Husband rant

David doesn't work on Monday. He thought it wouldn't be wise for us to go to the appt. in Sarasota together in case there is bad news. The both of us are a little stressed out and it probably wouldn't be good.
I suggested that he watch Seth for part of the time so my mom wouldn't have to be here so long and he wasn't happy about that.
"I'm in agony and I thought I would be able to take a day off!" WTF? a day off? Hello? I'm very achy and tired,d o I ask for a "day off" I think I deserve one as well if he does.
many days he was off work in the week and I still had my mom come watch Seth so he could do stuff around the house. He gets upset when I question him about sitting around playing video games. I've let him have it way too easy for too long. He goes to band practice twice a week and stops at the pub a couple times a week after work. Since when do I go out anywhere after work to " relax"?
When do I get any time to "relax" Especially when many times he's out all day and doesn't get home until 1 hour before Seth goes to bed then he whines about wanting some nookie? Well, I had a busy day and once Seth is in bed I want some alone time. What has he done for ME lately????

End of rant.Thank you very much.

I have scheduled my appointment!

For Monday october 30 at 2:30. It's going to be an hour and a half, ick. My sister is going to try to find a sitter for Amber so she can go along with me. David will be working and my mom will be watching Seth. I hope she can go, I don't want to be alone. Especially if i get bad news.
Today's weather was lovely! High in the mid-70s! Seth and I went to get the stroller and then we went to the playground and the grocery store THEN we went to the mall with Fonda and Amber so we have been very busy. But it was fun. :)

Prenatal Hydronephrosis

From the research I have done and the very limited information I received from the Dr. office I think this may be the issue. Apparently it's the most common problem found on prenatal scans with about 42,000 each year. Half of those turn out to be nothing but the other half has a variety of diagnoses, most likely an obstruction or a kink in the collecting tube in the kidney( I really wish the Dr. office would have given me proper names for things! I may not know much but I am quite familiar with anatomy and physiology of the human body)
Since my baby's tube is even so slightly enlarged I am guessing that maybe it isn't completely obstructed? I hope it's nothing.
The perinatologist office hasn't called yet to set up and appt. I really wish they'd hurry up because I am stressed out! Anytime I talk to anyone about this kidney thing I start to cry. Even if i start to think too hard about it I cry. I wanna get past this so I can be normal again!!!!
Logically, I tell myself that it's probably nothing and it's extremely minor AND I am going to a very capable Dr. who will be able to give me advise. But the mom in me just worries and feels so sad because there's is something inperfect about my baby. David even said "How are we going to financially manage caring for a child with special medical needs?"
Hopefully we won't have to.

Fortunately my sister went to the same perinatologist during her pregnancy ( because her quad screen showed high probability for Down's syndrome) and she says he is excellent and the staff was knowledgable, besides it's in a very neat facility in Sarasota. At least she''ll be able to tell me where to go.

20 weeks 4 days appt. update.

Heart rate is excellent at around 160 and i measure properly. My BP is 100/60 and my weight is a whopping 134lbs. ( Whopping for me ,at least) I have gained 17 pounds!!! Yikes!
My U/S showed that one of the tubes in one of the kidneys is a little enlarged so i am being sent to a Dr. in Sarasota for a Level II U/S to get a better look. Apparently much of the time it turns out to be nothing. I didn't feel so upset at the time but now..I can't get it out of my head! I feel so weepy and irrational today.
Hopefully it'll pass, I don't like feeling this way.

I don't wanna know how much I weigh!

I put on some new jeans this morning and turned around to see how they looked in the mirror. WOW! My butt is huge! I want to know but at the same time I am scared to know how much I weigh. Last time I checked I weighed about 132 or so. It doesn't sound like alot..considering I am 5 months pregnant ,but it seems to look horrible on me! Maybe it's my warped body image? I've been under weight all of my life( just by 5-10 lbs, not alot) so being proper weight is difficult for me to accept? Many people might feel like I am an idiot because there are plenty of people out there with legitimate weight issues and here I am worrying about pregnancy weight.
But honestly I finding gaining weight very difficult to accept! I am so afraid of being " fat" that I can't stand to gain a pound.
I can't stand to have any extra flab or jiggle anywhere. After Seth I had a difficult time dealing with the extra belly skin after pregnancy. It's not like my body was ever perfect. David has always loved my body, noone in my life has evr made fun of it..exept for being to thin in elementary school ( that was way before I had body image issues..that was simply genetics and high metabolism)

I still look in the mirror, pregnant or not, and all I see is a fat girl. :(

I need another U/S

Yesterday I called the place that did my U/S and complained about the tech giving away the gender. They apologized profusely and said they would take care of it. Later that day the tech calls me at work telling me that she needs more pics of the face for the Dr. I told her I didn't want her to do my U/S and that I would like to schedule it elsewhere. So I am going to the hospital to have it done on Monday at 4.
My mom is going with me this time. You know, last time I had to have my 20 week U/S done twice due to some heart pics being omitted. This is annoying.
Now I am scared there is something wrong with my baby's face. I just hate having tests done!

Here's a pic...

Ultrasound today..

Apparently everything looks good. I am measuring one day ahead so that would make my due date March 1 but I won't change anything, might as well stick with march 2. I saw legs , arms, hands, head, eyes, heart ,you know. Everything was there. I'll find out for sure from the Dr. next week.
We told the lady that we didn't want to know the gender but she immediately said " I accidentally saw the gender" and referred to the baby as "he " throughout the entire scan. Whe I complained ( after correcting her several times) she said that she calls every baby "he". Somehow I don't quite believe it. We got a pic that seems to show the genitals in full glory. Why the hell would she do that???
Tomorrow I am bringing the pic back and will ask someone there what exactly i see in the pic. If they say it's what i think i am going to complain. This is my last baby and David and I really wanted a surprise!! Now we know it's a boy.

Am I upset because I was secretly hoping for a girl and I am disappointed? I don't know. I actually DO feel a little sad even though i told everyone I really wanted a boy. Now I will never have a daughter. I feel like I should just be happy that it's growing and healthy. Pretty shallow,I know.

Seth's Two!

One...Two...three... that's about as high as he can count these days. He will count just about anything but if you ask him how old he is he doesn't know. Eh, He'll catch on eventually.
We had an awesome party and my mom's house. Mom and Jack, David, Fonda, Jason, Amber, Mamaw, Dad, Sean and Heather were all there. Dad had forgotten but I called to remind him and he came right over. Sean and Heather got there late as well but the important thing was they were there.
Seth got alot of neat stuff, a couple trucks, some clothes, some art stuff and coloring books, a tricycle from David and I. So far he's been having a blast with everything. Oh, and we had tons of food. It was great! Seth ate alot more than he usually does for lunch and he really enjoyed the cake. It was a Publix cake with the "Cars" theme ( "Cars" is Seth's new obsession..the movie not neccisarily ANY car) Seth immediately stuck his fingers in the frosting. We all sang "Happy Birthday" and Seth just beamed! He was absolutely thrilled when evryone was singing! When we clapped he clapped also. We've been trying to teach him the birthday song for a month now so he was quite familiar with it but I didn't expect him to be sooo excited when we sang it.
Then we all hang out in Mom's back yard while Seth ran around getting good and dirty. We all had a good time but when we got home I could tell Seth was exhausted..and so was I.
I can't believe I am the mom of a two year old. And I wouldn't want it any other way..

chicken tenders, deviled eggs, cookies..

assorted veggies with ranch dip and fruit. Oh, and of course, cake. That is the menu for Seth's birthday party. Yum yum. Now I just have to get a birthday present for him. Probably Friday when David gets paid...godness knows, there isn't much $ left after buying all the groceries! I can't believe what we've spent! A lot less than other people, I'm sure, but a 2nd birthday only comes around once and everyone loves an excuse for family to get together and EAT! At least my family..oddly enough we are a thin bunch but we sure like food! Saturday should be loads of fun.

Seth loves halloween decorations.

Maybe because he was born in the month of Halloween, maybe because his Dad loves halloween so much, in any case: let me tell a cute story.
We have a plastic light-up jack-o-lantern and a rubbery light-up skull we set on the table in front of the front window at Halloween. Seth calls the skull " Scary guy" and the pumpkin " scary pumpkin". So he is fascinated by the two objects. He turns the skull to the pumpkin and says " hi scary pumpkin" then turns the pumpkin to the skull ans says " hi scary guy". This conversation goes on and on without much variation. I think it's pretty cute.
Every time we are at the store and he sees a ghoulish Halloween decoration it's always " Scary guy" But he isn't scared really. More fascinated.
This halloween will be loads of fun, I can tell.

Seth's birthday is getting closer..

I ordered a cool cake from Publix and invited all kinds of family, we got party plates and cups. I just need to get birthday presents. I can't believe my boy will be 2, time is going so fast!
I can't believe that my boy has gone from the crankiest non sleeping little baby to the happiest, most pleasant, excellent sleeping boy. I keep wondering when the terrible twos kick in because right now he is super cute. He didn't get any of our moodiness, thank God!

My son is strange.

He is stranger than strange. He constantly places his matchbox cars on the edge of something with one or two wheels hanging off the edge then he comes to me and insists that i see that his car is " stuck" . He does this over and over constantly placing his little cars in constant peril. Weird.
He also has decided to stop napping, and, boy, would I like a nap. I am worn out by him!
I want to go to the mall to get some clothes that fit but I cannot go with Seth because I have to try them on and I just don't think that would work out. David is stopping at the pub and then it didn't sound as if he was keen on the idea of going to the mall with me so maybe I will just leave the two of them here and i will go...alone!

