Goodbye Buff

She left the world today after 21 loooong years. So it really was a Merry Christmas for her. In cat years she had to have been about 120 years or something. She had been dying for quite a while so it really was for the best, but I can't help feeling a little touch of sadness since she had been in our family for so long. In the last 21 years our family has changed so much; divorce, marriage, births, etc. But she was always there, somewhere.
Honestly, I wasn't her biggest fan.
When I was a kid it drove me nuts when she would bat at my feet while I was trying to fall asleep. Or try to eat my food if I left it on the table unattended for a few minutes. But at the same time it was kinda cute when she would hide under my ex-boyfriend's broken down car on rainy days when she lived with me for a time after I had graduated from high school. You would look under the car and just see the light reflecting off of her eyes while she was staring back at you. She would also tolerate my young son poking at her and petting her years later.

All of the family was there and helped to dig her final resting spot in my Mom's front lawn. They already had the box ready, so they wrapped her in a little blanket and placed her little skinny body on a pillow and sealed the box shut. That was it.
I like to think she lived a very full and eventful life and that she is happy now.
Goodbye Buff.

I got what I wanted for Christmas :)

Oh happy day, David got the job!
It's a fine dining restaurant in Punta Gorda called "The Perfect Caper". Apparently, you can easily drop about $100 per person for a meal there-but you get a 6 course meal all made from scratch by professional chefs. David will be doing prep cook work. It's very fast paced and there isn't room for sloppiness so it's going to be quite trying but I hope it works out. I am very proud of him. He's going to be working 40+ hours- AND watching the boys! Wow! It's going to be hard, but even if he just keeps it up for a couple months it will help us get caught up.
I still don't think me and the boys are going to be dropping by for a bite though...

I can't believe Christmas is upon us already. I am cookied out. For the year and next year. Seriously. Why do people insist on giving cookies to others on Christmas. I really could go for some veggies and dip or some cheese cubes or something.
I'm not worried about my weight-I am blessed with two very active little boys and a full time job that keeps me very busy and burning calories constantly. But I really have had enough junk food. I could just as easily say "no, I don't want your damned cookies!", right? but I can't do it! I have to at least try the stupid cookie.
Is it only 9 PM? It sure feels like 11PM. I am so old.

Oh Christmas Plea, Oh Christmas Plea

Please, please let David get hired for this job!
David interviewed for a job at a local fine dining restaurant today and right now everything is looking pretty good. The only catch was that he would have to work day shifts on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I am off every other Tuesday but always work Wednesdays so I had to talk to my mom about watching the boys on those days. Thank goodness she is able to help out so he can get this job. Hopefully.
I am very, very tired from working excessively and trying my hardest to be happy for the holidays. There are way too many grumps out there this time of year, and I will NOT let them suck me into their misery. Nope, no way, not this year. I will be happy if it kills me, dammit! LOL.
Seriously, I guess it could always be worse. I could be all alone on the holiday. Instead I have more than enough people to spend Christmas with. Shoot, I couldn't get rid of them if I tried. Not that I would try. Well, I might appreciate a lonely quiet day here and there, I'll be honest.:)

If I do not write again before December 25th...

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!

What I want for Christmas...

Is to have all of my bills paid up to right now. What a relief that would be to have all of our credit cards, medical bills, and miscellaneous bills paid off. I have started not even opening certain bills because I can't pay them anyway.
As you can tell I am feeling a little blah today. I am tired. Tired of working and working and working and still barely making ends meet. Tired of David not having a job( he's tired of that,too) Tired of all of the phone calls from creditors. Tired of all of the threatening letters from companys' attorneys. Tired of not seeing my boys for a couple days at a time since I am doing double shifts. Tired of not being able to buy any Christmas presents for the boys. Just plain tired.
My therapist told me I need to find a positive thing about everything negative but sometimes it's quite difficult.
1. We are all healthy-thank goodness for that!
2. I have a job- I was not ( and will not) be affected by any recessions or lay offs. I will always have a job.
3. My boys are cute and happy as can be- that's gotta count for something.
4. David is a good house husband and daddy.

There. Four positive things about my life.

a special Elf dance for my sister...

Enjoy, Fonda!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1317107702

By special request...

A new improved version of the soon to be famous Elf Yourself dancers..

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1314714229

Fa la la la and stuff

Today we got a Christmas tree, a lovely and sappy frasier fir. Seth, I think, was more thrilled about it than any of us. He was so very eager to decorate the tree, so we would give him one ornament at a time for him to hang up and after a few ornaments we checked his placement and noticed that he had hung them all on the same branch. So we have a bare tree with four ornaments hanging off of a bottom branch. Eh, so he's not going to be a professional Christmas decorator( if there is even such thing).

So we helped him out- but then he would remove the ornaments and place them all on one branch again.

But you should have seen us at Home Depot when we got the tree: we got one of the race car shopping carts so we could fit both boys in it. It has a place at the back where two kids can sit and there is a little steering wheel for each kid to play with.

Both boys loved it. David and I were traying to find excuses to look at more things in the store since the boys were enjoying it so much. We got alot of "Awww, that's so cute" from other customers.

What can I say, my boys just have cuteness oozing out of them. Boogie noses and all.

Hey, I try my best to wipe their noses a thousand times a day but they keep running and running. Poor guys.

Even more pics...

Some random photos of the boys...

David's going to hate me for this...

But I think it's pretty darned funny. Have a laugh on me..

