significant amount of time, even spent years at a time without a job, for no reason, and she always had anything. Somehow everything ended up going her way. She can stay home with her daughter and spend like mad without even caring about it. Her husband isn't rich either..I don't know how it works.
Then my brother ,who barely graduated from high school, can't hold a job either, dropped out of the Navy because he couldn't handle it but always gets everything he wants. People just keep giving him money and buying his stuff and he doesn't have a motivated bone in his body. Why?
I suppose this is where someone would say, "At least you have say you've accomplished something in your life without being supported by others. " or " At least you can respect yourself and know that others respect you as well" But respect doesn't pay the bills, my friend.
I'm still resentful that my parents decided to divorce the morning of my high school graduation, bleh. I wonder if they knew it would be the only legitimate graduation that any of their kids would have if they would have treated it as such an unimportant occasion. Yes, I probably require some therapy to iron out some of these issues, but that costs money.
I am due to have a baby in a few mere months, and i am starting to panic at the thought of losing my paycheck for 3 months. I can only hope that our tax return will help us out during that time. I simply don't know how we are going to manage, but I know I cannot return to work sooner than 3 months time. I will be far too tired. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to collect my short term disability. I certainly hope so. I'm not scared about having a new baby, especially now that I know I can keep a child alive for over 2 years ( and longer) I have proven to myself that i can do it. I just don't know how the finances will work out. When we planned this baby our finances were a little better sorted out so it wasn't so much of an issue then. I am thinking maybe take out a ridiculous loan or something to pay off our credit cards and maybe our one loan so we would have one payment to make instead of three. I really would like to get rid of those high interest credit cards...Damned credit cards...
i'm feeling better now having gotten this all off of my chest.
I am so envious when i see other people out shopping for so many nice things and I realize i can't. David and i are still paying on credit cards from last year so we certainly don't want to use them. I am feeling quite pathetic and yes, I am felling sorry for myself as well. I don't like that.
david and I have worked very hard for what we have and I think we are good, decent people but we just can't ever get ahead. Then you have peopl like my sister that dropped out of high school, got a GED, never held a decent job for any significant amount of time, even spent years at a time without a job, for no reason, and she always had anything. Somehow everything ended up going her way. She can stay home with her daughter and spend like mad without even caring about it. Her husband isn't rich either..I don't know how it works.
Then my brother ,who barely graduated from high school, can't hold a job either, dropped out of the Navy because he couldn't handle it but always gets everything he wants. People just keep giving him money and buying his stuff and he doesn't have a motivated bone in his body. Why?
I suppose this is where someone would say, "At least you have say you've accomplished something in your life without being supported by others. " or " At least you can respect yourself and know that others respect you as well" But respect doesn't pay the bills, my friend.
I'm still resentful that my parents decided to divorce the morning of my high school graduation, bleh. I wonder if they knew it would be the only legitimate graduation that any of their kids would have if they would have treated it as such an unimportant occasion. Yes, I probably require some therapy to iron out some of these issues, but that costs money.
I am due to have a baby in a few mere months, and i am starting to panic at the thought of losing my paycheck for 3 months. I can only hope that our tax return will help us out during that time. I simply don't know how we are going to manage, but I know I cannot return to work sooner than 3 months time. I will be far too tired. Maybe, just maybe I will be able to collect my short term disability. I certainly hope so. I'm not scared about having a new baby, especially now that I know I can keep a child alive for over 2 years ( and longer) I have proven to myself that i can do it. I just don't know how the finances will work out. When we planned this baby our finances were a little better sorted out so it wasn't so much of an issue then. I am thinking maybe take out a ridiculous loan or something to pay off our credit cards and maybe our one loan so we would have one payment to make instead of three. I really would like to get rid of those high interest credit cards...Damned credit cards...
i'm feeling better now having gotten this all off of my chest.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
What a busy, Christmas-y day!
The Christmas parade in Punta Gorda was at noon. It lasted a couple hours and the weather was mildly warm with a bit of a breeze. Seth enjoyed all of the floats and had to say "hi!" to everyone!!! Apparently I received quite a sunburn on my shoulders ahd didn't even realize it. Oh, well! Then this eveniing we went ot see the lighted boat parade, we stopped at the beginning point and saw a few but we wanted to see them all! so went to Punta Gorda again so we could wait for the boats to come by but it got too late and we left without seeing them.
We saw a few people we knew though and it was nice to get out. We are all exhausted and ready to sleep, hence the boring nature of this specific blog entry. :)
I am going to sleep well tonight!
We saw a few people we knew though and it was nice to get out. We are all exhausted and ready to sleep, hence the boring nature of this specific blog entry. :)
I am going to sleep well tonight!
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