Misery

I went to the Dr. today to find out the results of my cultures and fortunately they were both neg. Dr. thinks I had a low grade staph infection. It's clearing up nicely now. But that's not making me miserable.
I feel good, I am sleeping well, everything should be okay,right? Lately it seems I can't stop worrying about everything!
-I don't have any maternity clothes that fit, they are all too big so now I need to buy smaller ones but i don't have any money until tomorrow! WAAH!
- I want to re-do my kitchen but I have to get rid of David's glass and shot glass collection and I don't have anywhere to put them so i have to keep looking at them.,WAAH!
- I want David to fix up the garage so we can get the computer room ready for the baby before it's born ( in 5 months) but he keeps dragging his feet and nothing ever gets done and I'm tired of him starting projects that he doesn't finish.WAAHH!
- The cat has tapeworm but she refuses to take her pill and meanwhile she disgusts me and I don't want her near me. WAAH
- I am so tired of fleas! We need to spray the yard for pests but I ( again) don't have money for it.WAAH
- I'm tired of David not picking up after himself. I'm tired of being the maid.WAAH.
- I deposited $50 in the bank and they charged us $33 for overdraft fees so now we are still broke and it's all my fault and I'm tired of being behind on bills. I know we over spend but there is always something that we NEED. I wish someone else would deal with my finances. WAAH
-I wanted to schedule my U/S as close to David's current job as possible so he could get there easily but now he says he might not be able to make it. I'm pissed about that. WAAH.
- I feel like such a bad parent because I am so stressed out lately.

I even had a lovely massage last night but it was only a very temporary fix. I feel tense as ever.
I think I need a day at a spa or something. Seth is such a good boy and all he wants is for me to watch "Finding Nemo" with him but I am too busy feeling sorry for my miserable self that i can't relax. I cried at work yesterday because the computer wasn't working and I was frustrated. What the hell is wrong with me?

I don't wanna find Nemo anymore!

This is Seth's new obsession. From morning until night he says " Nemo, Nemo!" He will watch that movie over and over all day. Yes, it's a cute movie and it's beautiful to look at but i wish he'd have some variety.

My most recent appointment...

Was last Wednesday. Everything was normal, normal, normal. Good BP, urine was negative, fetal heartbeat was superb. I am measuring just right. But I have gained 11 lbs. since I found out I was pregnant. Ick. I need to S L O W down so i don't end up as big as a house. I just feel so hungry all the time. I can't stop...Food is just SO GOOD!
I also asked the Doc about the bug bite on my back. I first noticed it last Sunday at work, it was a rather large welt that was quite irritated by my bra strap so it kept bugging me. By Wed. it hadn't gone down so my OB suggested I go to a general Dr. in case I requred antibiotics. At the walk- in clinic they weren't sure what it was so they did cultures and ,of course, gave me antibiotics. When i went back on friday the viral culyres weren't back yet but the Dr. told me to put vit E and aloe on it because the skin was cracked. Right now it itches like mad. It's still a bit red and slightly raised. Have to go back to Dr. on Wed. Hopefully it's gone by then.

I feel better.

After a bathed Seth I chased his naked self throught he house pretending like I couldn't catch him to dress him. We were laughing hysterically! I finally "caught" him and dressed him on the bed and then he proceded to bury me in all the pillows on the bed and jump on them. I haven't laughed so hard in a while! Laughter IS the best medicine. Meanwhile david is outside mowing, edging, trimming, cleaning, organizing,etc.
I may not have alot of money but I have a great husband and the most awesome kid around!!!

i am the biggest loser.

I paid $160.00 worth of bills that I don't have.I miscalculated and now I am screwed. Usually any overdraft comes off of my credit card but that is maxed as well. I just paid $200.00 on it but that all went to finance charges and late fees. So there goes that option. I was ready to deposit all of Seth's piggy bank money but my mom said she'd would lend me the money, so i am going to deposit it first thing on Monday. I totally suck and I just want to cry because I am so ashamed. We had plenty of money too we just bought too much stuff and then it was gone!
Then I yelled at Seth because he has been whining nonstop for the last couple hours and I have had it!!!! You see, he refused to nap today and now I have to pay the price. He's grumpy and I'm cranky. Thank goodness David is here to straighten us out!
Anyway I highly dislike myself right now. I am an idiot.

Anniversary dinners, eye Drs. and good health..

On friday evening we ate at Porto Bellos in Burnt Store marina. We dropped $80 but it was totally worth it. The food was wonderful, presentation was lovely, service great. I gobbled up a beautiful filet mignon and wonderful mashed potatoes. I don't remember what David had,I was too busy eating. These days i am all about food.
The more the better!I'm feeling so good i forget I am pregnant. I have energy and an enormous appetite. My skin is clearing up and my headaches have disappeared. I don't feel irritable and sleepy all the time..and yes, I can sleep at night! I wish my entire pregnancy was this great.
I have this overwhelming desire to redo the house. i have so many plans but, unfortunately, not enough money to actually purchase the house stuff I want. I have found some nice outlet and switch plates that i want to put in the kitchen and i would like to get a nice wallpaper border to place around the top of the wall in the kitchen. I'd like to find something with some grape vines or something. If i could get a china cabinet for Davids glass collection then i could place some fake ivy or vines across the top of the cabinets. I really want to go for that whole italian restaraunt feel,you know? maybe at K mart i could find some inexpensive stuff.
I just need to get David to finish tiling the walls and countertops in the kitchen. It drives me nuts how he starts something and doesn't finish for a year. I hate to be a nag. Heck, if i knew how to tile,I 'd do it myself.
My eye dr. appt. went well. My eyes ARE a little worse than a year ago but the Dr. thought maybe it was related to my pregnancy. I guess my eye pressure is still down though. I really don't want Glaucoma at a young age.
Seth is sleeping to i'm going to eat my sundae. I am going to be HUGE at this rate. But the bad foods taste so good! Eh, I am almost 15 weeks pregnant and I've only gained 5 lbs. That's not so bad is it? Unfortunately it's all in my butt! maybe if i do some extra walking around the neigborhood i can keep my butt in near normal proportions. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have permission to morph into a 200 pound blob. I want to gain wait at a proper rate and be healthy. But i still want that sundae!

"hurricane" ernesto

Puh-lease this was the most pathetic storm EVER! The TV weather people and the weather channel had us all breaked out that this would be something horrible. I think it was an actual hurricane for about 5 minutes and then became a pathetic tropical storm. The newspaper headlines said " Are we ready for another disaster?" This just proves to me that weather people haven't any clue. you know who does? animals. The day before hurricane Charley we noticed there wasn't any birds anywhere around. Outside it was eerily calm and quiet. We knew something was up. And the cat stayed under the bed until three days after the hurricane.
So now we always monitor the birds in the neigborhood. If they are all flying around and eating at the bird feeder I feel safe. if the cats are acting normal then i'm not worried.
Granted some of the low lying areas in town do have some standing water but in years past we have had far worse thunderstorms.
Tomorrow is our 5th anniversary. We are going out to have a nice dinner while Sean and Heather watch Seth. It'll be a nice day...:)

David's out of town:(

He flew to South Carolina to see a Breaking Benjamin concert yesterday morning. He's flying back right now...probably will be home in a few hours. His friend Roger won tickets and airfare and hotel from a radio station and David went with. He says Charleston in really nice but i don't think he had as good of a time as he had hoped. Oh well, it's always an adventure!
Hurricane Ernesto is going to miss us it looks like. It's going farther and farther east and I am glad. I wasn't too freaked out though like some people. heck, i've been through a category 4 hurricane...what's a category 1? I'll laugh in it's face. HA HA!! At least this has been a slow hurricane year. August and Septmenber are the busiest months so i have one more month to go and then we will be ( mostly) in the clear.
I'm still feeling very worn out but not near what I was feeling. i can actually walk across my tiny house without wanting to pass out and holding on to the walls. I am more hungry than any normal person should be...I swear I am on my way to a 50 lbs. weight gain. I am going to be HUGE! I've thought about going with it and becoming a sumo wrestler when this all over with. Are there women sumo wrestlers? I don't know if i'd like the diaper...

Yesterday Seth and i went to the mall with Mamaw, we ate a then took a long walk around the perimeter of the mall. Seth was such a good boy and Mamaw and I talked alot. She's really great. I don't wanna think about what i'd do without her. I hope I have a baby girl so i can name her after my grandmother. My little girl will be Jillian Ruby. The Ruby after my mamaw ,of course!

My dream house...

My childhood home. The Calvert house. I never knew how good I had it. My parents had this house built in 1984 when i was going in to 2nd grade. Everything was custom. The fireplace mantel was made from a tree trunk that had been brought from somewhere up north. The master bathtub was marble. My mother picked out every color and knob and cabinet. It wasn't enourmous but a comfy size. 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. Prime lot on a corner in a nice neighborhood of newer houses near an elementary school. Lovely pool and an extra lot for gardening and a treehouse for the kids. My friends always wanted to stay over and at the time I took the house for granted. Now I know better.
My parents had a nasty divorce when I was 18 and my mom moved out. A couple years later my dad moved out and my mom moved back, but unbeknownst to her he had taken out a second mortgage and stopped making the payments so the lovely house was foreclosed upon. It was difficult for the family to lose the house. Lose all of those memories, all of those years of happiness before things went bad. There was even a wall in the laundry room that had all of our height measuements on it from when we were very young and from when Sean was just a baby.
I wanted to keep that wall. Even all of our friends were measured on that wall.