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1249498963

John Lennon Watching The Wheels

Now that George Harrison memorial week is over I will beging John Lennon memorial week.
John was shot and died on Dec. 8,1980. 27 years ago-I was about 3 years old.
Anyway I had a difficult time trying to decide which John Lennon song to choose since I like so many.This one has alot of old movies of John and his son, Sean. Wasn't Sean a cutie? RIP John

Ugh! The "Crud" has taken over the Dreyer house.

We are all quite sick and miserable. Trust me, it is not at all pleasant to wipe noses as much as I have done in the last two days. And the poor kids' noses are sore and they hate it anyway-but I won't let them run around with snotty noses.
Sean's appetite has been affected, but only very slightly-instead of being hungry all day he's is hungry only most of it. And Seth is hardly eating anything at all. God help him, I don't know how that boy continues to exist. He certainly doesn't act or look like a kid that eats as little as he does. maybe he got tired of fighting Sean for food, ha ha.
The "crud" is what someone at work named this cold. It isn't horrible but it just makes you feel cruddy for a few days. Stuffy nose, sore throat, cough and hoarseness seem to be major symptoms. It's Sean's first cold and he's actually being quite a trooper about it. Seth on the other hand wanted to go to the doctor as soon as he developed a sore throat. He couldn't quite understand that he has to simply wait for it to run it's course. He the started to make up excuses why he needed to go to the doctor, " Mom, my teeth are broken" or even " My arm is broken".
Seth has been whiny and cranky for days now. I was about ready to sell him to gypsies today but decided that I have invested far too much money in him in the last three years to send him off now. Might as well keep him around-he is awfully cute and all. People say that he looks like me.:)
It's always something in this house. I heard a song today that had some lovely advice in it: "Breathe, just breathe"
I will.

Disclaimer: please read before proceeding.

Do you ever people watch at the mall and think to yourself ," What was she thinking?!" when you see the very large woman with the spandex pants on. Or the little old lady with the purple tinted hair. Or the woman that brings her kid to the grocery store in merely a diaper.
Yes, we all judge others, it' simply human nature. Everyone does it. My friend, Marva, always notices people shoes and the condition of their feet. When she's around you'd better hope you don't have any scaly dry skin on your heel and any fungally toe nails when you wear your sandals!
But she would never tell the person to their face that they have ugly feet. Just like you wouldn't ever tell the large woman that her spandex pants look horrible or the purple hair is not cute on an elderly lady. At least I hope not!
Because not any person I have met is without fault or some type of dysfunction in their life so, really, it's not your job ( or mine) to make decisions about other adult people lives. Spandex pants are a very obvious thing but many, many more people have more hidden issues that are not as obvious but, nonetheless, just as judgeable ( is that even a word?).
My life has many faults and I never claimed to be perfect, actually from what I know of many people close to me , I am not all that different from most people. Most people, no matter how "normal" they seem have some family or personal dysfunction in their life.
I do not have secrets. I don't mind sharing my innermost thoughts with anyone who reads this. Maybe it makes someone feel better about their life to know my problems. Maybe it helps someone realize that they are not alone in feeling a little sad or angry at times. Emotions aren't anything to be ashamed of.
I hope my story will have a happy ending in the long run but every life has many uphill struggles in order to get there. I am still enduring my struggle but all things must pass, eventually.
Please, just please, don't insist on telling me all of the problems with my life. I know already. If I didn't ask for any advice, I don't need it.
Thank you and please continue to visit my blog. I appreciate your concern.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

November 29 will be 6 years since George Harrison died so I am posting this song in trubute. One of the most beautiful songs ever.:)
RIP George

Band Camp 2007 Seether

I found this video of a Seether song recorded on Friday night . It was recorded probably on someone's phone, and certainly is not my favorite Seether song, but nevertheless-I was there and I saw them while this person was recording this. Enjoy! Wish you could have been there!

Bandcamp 2007!!!!!!

Friday night David and I were kid free but very, very cold. We attended the second "Bandcamp" concert put on by a local radio station. When a concert comes to this lame ol' town we certainly don't want to miss out so we made sure to be there!
Heather got to our house around 4:30PM or so and off we went- we arrived just before Drowning Pool came on. Eh, I guess they were okay-but I enjoyed Finger Eleven and Seether. Both bands were really great and we had alot of fun watching them play. David especially enjoyed Seether. We saw a little of Breaking Benjamin but weren't too impressed, so we left.
It was freaking cold anyway! By that time my feet were numb and my fingers wanted to fall off. I guess I am not cut out for frigid temperatures!
Then I worked 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday and 8 today so it's merely an understatement to say I am worn out!
Besides, do you realize what a horrible feeling it is not to see your kids for two days?! I left while they were asleep and got home after they went to bed.
I missed them so much, it breaks a mother's heart to miss her kids like I did. It makes me sad to work so much but I have to do it.
David did wonderfully, he kept them alive all by himself and he even made sure the house was realatively clean and laundry was done. :)

Monsters are everywhere!