I haven't lived in that house in 11 years but every dream I have every night that takes place in any house...it takes place in THAT house. My childhood home. The Calvert house that I will always love. The house that held all those wonderful years of happy memories.

The new owners have fixed it up very nicely and it's still as beautiful as always. Sometimes I drive past it. My sister and brother have told me that , on occasion, they do too. One day if david and I ever win big in the lottery we are going to that house and offer the owners anything they want so we can have that house back in my family.

I can always dream, can't I? After all, it is the house of my dreams.

Second appointment update

Everything was normal, normal, normal! My weight is good ( I've gained a mere 3 lbs.) my labwork, pap, and urine tests were good and my BP is low.(Better than high, at least,LOL) My babe's heartbeat was great. I was asked about having the AFP test done and I refused. My Dr. said that hardly anyone is having it done anymore. Next appt. is Sept. 20.

more...

Here is Seth and I hiding... and my sister and Amber ( with Seth of course)

Trying to post pics...

Here's my boy!

I love him.

The second time I listened to the baby's heart beat I called David into the room. The look on his face was absolutely priceless. He smiled so big and said ," That's MY baby!" It was wonderful. He's so cute. :)
He's a little down today and it makes me feel sad. He is such a good person and he treats Seth and I wonderfully. He deserves to be happy. Why do people have to be so mean sometimes? There are ways of breaking bad news to people without being an ass about it, so why do people do it. Unless they are an ass...
This is just my opinion. In no way does it relect the opinions of any other human being.

Heartbeats, insomnia, Seth and Mrs. Robinson.

Today I finally found the baby's heartbeat with the doppler! It was nice and fast and way lower than I thought which is why I probably couldn't find it before. It was nice to hear. I love, love , love it!!!!!!! Hearing the heartbeat made it seem more real to me. All of this tiredness, and grumpiness, and sleeplessness is going to amount to something. Hopefully a roly-poly adorable little something! With 10 toes and 10 fingers...that would be nice too.
I never feel well rested at night. I'm so tired all day and at night I just doze. I don't really get very good restful sleep. I hope this doesn't last for the entire pregnancy. I also find that I am very short of breath alot but I am beginning to think that might be related to anxiety in addition to the progesterone hormones in body. I really don't like feeling anxiety.
Apparently my brother has been having problems with the mom of an ex of his ( who he broke up with like two years ago!) She works in a police office and has been throwing her weight around making him look bad and getting him in trouble. She's sent an letter to Crimestoppers telling them all of the personal things about his life and making him look like a bad person and so now he isn't allowed on school property to pick up or drop off his girlfriend or go to any school functions with her without prior authorization. Of course, she didn't sign the letter but he knows it's her because she's done things like this before to him. Things like this have been going on for a year or so according to him. Sean has been in his share of drama and bad scenes but he's a good person and it really bugs me that this lady is making his life more difficult than it needs to be. She really need to move on and get a life. Personally i think she must be obsessed with him or something. She sounds dangerous to me.
On a lighter note...Today I was putting clothes away and Seth said " come " and grabbed my hand. I said " Just a moment, I need to put this away first" and he said " alright" I thought it was so cute. What a good boy, I love him.
He's such a mimic, I cannot believe how fast he catches on to new words! Every day he says something new.

Baby's first pic

This was done about a month ago. I was absolutely thrilled that there was just one floating around in there! I would've paniked(sp) if there were more! I looks an awful lot like Seth's first photo actually. Just a little blob in there. My next appt. is the 23rd. and who knows what they will do then. Probably listen to the heart rate and measure my belly, the basics.

Still waiting for the doppler!

I ordered a doppler!

I'm not nearly as nervous about the baby this time around but I still would like to hear the heartbeat. Besides, David is inable to accompany me to my appointments due to his work schedule so he wants to hear the heartbeat as well. Anyway it should be here in 2-5 days. I'm looking forward to it!
I've felt very good the last couple days. As if my energy and good mood came back full force ,it was lovely. Then today I'm tired again. Blech. I am starting to develop a belly. Right now it's just a small rounded belly. Not anything drastic. I can still wear my normal clothes and all. i don't think I've porked up too much yet.

This morning Seth slipped while he was running and hit his head on the cat door. He sustained a small laceration on his forehead tha seemed to bleed quite a bit so it freaked me out. I held pressure on it and put a Spiderman band aid on and he's just peachy. He really likes his band aid. Amazing that so much blood came from such a small opening. This kid is going to give me a heart attack before all is said and done, I swear!! I'm just hoping he has a good guardian angel! He will need it.

Sometimes I hate myself.

This past week David has been working very late hours and then today was his best friend's bachelor party...in Tampa, so he's been gone all day. It's not his fault but I get so damn tired that I wish I had some help around here! Seth is always going a mile a minute. " mom, come!" "Come!" "Book!" Quack, quack!" "cookie" Grabbing my hand and wanting me to follow him. Meanwhile I just want to sit for a couple minutes because I am so short of breath and exhausted. I feel like the worst mom ever because I am just too tired to play.
I just want some quiet. I hate being so edgy and emotional. Of course I mentioned before that I can't take the Zoloft anymore because it keeps me from resting well and right now I need every ounce of sleep I can get. If I didn't feel bad enough about being too tired to play I feel bad about feeling bad because...well. I am just a mess.
Today I had my prenatal labwork drawn and they took 4 large and 3 small vials of blood. I was understandibly woozy afterwards. And more tired than usual. At least when you donate blood they give you a cookie and some juice...not to mention a 25% off coupon to one of the fast food places at the mall, for pete's sake. I think these labs should give OJ and a chocolate chip cookie to their patrons who donate excessive amount of blood. I know they charge enough for those tests ,tell me they couldn't afford a little Chips Ahoy, C'mon!

I saw Walt today ( He's the guy getting married on Sunday) What am icky looking guy! The hair on his head is so big and bushy, it just looks dirty and unkempt. I remember when he was actually an attractive man. He used to be pretty built and his hair was short and neat, he actually took good care of himself. What happened??. He's gained a bit a of weight too. Ick, I certainly wouldn't marry him.

As sson as I eat my squash I am going to hop in my bubble bath. That should help me relax!

My mall outing.

Since it's just about 150 degrees out the only places we can go are air conditioned. Today we went to the mall. First we ate some chicken strips and fries ( Seth enjoyed the plastic ware more than the food) then we walked the mall. Even though I am still feeling quite fatigued and short of breath I am DETERMINED that I am not going to gain 40+ lbs this pregnancy. While we were walking I couldn't help but notice that a good portion of the mall- goers today were way in need of a good workout. I have to admit I am in better shape pregnant than many of them were NOT pregnant. Suddenly I felt better about my 2 pound weight gain (so far, that is)
I guess people might say " How do you KNOW they aren't pregnant? YOU don't exactly look pregnant ( exept for your enlarged rack, of course) " I would tell them that most of these women were middle aged or teen aged ( and THAT is really sad). I'm a bitch, I know it. But now I feel better about my body. And it always feels good after i know I have done something healthy for my body...and a nice brisk walk in A/C definitely counts.
While I was there I thought I might see if there were any good sales since I don't have much $ until tomorrow. Unfortunately I didn't find anything I just HAD to have. Exept some bubble bath and a rubber ducky from Bath and Body Works ( set me back a whopping $14 ) The rubber ducky was for Seth, obviously, to add to his collection ( more on that later).

JC Penney had nothing good. They had a TON of long sleeved ,very cute winter outfits for little guys but I was wondering if anyone every told the JC Penney people that it's flipping 150 degrees outside! I mean, really. August is one of the hottest months of the year and they are trying to sell winter stuff! It doesn't even get cold here until MAYBE November...more like December. I don't know who's going to buy it but I will wait for it to go on sale. It will look very cute on Seth on the 5 cold days we have per year.

Anyways, about the rubber duck. Seth has four of them now. He likes to make them talk to each other in the bath and it's very cute, but considering his limited vocabulary the duck conversation goes a little like this.
Duck 1: " Hi! Hi!"
Duck2: " Who's that?"
Duck1: "Quack, quack"
Duck2: "Hi! Hi!"
I think it's very cute.

At my last appt. my Dr. gave me Zoloft for my increased anxiety. Since I am a fruitcake I was very happy to have something bring me back to normal. Unfortunately it made me unable to sleep. So I stopped taking it for awhile. Meanwhile I have discovered that a nice warm bubble bath after Seth goes to bed really helps me sleep like a baby. It's wonderful.
So I am going to forego my Zoloft for a bit and if I feel I need to start up again it is there for me. Unfortunately since it takes a few weeks to even take effect it's a pain in the butt but I really NEED to sleep.
Meanwhile I am overly senstitive and prone to weepiness. yuck. I hate that.

First appointment

Lately I have been feeling a bit more energetic. Maybe because I added the Slow FE to my daily vitamin regime, maybe I'm adjusting to the hormones, who knows? I still have a sensitive stomach and a craving for everything junky. ( Why can't I crave a salad , for pete's sake?)

Anyway, my first Dr. appointment was yesterday. Aside from having a completely incompetent nurse my appt. went well. Dr. did an internal U/S and I got to see my little babe. Everything is just as it should. It' s little heart was beating away. What a lovely sight. i am measuring 3 days ahead but i am sticking with my calculated EDD of march 2.
The nurse initially was very flustered when i explained that my LMP was not going to accurately tell her my due date...but i did know my conception day! Boy, was I glad when the Dr. came into the room at that moment because the nurse was complately lost. She calculated my EDD as April 17! The nurse even admitted to me that I was her first OB patient and she wasn't sure what to do. She walked in on me when i was attempting to redress after my exam. "I won't look" ,she said. Ugh, she was a fruitcake!

My next appointment in scheduled for August 23.

Soooo tired!

Sometimes I feel like a horrible mom! I'm so tired all the time and I just want to rest or sleep. Well, obviously with Seth around I cannot do either. He is so active and always wants me to "Come" and he grabs my hand and leads me somewhere all the time. David tries to go so that I can rest( In the eves when he's off work, of course) but many times Seth only wants me.
I seem to have a tough time sleeping for some reason, even though I'm exhausted all of the time! I don't know if it's a pregnancy thing or if it's the fact that Dr. told me to stop taking my Lexapro because of the pregnancy? I don't know, all I know is even when I have slept well I am still exhausted.
I guess I should be feeling fortunate since that is basically my only pregnancy symptom. But I cannot wait until this fatigue passes and I can feel normal again.
I don't feel queasy anymore, when I do it's for only a short period of time and it passes quickly. But I notice that i am more sensitive to nasty smells or foul-appearing things. For instance, I used to have a stomach of steel. Nothing bothered me. But now if I were accidentally come in contact with someone elses phlegm, I might just start to become very nauseated.
I think my boobs are bigger, ick. They were big enough! They are a little sore on the outsides though.
I scheduled my first Dr. appt. for July 24 and they will do an ultrasound then.

Apparently David saw this girl that we used to know and told her the news. She had a hard time believing it since I hadn't been off the pill very long when I got pregnant. I reminded David that people get pregnant on the pill all the time. All it takes is to miss one!! I took another EPT test to prove it though. In addition to the previous 4 tests I had already taken that were all positive!
Geeez! Leslie is a know-it-all though. She was a friggin lab tech years ago, how does that make her an expert on medical info? I would think that since I'm a nurse that my knowledge of the human body would be reliable. Heck, I don't know it all but I'll admit it if I don't know something.
David also had said recently that Walter's girlfriend is already " showing" ( getting fat) She is two weeks ahead of me and she works part time and doesn't have a 21 month old boy. If I didn't have anything else to do I'd probably sit on my butt and eat all day. I'd probably be getting fat,too.
Last time I checked I weighed 117 lbs. Most of that is probably my boobs. I'm in no hurry to pack on the pounds. Last time I gained 40, I'm hoping not to do it again. It took a year post partum to lose it all, and I had to do ALOT of walking.

Seth and I went to the pool today and we had a very fun time! It's beautiful out right now, but I saw some storm clouds forming. Right now he's watching " Jack's Big Music Show". I love him so much. I have to watch what I say these days since he repeates eveything almost! He's a really good kid. Happy, very loving, active, and I think he's very smart! I hope baby #2 will be as great as he is! I think another boy would be neat. david's hoping for a girl though. Either way we'll be happy. It will be a surprise like last time.

And baby makes 4!

Last Wed. I started feeling slightly queasy. I attributed it to the fried food I had for lunch. It was only slight! Then I had it Thurs and Fri. also. Friday I only had cereal for lunch so I was a little suspicious because I have been eating the same cereal all of my life and I never get nauseated...no matter what! And I deal with some pretty gross stuff at work at times...anyways, I was at the grocery store and thought I would get a pregnancy test, just to prove to myself that it was all in my head. Imagine my surprise when a plus sign appeared on my store brand test! So of course I treid the other in the box and the same thing happened! I immediately called my friend Tammy since I was in shock. I was shaking from excitement! Then I called David...he said" Already! that was fast!" and proceded to tell all of his friends. He was amazed that he felt so thrilled actually. My entire family is happy and I feel great!
I am estimating that I am just over 4 weeks pregnant which would make me due in early March. I must have "o"d around the time David and I were in Orlando for my birthday! (I got a baby for my birthday, hee hee)
So far I have just a tiny bit of early-mid afternoon sickness. NO sore boobs like with Seth and NO other symptoms at all. Okay so maybe I'm a bit tired.

So far so good! My sis is hoping it's a girl so her and Amber can be friends. This will be fun...

various photos of my life

Seth, me and the new kitty ( they won't leave me alone!
Amber Paige, my new neice born June1st. I love her!



Seth in the bath

Grrrrrr!

David has been off for most of the week. I STILL had my mom come over and watch Seth because I thought that he could do some stuff around the house. Well, he didn't. Yesterday he reqested that I write up a list of things to do and he would work on them today. Well, he ended up going into work around 11 and them he finished half of the job and went to band practice. Then called me to tell me that he will probably get a cab home since he was planning on drinking. So I said. " Great, you went to work late, did half a job then you're going to get drunk" I was upset that he accomplished NOTHING this week for being off. Then I tell him that I think he's been drinking too much lately. He blames me for his drinking...because he hates his life, he's unloved, etc. I was just pissed because if I am going to support someone when they aren't bringing home money, well then they better do something worthwhile. NOT play on the computer or play video games while my mom watches the boy. Oddly enough, I am not upset. Just unhappy.

Now that Seth has a new cousin...

We have decided to have another child. Not because of Amber , we actually decided the week before she was born, so now we are "not preventing" another baby. So whatever happens, happens. I am hoping for another boy since we have all boy stuff, that would save us a bit of money.
David's best friend's girlfriend is newly pregnant so now the pressure is on for me to be as well so our babies will be born close together. I guess that would be neat having another person pregnant at the same time as me. Andrea is a nice girl, even though she's 9 years younger than me. We just never talked much because we had nothing in common. I think that would be very cool. And the daddys-to be could have something to talk about as well. Of course Seth is my #1. He's so wonderful. I think he will be a great big brother. Whenever I get preg, of course. It did take 6 months with Seth and we were trying for that!

She's heeeeere!

Amber Paige was born at 1955(9:55PM) on June 1, 2006 weighing 5 lbs 12 oz. 18 inches long. She is a tiny little thing but adorable as anything. I love her. My sister is doing well, a little achy but who isn't after giving birth?
Seth and I am going to her house tomorrow afternoon after they are discharged from the hospital.
Today i was able to go to see them at the hospital. I got to hold little Amber. She has the cutest feet ever!!I am so proud.

June 1st is a lovely day to be born...

My sis called me to tell me that she is going in to be induced tomorrow at 1100! I am sooo excited! In 24 hours, I will be an aunt! I can't tell anyone( except David) because it is a secret but I am absolutely thrilled.
My birthday is in 1 week, I will be 29 years old! Today i made the reservations for the hotel. We will be within walking distance of Universal Studios. We haven't spent a night away withou Seth since our anniversary in September. It's about time. Note to self: don't drink so much that I pass out without any nookie.
Today Seth and I went to the park in Punta Gorda again. Seth walked in the water, eventually sitting in it in his sunsuit! Next time I will just put his swim suit on and let him wade in the water. It was rather hot but pleasant there by the water. The breeze off the harbor really lowers the extremely hot temperature and makes for a lovely day.
David was working out in PGI so I dropped his lunch off on the way. That's all I 've seen of him today since he's at band practice.
We have a new kitty that we've decided to name Squibb. Squibb is a PIA during the night and likes to sleep on my head. In the several times I removed her from that location and placed her on the floor she scratched the heck outout of my hand. Ick!
I showed Seth my boo-boo and he kissed it and said "hurts?" .

I love that little boy.

My mom and Seth.

A few years back my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer with metastasis to the lymph nodes. She went through chemotherapy and radiation, you know, the works. As a result she ended up with radiation poisoning which prevented her hair from completely growing back among some other things. Therefore, she always wears a baseball cap to cover her very thin head of hair.
She babysits him on the days I work so she has had a hand in teaching him many words, and for that I am most fortunate. Apparently he is fascinated with her hat and always asks " Whats that?" Of course she tells him" hat". Well now he seems to think that anything on top of your head is a hat. I try to tell him " head" or "hair" but he just says " hat". To him he points at my hair and says " hat". Sometimes he will place one of his rings on top of his head and announce " hat". He's so strange...

In any case, I will take this moment to record for posterity that...I LOVE MY MOM!!!

I know she won't read this but, I will tell her tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day ,Mom! You are the best. I couldn't have chosen a better mom if I tried. I'm glad to have her, and hope to have her in my ( and Seth's) life for many more years.....

My 50 bucks was found!!

I received a call from Toni at work telling me that someone turned it in. How lucky am I that I work at such a honest place. I am very grateful.

I lost 50 bucks

David had just given it to me and I went to my work with the boy to turn in some paperwork. Well Once I got in the door I realized that it was gone. I am so mad at myself right now.I have checked everywhere. Grrrr....

The wonders of Lexapro

Aside from this crappy cold I have had lately I have been feeling really good. Physically and mentally. I just am not sure if I have improved those areas of my life that were bugging me or is it because I upped my dosage of my antidepressant medication. Even my coworker commented to me that I have changed. He stated " You used to be so angry" And I wholeheartedly agree. I was more than happy to participate in any whine-fest anywhere, anytime. Now I would prefer not to. Whine-fests bring me down and I don't want to hear it. I don't feel as grumpy toward my husband either. Actually I feel more loving toward him than I have in a while. Is it the Lexapro? I don't know ,but I certainly can't complain.
I have a cold right now that is a pain in my butt. I think that the worst is over ,but I feel so run down and blah. Everytime I try to lie down for a while Seth grabs the blanket off of me and says, "Come!" I can't stay in one place for too long with him around. He's just as cute as can be!
My sister's baby shower was Sunday and she made out pretty well. I can't believe that in a little less than a month that my little sis will have a baby! I am so excited! I cannot wait to hold the little baby in my arms. They don't know the gender so I am hoping for a boy but I have a feeling that it's a girl. I also am hoping that it is born on June 8. The due date is June 6 but the 8th is my birthday and also Jason's (her husband) birthday. He is exactly one year younger than me. Anyway i think that would be so cool.