I presume that would be the title of the song that Seth made up today because he kept singing it over and over. It was actually a cute song. He got out his little guitar and pretended like he was playing it as he sang. And danced.
Then he buit a "creepy house" out of pillows and a comforter in which he claimed a "creepy witch" lived in. Then he got out all of his muppets and claimed that they were all of his friends and they lived in the creepy house with him and the witch.
Seth doesn't lack imagination-that's for sure.
Sean on the other hand- is apparently starving. Or you might think so to see this kid eat. He chows down food like it is going out of style. But he's not fat, just big! If I put three Fruit Loops in front of him he will immediately cram them all in his mouth at once and start banging on his highchair tray for more food.
At the same time Seth is on a hunger strike, it seems. I guess that the money that I save on Seth's food is evened out by the massive amounts of food that my mutant second son consumes.
I think that Sean can crawl about as fast as Seth can run. I wish that I had an ounce of the energy that these kids have.
They look like little angels when they sleep- but I know better.;)

Anxiety and the chiropractor

No, I don't have anxiety about the chiropractor. I simply feel that the chiropractor visits are easing the tension and pain in my neck and shoulders that has been caused by many years of anxiety. I can't imagine what may have contibuted to that...
I had myself adjusted again today and I really feel a difference! My shoulders and neck feel normal for once! Many times over the years different massage therapists have attempted to knead out the mnay knots in my shoulders without success, so it's nice to finally have some results.
The problem is that as soon as my muscles and bones feel good again I get all anxious about something and become tense again. So I have scheduled an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss some new options for dealing with my massive anxiety.
Yep, I am a nut. I have known this for many years but my mind doesn't seem to work the same as "normal" people's do. Out of seemingly nowhere I will develop an anxiety attack-shortness of breath, chest tightness, feeling of dread in my stomach, sometimes lightheadedness if I began to hyperventilate. Fortunately this does not happen often. But lately it seems like it's more frequent.
Could it be because David is out of a job? Maybe because bills are always piling up and creditors call every day? Maybe because I am trying to work many hours and take care of my boys also when I am home?
Maybe..just maybe, all of the above.
I am sure many people around me simply laugh off my odd behaviors since most of the time I try to be very pleasant. I love to make people laugh. I love to laugh, but sometimes I can't quite pull it off.
The Zoloft is very effective but I think the Lexapro would be better at dealing with my anxiety. Zoloft is more for depression, I believe. I also would like some anxiety medication I can take on an "as needed" basis such as Xanax or Ativan or something. I really, really, hate the way it feels when I am so anxious.
Ha ha, the psychiatrist's receptionist has been the same since I first went to him almost 10 years ago so he always remembers me. As I was making my appointment he asked how the baby was. I suppose it's sad when the employees at the psych office know you that well. I guess that it helps that David goes there too to get medicine for his anxiety issues. ( No, they are not caused by me-they have been there for many years)
I how I wish I was normal. I hope my boys are, unfortunately I don't think their chances of being mentally stable throughout their life is looking very optimistic. Darned genetics..

Def Leppard - Hysteria

Today I am reliving my young days as an obsessive rock fan and I thought I would share a slice of those days. This video is circa 1988 and I still think Def Leppard's "Hysteria" is one of the best albums ever made. Seems like so very long ago....

The amazing tale of Jennifer and the chiropractor

My neck has been so sore for three days now. Let me tell you that it is a pain in the butt(or neck, ha ha) to back out of a parking spot with a stiff neck. My body doesn't twist enough to compensate for the loss of movement in my neck, I assure you.
David scheduled an appointment for me to see the chiropractor. He figured that I needed to be adjusted a little.
At the office I was sent to sit in a tiny room with a little stool in one corner, a table with some equipment in the another and in the center was an odd, mechanical table that was turned up on end. Quite an intimidating table I have to admit. The Dr. came in and asked me to stand while he checked my neck and back and then had me step onto ( into?) the table face forward while he lowered the table into a horizontal postion. He then told me a girl was going to come put some therapy on me.
First, she put a four little stickers on my upper back and hooked it to the TENS unit. Kinda looked like she was setting up to do an EKG on my back if you ask me.
Then she turned the thing on creating this odd, slightly annoying tingling sensation all around my shoulders and upper back. I really found it irritating to be honest. I was glad when it was through. She then put all of this conduction gel on my upper back and did an ultrasound which felt very nice. Like a cool massage. Then she got out this industrial strength massager that she ran over my entire body. I really liked that.
The next part was where the Dr. came in and cracked my neck and back. I didn't like that so much. A bit scary and a little painful. He sure talked an awful lot, I was afraid he wouldn't be paying enough attention and paralyze me or something. Or break my neck, even.
Then he massaged my neck a little.
All that must have done the trick because I have to say that I feel so much better. My muscles feel much looser and even though I still have some achiness left it's not nearly as much as it was.
ahhhhh...I love a happy ending!

Oh did I mention I got a new stove? This week hasn't been all bad I suppose. :)

This is the reason why everybody needs a sister.

My next paycheck has three days of overtime pay on it so I felt like I deserved a little something to make myself feel better. I thought maybe I would have some cool highlights done in my hair.
So I called my sister to ask who her hairdresser is and explained why. She proceeded to list all of my redeeming qualities and why I shouldn't have to have my hair done to feel good about myself.
She's very sweet. Sometimes it takes someone outside looking in to see what is right under your nose.
I am sure I could have worded that much better but Sean likes to play this game called " Let's see how loud I can scream". I don't really like this game.

What's wrong with me anymore?