My myspace site....

David sorta discovered Myspace and started a profile. I decided to as well. It's kinda neat. I'm still working on personalizing it but I have a couple pics and some info there. I'm not sure if I wasnt to get the blog started...How am I going to keep up two blogs!!! Anyway if anyone reads this check it out and add me to your friends if you have a site, too.




Check me out!

A lovely day at the park

Seth and I went to the park in Punta Gorda today and the weather was just lovely! We played on the swings a little and wandered throught the nature trail looking for birds. All we found were fiddler crabs though and some little needlenose fish swimming in the pond. Seth really liked watching the fish swim! Alot of people had taked their boats out into the harbor today so Seth got to see alot of boats out. He really liked that, especially the sail boats. He kept pointing and saying "oat" Very cute. We had alot of fun. David was home today but wasn't feeling well so he stayed home. Oh well...his loss, we had a good time.

David is at band practice now and Seth is bouncing his orange ball in the hallway. "What's that?" I ask. Seth responds, "ball!" then he drops it and says " drop" . Heck, I didn't even know he could say drop! He says so many things that I stopped keeping track, there is just too many to write them all down. What a smart boy.

my sweet little boy...

My new car!!! and a pic of a baby mockingbird

At least he sleeps well...

Once he falls asleep that is. When I say that seth hates sleep it's only the initial falling asleep part. Once he passes out he sleeps like a rock and for that I am most fortunate. But how do I get him to fall asleep better? Omit naps? Wear him out more ( without wearing me out)? i don't know what to do. Will he outgrow this phase? I know as a kid i never liked going to bed, could it be a hereditary trait?

sex, water and air conditioning.

this week has been really good. I have decided not to take the new job. I have decided to stay in the position that I am currently at with out any changes. I would miss everyone too much. I have made too many friends here. I just can't leave. Besides it's getting better. I also upped my dose of Lexapro so maybe that is what is making it all so tolerable. ???
David and I actually had sex thursday after long last. It wasn't as superb as it could have been. Seth was crying and crying like he does every night. He absolutely hates sleep. Of course, I knew that Seth was okay and safe in his crib but the crying and crying....for no reason! GRRR!!!! Will I ever have sex again?!

Today was a hot one. Seth was splashing in the bird bath so we filled up his kiddie pool for him. He liked it okay, he kept getting in the pool and then out of the pool then in the pool and out. I really just don't think he likes to be in one place for too long. I can't believe the energy this kid has. It's amazing.

The A/C was leaking in the garage. Fortunately we only had it installed 11 months ago so the A/C man came out and fixed it at no charge to us. Lucky us. It would have been a $70 service charge.

This morning we took my mom to the fabric store so she could get materials to make my sister's baby a blanket. Then she took us to lunch. Seth didn't eat very much but he behaved really well. I can't believe how fast he is growing!
Everyday he says something new, I was writing it all down but he is saying so much at such a rapid rate I can't keep up anymore! He's so great.

I love my husband and son. I am a lucky girl.

My boy is very cute...

My boy is strange...

blueberry pie, playground, massage and new job?

My last day of work was supposed to be yesterday. Of course, they asked me to stay a little longer. And I agreed. WTH? I don't have another job yet ,anyway. I have to think about paying the bills. They offered me the restorative nurse position. And I accepted. Whever they have someone to fill my current position I will start. I will be working Monday through Friday, similar hours as to my current hours. They will send be to a different facility in Clearwater for a day of training and I will also get a dollar an hour raise. I will have 3 CNAs working under me. I will be in charge of seating arrangements in the dining room, supervising breakfast and lunch in the dining room, weighing all of the residents on a monthly basis and charting the results. I will also be in charge of bed alarms and B&B retraining monitoring. Actually from what i see the 3 CNAs do most of the work. We'll see if i actually get the job or if they are just stringing me along and I am merely a fool for staying.
I made a bluberry pie for David two days ago and he hasn't even eaten any. Bleh. I can always make another. Making pies are soo easy! Too easy actually. I think that next i will try making something more challenging. Maybe a loaf of bread, last time was pretty fun. Fresh bread is so delicious.

I had scheduled a massage for david yesterday but he couldn't make it. He was too far away to make it in time and besides his stomach is still bothering him. I went in his place. Becky and I just talked for over an hour before the massage even started, David was getting worried about me since i was gone so long. It was a lovely massage, I feel so relaxed today.

On wednesday seth and I went to the park and wandered around. He liked watching the other kids on the playground and walking in the murky water ( with his water shoes on, of course). It was a beautiful day and we had fun. Today I think that we will go to the playground near us and see what fun we can find. It's a beautiful day and I love any excuse to drive my new car! hee hee!

Blue blue blue

Is how i feel today. Not sure why, just am. Maybe because I am leaving my job of 5 years and all of the friends that I have made over the years. Last time I left it was understood to be only a temporary situation. Now it's a permanent situation.
Maybe because Tammy was being cranky and mean to me at work today.
Maybe because lately, David has been cranky every day. ( He's that way every year around his birthday, bleh)Evry day he's talking about how every one hates him and how Walter gets to have all kinds of fun and take vacations and he doesn't get to do anything, wah, wah ,wah!!!!
Maybe because I am leaving my job and do not have a new one yet....And a have a new car payment to deal with. I'm telling you i wish I had someone to make desicions for me because all I ever do is make stupid ones.
I wish David was here to give me a hug. Seth is here but it's just not the same as David's strong arms around me to make me feel like it will all be alright.

I will soon be 29. I feel so old. Did you know that Third Eye Blind's first album came out in 1997? Almost 10 years ago. I played the heck out of that CD when it came out. I feel like it was only yesterday. So much has happened in that time. And yet i feel like it has been so little also.

Whoo hoo! I have a new car!

It's a 2006 Chevy Cobalt. It's a rather periwinkle-ish color with a spoiler. It's very basic as far as extras , but I don't need them ( and can't afford them anyway) Best of all it's a 5 speed manual transmission, how fun!! I love it. And david is very jealous. " You are so lucky to have a 5 speed!", he says. I am leasing it for 241.00 amonth. Had to practically beg for that low of payments though. I am so happy and now i don't have anything to whine about.

Now I need to find a new job.

No car...yet

So far David and I have been to two places looking for cars. The first was a Toyota place. I fell in love with a Corolla, but it was not meant to be. The payments were just too much. The Honda Civic was just as expensive and wasn't as fancy. I would have been plenty happy with it though. It was a lovely shade of red.
Shopping with an18 month old isn't easy. He wants to run, run, run everywhere into everything and everyone. Poor little guy gets so bored. It doesn't help that we have to fill out a ton of paperwork to check our credit and then the salesman has to go back and forth to the "supervisor" several times to discuss prices. ( I'm not stupid, I know that is a game and they don't actually discuss anything with anyone. It's merely a ploy) But i tell them first hand that i do not have time for games!!!! First time a get a price I'm not happy with i am out the door. Both places the salesman followed us to our car still attempting to sell us stuff. Blech. Car salesmen are the scum of the earth.
Tonorrow my sis and I are going to go to another car place. Hopefully this will be the "one". I don't know how much longer I can deal with car shopping!

i only have a little over a week until I am leaving my job. I have many options but I don't know exactly where I want to go work. I have to renew my CPR certification before I do anything. I think I might take a week off before i start a new job.

I hope I have good luck with my silly car shopping. Ick!

Well, I didn't take the job

They didn't have the shift I wnated so they are going to hold my application and call if any 7-3 shifts come available. I won't hold my breath. Meanwhile, my current job asked me to stay an extra week ( "or as long as possible") since one of the other nurses is out with an injury until mid-April. I agreed. Mostly since I have a Dr. appt coming up and David is going back to his on April 12th so this way I'll hang on to my Health insurance a little longer. Once all of our annual Dr. appts. are out of the way then I can leave. My last day is April 13. I hope that david won't require any MRIs or EGDs because I don't want to stay much longer than I have to and if he does then I have to stay for my insurance to pay for these procedures.
I am hoping the Protonix takes care of his GI problems so we can avoid further tests. He also has borderline high BP. Ick. I am not surprised though.

Today Seth and I went to the cemetery since it was so nice outside. We visited my Papaw briefly and then Seth ran around to look at all of the fake flowers that people had placed on other graves. Maybe we'll go back tonight. There is so much room for him to run around, and it's so nice and peaceful. It's very beautiful as well.Of course, We are always respectful. Quite a few of the people I have taken care of in my nursing career are buried there so I visit their graves and say a little prayer.

My computer desk...

Why?

Whay is it that gay guys would make such awesome boyfriends? I don't want to replace my husband or anything but this guy at work has always been so supportive and kind when I am having crappy days. He is always reassuring and sweet. Also funny and smart. I just think that it is such a waste that he is gay. He's not so great in the looks department but, oh well.

I turned in my resignation today. I don't think they were too upset. The other job called my house today while I was at work. I'm going to call them back in the morning...from work of course.

Seth is pushing around his toy fire truck and making car sounds, it's so cute. I just love him!!! VROOM!!VROOM!!

I wrote my letter.