At times I feel like I am not part of the world. It's as if I am merely observing it going on all around me. I simply go through the motions and do what I have to.
I am so, so tired and my stomach feels nervous, like I am awaiting my turn to make a presentation in front of a large group of people. Only it's much of the day. Alot of the time I don't feel very hungry. I simply pick at my food because I know I have to consume something in order to exist.
Today I felt like taking a shower required an excessive amount of effort, I didn't want to go throught he trouble. ( But don't worry, I made myself do it anyway. If only for the comfort of my coworkers and patients)
I don't even have the energy to be mad at David anymore. No sense in beating a dead horse anyway. What's done is done, right? ( What a dumb expression-who would beat a dead horse? eww) I try not to let my irritation fester beacuse it doesn't help anything. I need to forgive and forget. But I can't help but feel so disappointed in him. So very disappointed.
I know only time will heal this and I am being ridiculous to let the whole job situation eat at me but I feel as if he let me down. I got him that job and he got himself fired. Maybe that's why I am taking this so personally.
If he really respected me he would have behaved himself and not gotten fired. That's not fair, I know. He does respect me. I think.
I feel like I want to take some time and just be alone. Just a day, maybe, to collect my thoughts and get it all together. I think I would like some extra sleep as well. That certainly wouldn't hurt.
I apologive for the depressing mood of this blog. It simply reflects my feelings right now. Perhaps when I awaken in the morning I will feel refreshed to an extent. I certainly can hope.

Seth's first trip to the hospital

Seth and I went to Toys R Us yesterday where he decided that he wanted to live. When it was time to go he became very upset and was trying to run away from me while I was holding his hand. Then he cried all of the way home and then when we dressed him in his PJS and while he was in bed he continued crying.
Finally I went in there and he explained that he couldn't move his right arm. And it hurt with any movement.
To the ER we went. :(
He was diagnosed with Nursemaid's elbow- or elbow dislocation- that was simply repaired by the Dr. popping it back in to place. Seth was such a good boy. I was proud.
He's good as new now.

I guess the drama will end now.

David was fired. But fortunately, the 16 year old was fired as well. I am not too pleased and it is an understatement to say I am disappointed in him. I am wavering between anger and sadness and anger again.

Oooooooh, 16 year olds make me livid!!

I guess I should be more specific since I am certain there are many good, decent 16 year olds out there.
Remember the girl that was in love with David? Last night at work he was out in the parking lot in the car with a beer. All of the work was done and he was waiting to clock out. This girl comes out and sits in the car all upset over something. David left her in the car alone while he went in to do something and apparently she drank some of the beer, unbeknownst to him.
Well, once her father picked her up he must have smelled alcohol on her and she told him that David gave her a beer so the father called the nursing home administrator to complain that he was going to have David arrested for contributing to a minor. So David will likely lose his job. If not get arrested.
Now there are several lessons to be learned here and I have already discussed them with David
1. Never ever drink on the job. Technically David wasn't clocked out yet so he shouldn't have doing that anyway. But alcohol has this hold on David and I married him knowing that.
2. Listen to your wife, she's might just be right. I advised David not to speak to this girl anymore since I thought it would just lead to trouble. I took her as a crazy 16 year old girl that could not be trusted. David said she was his friend. Unfortunately I was right.
3. Don't think that because someone is your friend that they won't turn on you. that's exactly what she did and now David is in a mess because of her.

If David loses his job, who cares? It's a low paying job and he could get another. Now I know he will never talk to her again. Last night she was talking about suicide and David was concerned. Now he said he could care less what she does. I don't feel bad for her in the least. I just wish David was a bit wiser at choosing friends.

Seth, a boy of many names.

This kid has quite the imagination, today he was running around announcing that he was Bob the builder, "I will fix it!" he yelled. For some odd reason he had insisted on wearing these elbow length red gloves that I had from an old Halloween costume. Does Bob the builder wear gloves? Anyway, it was cute. He was fixing our walls. I don't seem to notice a difference but I suppose the thought is what counts. :)
Later on in the evening he announced he was a beaver. I simply don't know where that came from.
Other days he's a robot, or superman, a cat, a dog, even a baby. It's quite difficult to keep track of who he is throughout a day.

Sean has three teeth now and is almost "cruising" the furniture. Thank goodness he finally figured out how to get down from a standing position without falling on his head. Now he puts his hands down so he falls into a crawling position. He can sort of sit but he just doesn't remain in one place long enough to sit for any length of time. He is the happiest baby I have ever known. He loves to laugh, but so does Seth.
Anytime Seth hears anyone laugh he asks, "What's so funny?"
I always tell him" You're funny!" and he laughs. He'll probably develop a complex one day but we'll worry about tthat when the time comes.

Meanwhile, David and I work excessively. Him at home and me at work. I picked up another shift on Sunday so that will be a total of 24 hours of overtime. My next paycheck should be nice. But I am exhausted. I feel like I need more sleep- even when I first wake up. No one ever said life was easy!

Saosin - You're Not Alone Video

I just saw this video today and I like it.

48 hours

48 hours is how many hours I worked in the last 4 days. 32 of them being on Saturday and Sunday. Yes, I agree, double shifts are exhausting-but the paycheck sure is nice. It really is sad not to see my boys for two whole days though. I feel like a piss poor mom, but at the same time maybe I am a good mom because I work so hard to make sure they have a roof over their head and food to eat?
Some days I feel as if I live at my work. Good thing I don't mind my job.
David thinks I am writing about him in my blog so I am going to prove him right.
How can people get so worked up over football? He yells at the TV when his team screws up and claps and cheers when they score. Each time it scares the crap out of me because I don't know when he will begin to yell. I want to say. "It's a stinkin' game, for Pete's sake!" but I am sure he is aware of that so I will hold my tongue until football season is over.
Does "football season" mean I can go hunting and killing footballs because, trust me, I will!