Now I just need the courage to turn it in. I don't know why I get so nervous about resigning, it's not like they are going to fire me or something, you know? I can't think they will be too broken up about my leaving I wasn't the model employee ( chronic tardiness, not attenting inservices, some anxiety) but for the most part I know my stuff. I am dependable, reliable, clean and neat, organized, and always pay attention to detail. I am very knowledgable about the computer system. I like my patients and try to take care of all of their needs, medical or not. I try to be friendly and polite to all my co-workers and to visitors to the facility. I have a good understanding of medical knowledge and how to perform nursing tasks. I also have an excellent memory and lots of energy.

I think that I would hire me.

I think I have a new job!!

My job has been absolutely horrible since they reopened after rebuilding from the hurricane. Every day is chaos!! They are very disorganized and very understaffed and I just don't think it is healthy for my mental health to remain there. So today I decided to apply for a new job at the nursing home down the road from the one I am currently at.As my good luck would have it the staffing nurse at the new place was my unit manager a couple years ago at my current place! Thank goodness I was always on good terms with her! She said that i might have to work a couple 3-11 and a couple 7-3 shift to make up my hours but really thinks that we could work something out because she knows that I am a good nurse. She said that she will call me!!!What a relief. Also I went to my check up with the psychiatrist today and told him about it,he had good things to say about the facility and the staff so I guess it must be alright. He makes weekly visits there to see the psych patients. Anyway...I am glad evrything will work out. From everything that the staffing nurse told me they sound like they are way more organized and properly stffed than my current place of employment.

While Seth naps I am going to write out my letter of resignation.

It's always an adventure.

That should be David and I's relationship motto. So many times, especially in our travels , have we uttered those words. We always try to make the best of unplanned situations. Now Seth and I have constant adventures. I love, love, love spending time with him. Every day is a new adventure, a new experience.
Today we went to the mall and then we went to Dairy Queen and shared a blizzard. It was delicious, it was partially melted by the time we returned home but we enjoyed it nevertheless. Seth had it all over his face and hair, what a glorious mess. He received a nice bath afterwards. Then we blew bubbles on the patio for a bit, until he became horribly cranky. Now he is napping.
I have been thinking about how far apart I should space my children and I think I have settled on 3-4 years apart. I am having so much fun with Seth right now I am just not ready to bring another baby into the world yet and disrupt things. But I do know that I want him to have a sibling, I am just not quite ready. Besides we would need to get a bigger house in order to accomodate another child.
Thank goodness that my sister is due in June. Seth WILL have a playmate. Fonda and I already have it planned out. We are going to take our kids out to the park together and the playground. And they will be the best of friends. Just like Fonda and me.
Seth did see my cousin and her 5 kids last Saturday and apparently had a grand time playing with them. unfortunately I was at work that day but I was glad that he got along with them so well. I am sorry i missed it.

I think that if tomorrow isn't any better at my work I am going to apply at a different facility on Wed. I have already asked mom if she could watch Seth for a few while I go up there. If i decide to ( I think I have decided though). I am fed up with working at such a disorganized and understaffed facility. It's almost chaotic every day!!! I really ,truly dislike it there and I really think that it would be in my best interest to leave. I need a facility that has a competent and able administrative team. I am thinking optomistically that I will find what I am looking for.

not-so-happy st patty's day

david's home late again. Every single day this week. i know I shouldn't complain because he is getting paid good money this week so it's not like he isn't being compensated for all of these extra hours but...I guess I just feel selffish and lonely. I would like to see him sometimes, you know? I feel a little sad for myself right now. Sad and lonely.

Happy St. Patty's day!

I took a sick day yesterday since my mom was ill. Fonda and I went to the mall and did some shopping. I got Seth some summer clothes, some new shoes for me and David and new onesies and a matching hat, and some booties for my neice or nephew arriving in June!
I could have gone nuts buying little baby stuff for her but I knew I had to restrain myself.
Today we went to mamaw's house to visit. My cousin is coming today to stay with her for a couple days and I was hoping to see her and her 5 ( 5!!!!!) kids but they won't be arriving until later this evening.

In other news , David's 33rd birthday is coming up on April 8 and I don't know what to get him. Star Trek stuff? Gift certificate for the guitar store? a massage? Who knows ...

Beach day

We stopped by the beach today and seth played in the sand, chased some sea gulls and picked up several rocks and shells. He tried to walk in to the water and at one point tried to steal some poor little girls sand toys, but all in all he got good and dirty and had a fun time. When it comes time to swim at the beach we will have to go to a different location since the local beach is rather muddy and the water is brackish and brown,yuck! We will have to take a drive to Englewood where they have beautiful blue water and lovely white sand.
We left when he started throwing sand. It was a lovely breezy day so you can imagine that that sand was going everywhere.
Now he is sleeping soundly ( like a baby) and I think that I will go read a book.

True tales of humor from the nursing home

Yesterday I asked one of my patients if he was experiencing any pain from his recent abdominal surgery. Initially he replied "no" but then added, " Actually I shouldn't say that, I guess I should probably take one of those pills the Dr. prescribed for me.. those Extra Strength Tylenol with cocaine."
I laughed and replied " coming right up!" I knew what he meant of course. When I repeated this story to one of the other nurses his Dr. happened to overhear me. He said " So Jennifer, That's how you keep your patients coming back."

I need to win the lottery...

So that I can quit my job. I feel that the nurses at my workplace ( and most places) are very underappreciated. Even by my nurse managers. My supervisors are a bunch of airheads that are worthless. I need a new job, with a boss that has a clue!
I love my patients, I love my CNAs. I don't love whiney family members that are never happy. I don't love all of my superiors that graduated from nursing school in the 60s. I don't love being overworked and underpaid. I don't love having to do my superiors work because they were too busy gossiping to do it themself. I don't love not being able to take breaks and lunches half the time.
At least Seth and David appreciate me.

Actually I am thinking about getting a job at a Dr. office. after I get my new car of course. I think it's time for a change

Sickday!

Last night I was feeling very lightheaded and nauseated. Not to mention that I was feeling cold...then hot...then cold, you get the picture. So I called out sick today...told them I had a flu. My mom said she would come over early today anyway and get Seth up so that I could sleep late. WELL..I certainly wouldn't argue with THAT! But as it turns out I felt better by the time I got up at 9:15 so good for me! bad for my work!
My mom really missed Seth during the weekends. I really think that he is one of her top 3 favorite things in life, actually I wouldn't be surprised if he was at the top of the list. In June when my sis's baby comes he might have some competition though!

Today was a lovely day, we played outside until I noticed that Seth's little face was turning pink ( i'm a BAD mommy!) But he was having so much fun spinning those rings and rolling them everywhere and throwing around all of the sand in the sand box. I swear this kid moves so fast it is hard to keep up with him, he runs everywhere. Gone are the walking days. Now he is taking a nap and I am itching to bake something. But i did just make a strawberry glazed cheesecake last night so I have to eat that before I make something else.

David installed new carpet in the bedroom on Saturday, it looks lovely and is so soft. Next he is going to tile my kitchen counters , I'm a lucky gal.

When we get our tax refund we are thinking about leasing a PT cruiser, how fun would that be?! I am looking forward to it. If anyone out there in blog land has had any experiences with a PT cruiser let me know what you thought. Thanks!

Stolen from everyone else's blogs...

9 lasts:
last cigarette: Around April 2004
last beverage: a glass of milk
last kiss: Today
last movie seen: The Butterfly Effect
last phone call: David
last cd played: Dave Matthews Band ( I don't know the title)
last bubble bath: Quite a few months ago
last time you cried: At work a few weeks ago...a coworker got very nasty with me
8 have you evers:
have you ever dated one of your best friends: My boyfriends were always my best friends
have you ever skinny dipped: Yes
have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: Yes, lots
have you ever fallen in love: yes,a few times
have you ever lost someone you loved: Yes.
have you ever been depressed: Yes, severely
have you ever been drunk and thrown up: Yes, too many times!!!!
7 states you've been to:
1. Florida
2. California
3. Louisiana
4. Illinois
5. Minnesota
6. Rhode Island
7. North Carolina
6 things you've done today:
1. went to work
2. washed dishes
3. read to Seth
4. took a shower
5. bathed Seth
6. hugged David
5 favorite things in no order:
1. Seth
2. David
3. hugs
4. laughter
5. music
4 people you can tell [almost] anything to:
1. David
2. My sister
3. My mom
4. Tammy
3 wishes:
1. Live a happy and healthy life
2. Seth to live a happy and healthy life
3. financial security
2 things you want to do before you die:
1. Travel to Europe
2. Have a second child
1 thing you regret:
1.My first couple boyfriends...they were losers. I could have done way better.

What a lovely day!

Seth and I went to the park by the harbor today. We wandered throught he nature trail hoping to see some cranes or pelicans without any luck. We walked in the wet sand and played in the shallow water a bit. We did see a big boat and lots of fishermen ( but no fish). I think Seth had fun exploring and I had fun enjoying the weather. Next time ,I think that we will be to the beach complex and play there. There is always sea gulls around there so we could see some birds at least.
Today David and I are going to the accountant to do our taxes. Yesterday the accountant called David to give him a ballpark figure about what our refund might be. Apparently we may be looking at $4,000!!!!!!! Yippeeeee We will be able to afford a new car for me!!!!!!I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It won't be long now( I hope) and I can get in the car to go for a drive and not have to wonder if it will make it there or not. Or have to start the car with a screwdriver!
I guess having a child and a house paid off. ( I know how awful that sounds but I haven't ever gotten any significant amount back from my refund, I usually owe) Happy days are here again! Okay so they weren't that bad to begin with...now they're just better.

This is funny...

Take'>http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=68">Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Did you know?

Jennifer -- [noun]: A person who is a master of making ravioli 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Cool! I wish!

Why?

As everyone knows I need a new car. david and I have decided to wait until our taxes are done on Mon to see how much we get back for our refund. In the meantime, though, My mom's husband saw a nice Jeep that he wanted me to look at. I wasn't able to that particular evening and also when i found out it was a 2004 I figured I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. So he takes my mom to see it yesterday evening and they bought it. Immediately afterward, my mom calls me to tell how beautiful it is and how it was $16,000 and blah, blah, blah. First of all they weren't even looking for a new car until they were aware that i needed one and then for her to call me right away to tell me about it? WTF? Why did she do that? And why do I feel like such a loser?
She said " I guess that you probably weren't the best person to call first" I even told her that I wondered why she called to tell me first and I felt she was trying to rub it in my face that I cannot afford a car like that and meanwhile I have to start my car with a screwdriver! Maybe there is something wrong with me but I have had far too many people in my life that enjoy making me feel lousy by bragging that they have better car than me or better things, etc. I have never been rich but I thought I did well for myself. I am not trying to impress anyone, so why do people try to making me feel so crappy about what I do have?

I have worked very hard all of my life and it sickens me that I see so many people who don't have to do crap and have everything handed to them without any effort. I guess that i just wonder when I am going to get a break!

Maybe I deserve to suffer for feeling the way I do. Blech. My mom said " Jennie ,I think this is your year"
I thought all of my years have been special. I have had wonderful experiences and a great husband and son. I thought I was doing well.

Put it this way. If I had a friend that I knew needed a new car desperately but couldn't quite afford one and I decided one day just to go out and buy exactly the kind of car that she needs and can't afford. I sure wouldn't call her right away and tell her all about it.
Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me...maybe it's my mom.


I still feel like a loser. Why?

My son, He who poops on the floor

Not a minute after I removed Seth from his bath water than he squatted down and pooped on the floor of the bathroom. A lovely little pile in the middle of the floor. Nice. So now, not only do I have to clean up after the cats but now the babe. At least it wasn't a floater for me to fish out of the bathtub.
I think little kids are the only humans that can manage to look cute while they are pooping.

Enough about pooping. 10 minutes until American Idol! I told myself I would not become addicted to this stupid show. I never watched any other season of it ,why now? I just wanted to watch the horrible auditions at the beginning but then I was going to stop watching. Yeah right! It sucked me in!!!!! It's not my fault!! Now it's my stupid addiction. I am very disappointed in myself. Oh well.

Seth and mommy home alone

David has band practice tonight so he won't be home until 8 or9. So Seth and I got Carrabba's curb-side take out for supper. Yum! And I will get watch "American Idol" uninterrupted. Of course I miss David terribly but it's nice to have an evening alone, you know?

Why didn't I go to college?

I am so irritated with my job. I can only work so hard but when the people in charge are weak and incompetent the whole workplace is affected horribly. I am not saying I could do a better job (actually I might!) but I also do not have the proper education that my bosses have. They really should know better how to run a nursing facility. The whole place is going to crap. I am underappreciated and over worked and I am pretty fed up. But I don't knoe what to do next. I hate to job hop because the next place just might just be worse. I just wish they wouldn't be so short staffed all of the time. Morale is at an all time LOW.
Serves me right for not going back to college. Ick.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

my word cloud

weird.

I highly dislike car salesmen!

I wanted to go looking for cars today but David says that he is too busy today and might not get off of work until late. Mewanwhile I have to start my car with a screwdriver, ick. Mom has even said that she will watch if if I need her too. I simply don't want to go car shopping alone...car salesmen would see me and eat me up. Have I mentioned how much I dislike car salesmen!!!!!David called back and said maybe we car go to some locall places tonight and see what we can find. I think he felt bad for me since my car is in such bad shape. I just want to get it over with.

We just got back from Mamaw's house. We had such a nice time ,as always. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful grandmother. I hope I am as healthy and active as she is when I am 78 years old. I hope I have such a great attitude. I noticed that Seth says "Bye" with her North Carolina accent! Instead of pronouncing it like "Buy" ,he says it more like "Bah" . I think it's so cute!
We also saw my Dad there and my brother, Sean. They are always happy to see Seth. Especially my dad. He just loves his first grandchild!!!Then my mom also called my cellphone while I was there. Shoot, I might as well call my sister and I will have spoken to my entire immediate family today!

The horn on the bus goes...

Beep,beep,beep. Beep, beep, beep . Beep, beep, beep. the horn on the bus goes Beep, beep, beep all through the town.

"The Wheels on the bus" has been Seth's favorite book today. I cannot tell you how many times I read it! When I get to the above mentioned verse I would "beep" Seth's nose. By the time it was bed time he was beeping his own nose over and over again..only it sounded more like "dee, dee" as he pressed his nose.
He is absolutely adorable.

more pics

I've been trying to post pics..

But it isn't working for some reason. I'll figure it out one of these days!
I DID IT!!!!!!

I guess that I might be getting a new car

The starter on my car is welded on creating a difficult situation when attempting to replace it. We either bring it to the Ford dealership and pay a fortune or deal with purchasing a new car. I guess that there are worse things in life than making car payments. Yuck. I hate car salesmen. David found a used Nissan listed for under $10,000 in Fort Myers so we might look at getting that one. We will see.
Seth and I will be going to mamaw's house in the AM and that should be nice. I love to visit with her and she loves to watch Seth run all over.
These four days off have been wonderful, I needed to get away from work for a few days. Unfortunately David's been off ,too. It drives me nuts to watch him sitting around all day. I keep giving him things to do. He never complains because he knows these things need to get finished.
We got our pics developed today...

The cat

We decided to name her "EVE" since she sleeps all day and then goes crazy at night. Also after " The three faces of Eve" the old movie about the woman with multiple personalities. This cat had several! Anyway we had her declawed since she was clawing evrything in the house all night and then she started meowing all night , driving us CRAZY!!!! When we purchased her we were told that she had already been spayed...turns out they misssed an ovary. So she went into heat and we had to have exploratory surgery done on her to remove the ovary. Maybe that is the only reason that she was so wacky at night. But I'm not going to change her name... David had suggested Monica ( since our other cat is Phoebe) I said " then should we name the snakes Chandler and Ross?" Ha HA I am such a dork!

Four days off...

To day is the first of four days off I requested so that I could destress from my work. Today we met one of my patients and her private aide Tammy for lunch at the Ice Cream Shop on the campus of South Port, I had a BLT and clam chowder...Seth was too busy exploring to eat. He was running every which way looking all around at the landscaping and the fountains. Climbing over the chairs and looking in the windows of the buildings. The elderly residents thought he was very cute. I'm assuming that they don't see many 16 month olds around there.
Then he sat on Ruth's lap while Tammy and I pushed her wheelchair all around the campus and took her for a nice long walk, Ruth loved it. She kept kissing the back of his head and he kept pointing at everything "dat!" and "see it" to the birds and he especially loved the fountains. So cute. We had a good time.
David took my car to be aligned today. H4e stopped at Walter's to get his check first and then my car wouldn't strat. Turns out some piece in the starter was broken so now he has to fix that first. Blech.. Yes, I know I need a new car. I am certain that we could afford some payments if necessary but I simply don't wanna!!!! I do not want another bill to pay unless I got rid of some we already owe!! I owe $5,800 on my credit card. Yuck!! Then we have the SBA loan that is $100.00 a month and the loan that is $100.00 month. The rest is utilities, ins. mortgage, necessities.
I wish that David made a thousand dollars EVERY week, then I definitely would be getting a new car!

my head hurt so bad...

So bad i was crying at work so I called my sis to pick me up and she brought me a cold towel and Vicodin for my poor aching head. She is the best. I only took half the Vicodin and I feel like a new (somewhat tired) woman. As much as i hate FL I know that I could never move away from my family. Family is very important in my life and I depend on them for emotional support and car rides home from a shitty day at work. I have my mom, sis, bro, dad, grandma, stepdad, and mother and father in law all in the same town. How could I ever move away and deprive Seth of all of this love!!
We may not be rich but the love we have for each other is absolutely priceless and far more important, I think. Going to my grandma's tomorrow and we always have such a nice time at her house. I consider myself very lucky.
We got a new cat...she is 1 year old and calico colored.Very loving

Wednesday

Today I was pestered by not one but two different people peddling their Jehovah's witness nonsense. Ick, what a waste of my time. The first lady came to my door looking for my mom! Apparantly one day while my mom was babysitting they came by and gave her some stuff and talked to her briefly . She gave the papers to david as a joke but they came back looking for her to discuss the mag that they left before. I HAD to call her and thank her profusely. She got a good laugh out of it " You didn't tell them what days I would be here, did you?"
Then after Seth fell asleep I decided to make some bread, while I was mixing the dough I received a phone call," Do you ever wonder about all of the wickedness in the world? Blah, blah blah..."
" I am very content with my life and God has blessed me with a wonderful family, a good job, food to eat, " I reply.
" But do you ever wonder about all of the death and despair, all the wickedness and evil, blah...blah" She continues going on about the future and evil in the world.
I told her that I am very happy with life RIGHT NOW. I don't have alot of death or despair or wickedness in my life. God has been good to me and I feel very blessed.
Of course she was dead set on discussing death and despair so I cut her off.
"Why are you trying to depress me lady? Do you just call people up and try to make them feel bad or guitly about everything? I have to go because i am in the middle of something and I hope that you have a a better day tomorrow and think about happy things"
GEEZ!
Why would I ever want to be part of such a depressing religion? I didn't know today was my day to worry about the future of the world! I looked at the cover of the magazine that I received earlier today and it says" What will the future bring?"
These people need to live a little. Now I know why they don't celebrate holidays. They just might forget about the evils of the world for a moment and be happy!