Seth's "scary movie"

I discovered this band on Perez Hilton's site and actually find it quite catchy. It's an Australian band called "Operator Please" and Seth likes to watch the video over and over referring to it as a "scary movie". It's really not too bad a song for a bunch of teenagers.

Please, please buy my husbands hunk of crap.....

It's littering my lawn! David's truck is far too expensive for us to maintain. It needs a little work and we just can't keep up with it-David's is a little ,um, mechanically challenged. Besides the gas mileage is terrible.
So he has placed it in the newspaper to sell so that we can hopefully unload the thing and but my friend Tammy's Honda Civic so David wouldn't be stranded at home every day.
So far, not one call.
We are a little sad.
If you are in need, please give me a call. It's big and roomy and is 4x4. So that has to count for something, right? Unfortunately we can't afford to give the thing away so you'll have to pay the couple grand we spent to buy it in the first place. The money is going to a good cause, think of it that way.

Double, double, toil and trouble.

Is that how the line is supposed to read? Forgive me if I am incorrect but Shakespeare simply bores me to tears..
I did my double shift yesterday and what a long, long day it was. It wasn't helped by the fact that I felt as if someone was playing drums from inside my skull. I foolishly took something for the excruciating pain in the middle of the night on an empty stomach- dumb idea. I spent much of the morning very nauseated and more than once had to quickly and rudely walk away from my patient so I could go throw up. Ew, what a horrible morning. I did end up feeling better and was able to take an Excedrin Migrane that someone had given me that did the trick. Thank God! I spent the rest of the shift feeling like a brand new woman! I think the caffeine in it helped pep me up as well. I definitely appreciated that side effect.
Now I have agreed to work two doubles this weekend so I will be very, very busy and most certainly will be hating my existence on Monday morning as I head off to work my 5th shift in 3 days.
But the paycheck will be nice and I might as well get the hours while I can.

Many days I feel awfully sorry for myself because I work so hard and never seem to have enough $$. Will Sean and Seth resent me some day because I was working so much? I know first hand that absence makes one's heart fonder beacuse I miss them so much when I am at work. I hope they will understand one day.

Hot water: good, cold water: bad

We had a new hot water heater installed. And we had a plumber friend do it so it was much cheaper than it should have been. Hallelujah, especially since we barely had the money for the cheap price.
Now if only Calgon could take me away to a nice hot, bubble bath with some candles.....
The boys are extra cranky today. Actually the patients at work were a little extra crazy today so maybe there is a weird moon phase going on.
Maybe the whole world has gone nuts.
In any case- a super big thank you to Anthony for installing the hot water heater. There are good people in the world. :)

Unpopular Mechanics

Yesterday David's truck broke down on the way to work. Marva took me to work so he could have the car for Seth's Dr. appt. When we pulled up at the house this afternoon, I found it odd that a hose was draining water from my garage while David threw various wet objects onto the driveway.
Yep, the hot water heater died. We knew it would happen one of these days. Now we have to find a way to purchase and install a new one for as cheap as possible.
Either that or I could continue to have David boil water for our baths like he did this evening. Ha ha, I felt like we were a poor farm family 100 years ago.
I don't enjoy these bumps in the road.
Seth and I bonded over doing some cleaning and painting in our wet, messy garage. He was a mess-still has some paint in his hair actually.
You know, as frustrating as this past year has been, one day when I am old and tired and lonely, I will miss these days of my life. Empty bank account and all!

Seth's appointment went well. He is in the 25% for everything-he's just a small kid. But he's developing normally and they were very impressed at how well spoken he was. Apparently he made the comment that he wanted to see the Dr. because he was sick *cough, cough*
Yes, he actually did fake coughs.
He was very brave when they checked his hemoglobin- the results, of course, were normal.
All is well.

If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again.

Sean personifies this lovely quote. Not in a way that comforts me though.
He wants to stand so badly and he pulls up on anything anywhere in order to do it. Unfortunately, he falls down alot. Much of the time he falls backward and bonks his noggin.
I hope this child has a full head of hair throughout his life because I feel like his head will be very dented at this rate. Nothing so sad as a dented child. So far he just has some bruises.
I figure if all boys were seriously mentally damaged from the amount of bumps and falls and blows to the head they receive then all men would be running around with a few marbles missing upstairs if you know what I mean.
Actually this theory might explain quite alot.

I was driving yesterday when some person slammed on their brakes in front of me causing me to stop quickly- I was probably following too closely, knowing myself. All of the sudden Mr. driving expert Seth yells out ,"Hey what's that all about!"
The backseat driving begins early ,I guess.

"Is it any wonder" by Keane

Is the name of my new MySpace profile song.
And I do believe that Seth loves it almost as much as he loved David's punky rendition of "Margaritaville".
Anytime I play it Seth goes nuts, dancing and bopping his little head all around. Yes, he has about as much rhythm as a little white Irish boy- but he couldn't help that. He had about a 50/50 chance of has some rhythm. Maybe there is still a chance.
http://www.myspace.com/jjdreyer

Bad Ju Ju

Originally I thought David called her "Bad Choo Choo". I wondered why he was referring to the "16 year old" as a bad train.
In any case, she is a dangerous sort, I think. Apparently the fact that he's a married 34 year-old guy with two small children doesn't seem to phase her. Even the fact that I work at the same facility as she does.
She must be a complete idiot because even when I was 16( long, long ago) I knew better than to mess with married men. Besides, I didn't want an older guy with kids anyway-too much baggage.
But she's developed a crush on David. He's quite flattered but also a bit disturbed. It's making him feel uncomfortable to go to work when he knows she'll be there. He knows she could get him in trouble.
I hate to use the "j" word but perhaps that is what drove me to talk to his supervisor about it. Her behavior is absolutely not conducive to a professional work environment. Harmless flirting is one thing but I think she has gone beyond that into potentially harmful territory. I think this girl needs to put the brakes on this crush she calls love and start talking with guys her own age that aren't married to me.

I finally got my pics developed- take 2...

I finally got my pics developed...

He'll stand but he won't sit?

Only my child would be so backwards. Sean refuses to sit. Of course, If he's sitting supported by something he will do it. But he can't (won't) sit solo unsupported. But he's getting closer and closer to true crawling every day. He's quite proficient at the army crawl though.
Sean has to be involved in everything. So while Seth was bathing, Sean scooted up to the tub and lifted himself on his knees so he could peek over the edge. Apparently that wasn't good enough because he was able to pull up to a standing postion as he tried to put his hand in the water. He didn't stand for an excessive length of time but he did it again a couple times so it wasn't an isolation incident.
At least if he won't sit he'll be able to stand wherever he goes. Might make it difficult for him to drive though. And lets hope he doesn't break a leg one day. They don't make wheel chairs that accomodate the standing postion, he'd have to travel by stretcher.
Eh, maybe he'll get the hang of it eventually.

A doughnut with paint on it?!

Seth and I had bagel and cream cheese at dinner tonight. It's never a dull meal when he's around, I assure you! First off, while I was toasting the bagel he was singing to Sean, " a bagel, a bagel, a bagel!" Of course, Sean found this very hilarious.
Then while Seth was eating the bagel he decided that it looked like " a doughnut with paint on it".
After their baths they played in Sean's room and I thought they were cute enough to photograph for all eternity. It didn't work out like I expected. Of course, they were both very smiley when they saw the camera but not for the typical reasons. Seth wanted to take the camera so he could "click" pictures of Sean and Sean simply wanted to consume the camera. I had to photograph them from a standing postion so they couldn't get my camera.

Just another day iin my life. Pretty soon I will hop into bed and sleep a little so I can get up and take care of people all day again. At least I get paid for the first eight hours. But the boys are far more delightful than the cranky elderly people at work. But enough about my coworkers.
Speaking of cranky elderly people, David just got home from work. :) Seriously, I love him.

Why is Saturday night alright for fighting?

Because I rather like Saturday. I'd rather not fight. Today was a good one, as far as days go.
I had a good time with my boys. We were all in good moods so the day was quite pleasant. Usually someone is cranky-probably me- so it ruins the general happiness throughout the house. Seth was a good boy all day. Honestly, he did not do one thing to try to destroy the house in any way today. He played well with Sean ( They are so cute together!) and he even played happily alone while I cleaned a little bit and did laundry.
When Sean awoke from his afternoon nap Seth made sure to bring it to my attention. I told him I would get him in a couple minutes-it sounded like Sean was playing contentedly so I thought I would let him be for a few.
Seth insisted that he wanted to go in and play peek-a-boo with Sean. I told him to go ahead. So he goes in while I waited in the bedroom. Throught he monitor it sounded like they were playing happily. When I went in I saw that Seth had climbed into the crib with Sean and they were playing together. I told Seth to get out but couldn't help but smile as I said it.
It was too cute.

Yardwork-Dreyer style take 2 ( or My son is a cow)

I dragged the boys out to weed the yard again. I set Sean out on a blanket with some toys while Seth and I weeded. Sean didn't stay on the blanket long, he wanted to eat the grass and seemed to enjoy mouthfuls of dirt. I guess it's a good thing I don't use pesticides on my lawn. No one in their right mind could accuse me of that( Have you SEEN my lawn?)
Inside the house he scoots himself toward the cat food bowl quite frequently. Why-oh-why does he want to eat cat food so badly? If I remember correctly, and it's possible that I am incorrect, Seth preferred to roll the cat food pieces across the floor rather than eat them.
My kids are strange.

Today Seth, Sean and I were playing in Seth's room when we heard some sirens. Seth immediately got all excited and I was able to pick him up just in time to see the fire truck and ambulance go by on the street behind our house. An hour later we see THREE state troopers across the street -they remained there for hours! According to our next door neighbor, the guy across the street got into a domestic dispute with his wife or girlfriend and he got into his big blue SUV to leave and she got in front of the truck...I think you know where this is going. He ran her over. Apparently they had to land a helicopter in the local church parking lot so they could fly her out to a trauma center. I'm guessing Tampa.
Unfortunately we had no clue that the fire truck and ambulance were right across the street from us after they went by the rear of our house. Seth would have liked to see the fire truck up close. But at the same time I wouldn't want him to have seen the lady since I am sure she was badly bloodied and all.
I guess my putting my hand through a window isn't half as bad as running over your spouse and mother to your children. Yikes, I don't feel as bad now.