I think I will check my bread dough progress before the boy awakens. It should be fully risen by now.

Is it wrong to want to have a HAPPY Day? I don't live in a fantasy world, heck I have a ton of bills due and I am broke so , no I do not live in a perfect world. But I do try to keep my spirits up and enjoy what i do have. i don't think that's wrong.

I really don't update this thing too much...

Happy frigging new year. It's another year not too unlike the last.
Seth is walking now and talking. Smart boy ,he is. And very adorable. He was the center of attention on Christmas. He would clap his hansds in the middle of dinner and say "Yay!" And everyone at the table would stop eating to clap and say "Yay!" back Very cute. I swear I really believe that alot of love is all you really need in life.
I don't get much time to update this I think because I do so much charting at work that when i get home the last thing I want to do is type anything. My poor, poor fingers are simply too stiff. Did I mention i am beginning to despise my job? i love the patinets but dislike my bosses, it always seems that the higher up in ranks you go you get to do less and get paid more. Why? I find that working 7-3 I get alot of crap handed down to me from my bosses and I have enough to do already! I wish i could spend more time with interacting with my patients and less with paperwok and charting. But that's simply not goingt o happen anytime soon. They are short staffed and keep asking me to work extra. Of course i say no. No amount of money could replace the satisfaction that I feel from spending time with my family.
David and I are still happyish I guess. We love each other but I simply have NO SEX DRIVE! I do find him attractive but I feel as if I just don't want to be bothered with sex. Too much effort, I guess. I get all sweaty and short of breath and then I have to shower and remake the bed and eat ( because i am always hungry afterward) I guess i should just do it, but he can tell when I'm not " into" it. Anyway i keep thinking that the Lexapro will help things and I think that it has but not the sex thing. I do notice that I don't have anxiety attacks like before and I feel that I can handle stressful situations better. I will think positive.
Should he joint the military? I think it would be best if he joined full time. If he joined reserves he would work at the Celtic Ray upon his return and i certainly don't want him doing that. A 32 year old man doesn't need to be working part time as a cook at a pub. I cannot 9 and will not) do extra shifts to pay the bills while he sleeps in and plays video games all day waiting to go to the pub in the eve. i would like him to join full time so he can learn new things, make a living and possibly we could move away from this horrid ,humid and hot town.
I am hungry so i think that I will go eat. Buh bye!

You know...

I kinda feel silly about the title of my blog because i sleep really well now. Seth sleeps 12 hours in a row at night so do not have any sleep issues anymore( thank god!) I am very glad to no longer have a sleepless life.

Wow! It's been a while!

Thanksgiving is closing in...only a few days away actually. And i don't even know if I have the stinking day off. I have the option of choosing a certain holiday i want off and my number one choice was Christmas, thanksgiving being number two. I hope I have Christmas off actually since it will be Seth's first one that he's able to participate somewhat. Oh what fun it will be...I just love this time of year.
Seth crawls, crawls and crawls everywhere but will not walk! He can take a few steps but flops down and will prefer to crawl to his destination. I was a late walker too according to my mom so i won't panic yet.
My sister is expecting and we are all soooo excited. Much more excited than her I think. I cannot wait to hold the baby. I bet it will be absolutely adorable, I have a feeling that it will be a girl Due in June...I think.
David and I are the same...maybe better but i don't think any worse. I have an appointment scheduled to see Dr. Gonzalez to address my anxiety issues. I think i have a tendency towards obsessive behavior and definitely low self esteem. Some days are soooo great and then I am miserable others. Sometimes I think that if finances were not an issues I would feel so much better. As it stands I feel awfully sad that I cannot afford any Christmas presents right now. My credit card is even maxed out so I don't know what I am going to do.
Seth and I went to the cemetery yesterday to visit Papaw and attempt to find Mrs. Schell ( didn't find her though) The day was absolutely lovely...slightly cooler and breezy. Seth had a great time crawling everywhere and playing in the dirt. He kept wanting to brush the grass clipping from the name plates so he got very dirty. We were there for over an hour just wandering around...so peaceful and quiet. I love the cemetery. We will return for a visit next week...the weather will be even cooler. Maybe we should visit Indian Springs cemetery next time. Eh, actually that place has headstones so he would want to climb on everything so maybe not.
Today we are going to the playground so that should be fun. So long for now...

Poor poor New Orleans

What a lovely place. How sad that it is no longer. It may have been a dirty old town as dirty old towns go but the music!, the 24 hour bars!, the gambling!. What a delightful place to sin! David and I had wanted to go back one day but it won't be the same now. All the historical old buildings and the old cemetery...will they still exist? The house of the rising sun and the old houses in the garden disrict, will they be there?
How I remember wandering the streets of New Orleans half crocked looking for the next happy hour. doing shots with David at one of the many ,many bars. The old run down looking building that was actually a very quaint dark piano bar. We sat around the piano requesting songs. Taking a shortcut through Harrah's to see if we could make some quick cash to drink with, or even milking our time at a nickle slot so that we could get free drinks at the casino. Oh, how the alcohol flowed!!!
I remember wanting to get my fortune read by one of the many psychics in the square if front of the chapel. How I should have...I wonder what has happened to those poor people now? I even wonder about the girl at the Dunkin Donuts that we saw every day (since we woke up at noon ready for breakfast) I remember sitting at some corner bar while David drank some frozen concoction that was advertised as the most alcoholic drink. I don't remember what it had in it but was very, very strong. How I wish i could remember place names and locations. But my memory does not serve me well. I did stand on the top floor of a mall parking garage so that David could get a photo of the Superdome. I did go on the tour of the old cemetery, quite hungover,I might add. How David left a token at "the voodoo queen" Marie Leveau's grave site.
What fun we had! Maybe New Orleans will come back better that ever, how I long to hear the sounds of jazz in the streets again.

It's a boring Sunday.

My marriage seems a little warmer lately. But no sex...I know that he would be thrilled if I initiated it but he seems to stay up so late and he seems to always be drinking. I don't find that attractive. This morning he was so grumpy and irritable and I woke up happy...well he shot THAT down real quickly. He's always been foul in the AM so that's nothing new, I usually just ignore it. He really is a good person. These are all the things that I love about him.
1. He has alot of honesty and integrity.
2. helpful, as long as I ask ,of course
3. He loves me very, very much and takes good care of us. I think that he would do just about anything to make sure that we are safe and provided for.
4. He absolutely adores Seth, he is such a proud dad.
5. he is a hard worker. He has a good job and he never calls out sick so that he can bring home a good paycheck. Even when he's sick and aching from the work and hates his boss...he sticks with it for us.
6. he has a wonderful sense of humor and always knows how to make me smile when i need it.
7. He is very thoughtful and polite
8. He's not selfish ( unfortunately I think I am)
9. He is an excellent cook and makes dinner for us frequently so I don't have to.
10. He doesn't expect much out of me, he's not demanding at all.
11. It might take a little prodding at times, but when I ask him to do a job(ie.yardwork, clean garage,etc.) he does a thorough and excellent job.
12. He's an attractive fellow, I think. Lovely hazel eyes and beautiful dark, shiny hair.
13. He's sensitive and emotional; not too much to where he's crying all the time but enough so that it's obvious that he has a great capacity for love and appreciation for the wonderful things.
12. He's very friendy and personable. He has an easy time making friends where I ,in fact, do not.
13. He's very intelligent. He has knowledge of things that I would never expect, like art history,for instance. He's enjoys reading(maybe too much?)

There are plenty more but I think that's enough for now.
Now that I read the list i think that the problem is me. What do I do now?

he hates me

I feel as if I would be happier without him. Especially since he doesn't like me. When I try to hug him or say I love you he seems irritated so I'm not going to say it anymore. No more" Bye,I love yous" I'm just too tired for sex all the time. Shoot, I am to tired to walk around the block! personally I don't understand who would want to have sex with my disgusting body anyway, whatever. He complains that I don't love him but I am just too worn out to work at a marriage. Between the boy and work and cleaning and worrying about money to pay bills, I barely even care to eat. Sometimes eating seems like too much hassle, I'd rather drink a V8 and be on my way. Too much to do and not enough energy to do it. A shower seems like a lot of work at this point. But it has to be done. i don't feel much better.

Why do I feel so sad?

I think my marriage is in trouble and it makes me wonder what I was thinking in the first place when I got married. When he gets home he reads, or plays his video game or watches TV. He rarely bothers to interact with Seth except when he first gets home or on occasions that I am in the shower or decide to go to the store alone ( Even when THAT happens ,he suggests " why don't you take the boy?") I feel as if he wants no part of family life. I thought he was ready for this as I was. He NEVER feeds, bathes, or rocks the baby. He rarely plays with him or even changes him. It makes me so sad. I don't mind taking take of the baby alone but if I were to do that I would prefer not to work full time as well, you know? I also clean the house, do the laundry, make sure all the bills are paid. I feel like I do EVERYTHING around here, and he just wants to relax. I definitely don't want to have sex with hyim because at this point I feel NO respect for him so I certainly don't feel attracted to him, and I also feel like my body is gross anyway, but thats a whole different story. I should have held out for a guy that was a bit more together. David just won't grow up. What to do?