I love Dayquil

I did a double Friday and then on Monday. Fortunately I had the weekend in between off because I had a nasty cold. It sucked big time, but I was determined not to call off so I wouldn't lose my overtime. Physically I did not feel too poorly. I just had a slight cough and a snotty nose.
Saturday was David and I's 6th anniversary. I know,I know..why would anyone put up with me for 6 long years. I have no clue. He must be a glutton for punishment. In any case, I appreciate him sticking around. He's really awesome and I have it made. He makes dinner in the evening, watches the boys in the day and even washes the dishes and makes the beds while I am working.
I love him.
Heather came over to watch the boys while we went to Visani to eat. We had a lovely meal and then watched a comedy show. I have seen funnier comedians, but I also was feeling lousy that day so that may have affected my sense of humor somewhat. In my present state of health, perhaps it would have been funnier.
Sunday we went to a barbecue at my dad's house. My whole family was there and we had a great time. My dad seemed to really enjoy little Sean. I kept offering to take him but Dad was managing fine with him. Sean was quite happy and content with good ol' grandpa. They even rocked together for awhile and the little guy fell asleep sitting on Dad's lap. It was so cute, I only wish I had a camera to get a picture of the two of them.
I stopped at the pharmacy with the boys and didn't realize until I got home that I didn't get the "non-drowsy" cold medicine so my brother and his girlfriend were kind enough to bring me some so I didn't have to drag the boys to the store again. they were sinply too much the first time. Note to self- when shopping for cold medicine,next time go solo.

David and I dyed our hair last night and mine came out awful! I don't know if the highlights I had done in may were especially resistant to the hair dye or what but my hair is a couple different colors, and not in a cool looking way. Next week I will get more hair dye and try again. David's looks good. It's like a dark auburn color. Mine is a nice red near the roots but many of the highlighted streaks didn't even take so I still have alot of blond. Bleh.

My super size baby

At 6 months Sean is still in the 75% for everything. He is 27 inches long and almost 17 lbs. He got a few shots today and a prescription for Triamcinolone cream. Apparently he has eczema, poor kid. He is healthy and doing well. But the Dr. thinks he should be sitting up- and he's not. Just scooting all around. Which he shouldn't really be doing yet. He's a little early with that, I think.

The sweet story of the brothers Dreyer.

While Seth bathes I usually plop Sean in the tub as well. I have to hold him up with one hand while I wash him but it's more convenient for me. Seth always loves it, he thinks Sean can play in the tub with him. The other day he tried to give Sean a toy,"Play with me" he requested. Obviously the little guy was clueless but smiled anyway because he loves anything his brother does. Then Seth but his arm around my neck and Sean's and said " Friends, we are all friends!"

Domo arigato, Mr. Destructo

If there was a contest for how quickly a small child could destroy a small house ,my son would win, hands down! All it takes is a short visit to the facilities for him to find something he shouldn't get into and completely create a disaster. And the thing is, he knows what he should and shouldn't do because many times he will try to close the door and say "Go away, Mom" if he knows that there is something in the room that he wants to get into. I have learned this by making the mistake of actually going away for a few minutes when he has done this.
Sometimes I feel as if poor Sean gets gypped in the attention department since we spend all day cleaning up after Seth. Remember when the tasmanian devil would turn into the tornado and deestroy everything in his path? Well, that's Seth.
Boundless energy with no where to burn it off since it's 120 degrees out. The kid would end up with heat stroke after 5 minutes.
Anyway, we did all go to Mamaw's on Friday evening and ate roast and mashed potatoes. Seth and I really enjoyed it. Seth and sean also played pretty hard and slept wonderfully that night. We probably wore out Mamaw, but she enjoyed seeing the boys. She wants to see Sean more because when he doesn't see someone in a period of weeks he gets shy when he sees them again and cries.
Sean is trying and trying his hardest to crawl he rocks forward and back on his hands and knees, almost like he's building momentum, and then he lurches forward to move. And then does his half drag/ half army crawl thing. Hey, it seems to work for him.
Boys are hungry, time to feed the starving boys, you'd think they never ate before by the way they carry on!

And I shall call him "Scooter"

Because that it what he does, you see. He kind of wiggles and scoots himself around now and does pretty well. The kid can really cover some area with his semi-limited mobility. He frequently gets up on his hands and knees and rocks and rocks back and forth but can't seem to figure out the crawling thing yet. He has already become proficient at his odd wiggle/scooting maneuver so I am sure he will crawl soon.
I thought they were supposed to sit before they crawl? Sean isn't so great at the sitting thing. He can sort of prop himself on his arms but he quickly fall to the side.
And he has also joined the world of the toothed (teethed?) since he now has two little teeth on the bottom of his mouth. Poor kid. Oddly enough, he isn't so grumpy as I would expect him to be. He is generally an easy going kid. Thank goodness.

My ugly scar

The skin in the center of my scar is very pink and there are several pink spots surrounding it where the sutures were. It looks quite horrible so I guess my arm modeling days are over. Such a waste. Boo hoo.
My grandmother is peeved that it scarred so much, she thinks the Dr. should have done a better job suturing. Doesn't bother me as much I guess. I have the reminder of my stupidity my my arm for eternity. I deserve it. Fortunately my insurance covered all of the ER visit minus the $100 co pay so that's not too bad.

I could get used to this

" Hop into bed!" I said. And he did. Only he had to be silly first and position himself in every strange sleeping positon ( like upside down with his feet in the air) and say" Like this?"
He's silly.
Finally he got into bed correctly and I said goodnight. By the time I got back to the living room little Sean had passed out on the blanket on the floor. Awwwww! So cute.
Anyway this has happened two nights in a row! Both boys going to sleep at the same time. I certainly hope this continues.

Seth: future handyman...

He was poking around the vacuum cleaner making beep, boop, and clicking sounds. I had to ask," What are you doing ,Seth?"
"I'm fixing the vacuum cleaner, it's broken."
I did not know this but at least I know it's fixed now.:)

I think he's been watching "Robots" too much.

Upside down brothers

Remember that lame Nickelodeon show "The naked brothers band" ? Well, my boys will be the Upside down brothers. They both have an odd fascination with being upside down. Seth thinks it hilarious and Sean just laughs and laughs.
Maybe it's just a boy thing. Maybe my kids are strange.
Today while I took a shower Sean lied on the bathroom floor with his toys and turned himself facing the bedroom so he could watch Seth run around in circles in the bedroom. He just giggled and giggled. Sean thinks that everything Seth does is extraordinarily humorous. It's cute now but just wait until Sean tries to copy everything his big brother does... I just better keep my health insurance plan.

Ever have one of those days that you feel like you are second best at everything? Today was my day. I was a lousy overworked nurse with people falling ,dying, and trying to fall all around me. I long for some alone time away from my boys for a little mental health break ( Just 30 minutes would be sufficient-I swear) And I am quite sure I am the worst wife that ever existed. We won't even get into that.
It's safe to say that today just was a bad day and my head hurts.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Speak my mind or lose my mind

Much of the time I opt for the latter since I am not confident that I am correct in whatever the issue is. So I just bottle things up so I don't upset anyone and say something I may regret. People think I am nice and happy. But when I explode, I (obviously) sometimes do damage. Of course, not to any living thing but sometimes a poor, defenseless window gets the brunt of my anger. In my defense, this has happened exactly once. Any other time I screamed or broke a coffee cup. (note to self: breaking coffee cups is less harmful for my health and well being-not to mention the integrity of my skin)
I worked a double shift Sunday and then had to work monday AM as well. So you can imagine I was feeling pretty worn down by the time I got home yesterday afternoon. I found that David had stripped the crib sheets and Seth's bed sheets to wash them but the beds weren't made and the laundry from the previous day was dumped out on the bed awaiting my arrival.
I was a little irritated but didn't want to show it because I thought it was probably petty and I didn't want to upset David.
It really bugged me and ate at me! Fianlly I told David that even though I didn't ask him to put away the clothes I thought he might and it irritated me that he saved them. All he said was " Okay, I'll remember that for next time" or something like that.
Wow, that was easy. This communication thing. I guess ,I should do it more often. But I need to work on listening as well. I hear fine, but sometimes (especially if I have a fussy, hungry 5 month old boy in my arms and a 2 year old climbing on me) I tend to not pay attention as well as I should.

yard work- Dreyer style

I finally got tired of waiting for a day with temps. under 150 degrees to weed the front yard. So after David left for work I set a blanket and a beach umbrella out on the lawn for Sean, and Seth and I went to work. Well, it was mostly me working. He would pick up the odd item found in the yard and swat me with it. For instance, he found one of those plastic things that attach to a flower pot so you can hang it from your roof eaves, I don't kow where he got it but I got smacked in the head a couple times. He thought it was funny. Me, not so much.
Well, between beatings from my two year old son, I actually accomplished some weeding. Seth helped to scub out the bird bath. Sean just rolled around on his blanket.
Eventually we were all overheated and we came inside. We all had matching pink cheeks.
Sean quickly sucked down a bottle and promptly fell asleep while Seth announced." I want sumpin'!" Which is his lovely way of saying he's hungry.
I told him I was going to make Bagel Bites but he was peeved that I was going to cook them first. He seems to think that everything should just come out of the fridge ready to eat. I guess i'll think twice about going to his house for dinner in 20 years.
He didn't want to wait ,so while I used the facilities, he got up on a kitchen chair and opened the loaf of bread and took a slice. At least, he put the loaf away where he found it. He doesn't get that from his Dad...:)
After we ate I decided he needed to bathe. I think he smeared much of the pizza sauce on his face, I'm not quite sure why.
Next thing I know ,while I was making up his bed he ran down the hallway and grabbed a paintbrush David let him play with and he decided he was going to "paint" the tub with water. It was quite cute, especially since he was humming "Baa Baa Black Sheep" at the time.
He's so weird.

What a good brother!

As I shower I place Sean on the floor in the bathroom with a couple toys while I usually sing songs to him. Seth plays on my bed watching TV. Today I noticed Sean had batted his little soft blocks away from him and he couldn't reach so I said," Aww, you can't reach your blocks!" Seth immediately hopped off the bed saying "I'll get them!" He wandered into the bathroom and picked them up and placed them so Sean could reach. It was very sweet.
Seth didn't like my singing though, as I sang the ABC song to Sean, Seth would come into the bathroom and say " Stop it!".

Only five sutures left

Two of them have come untied and I pulled them out. Tomorrow the remaining ones will come out. David is actually looking forward to removing them actually. My damned wound is looking better but the itching from the skin healing drives me mad. It's all pink and still quite tender and if I have to apply pressure using my right index finger ( ie. spraying a water bottle or squeezing a shampoo bottle) it hurts a bit. David wonders if I came very close to severing a tendon or something.
In any case this week I will be window shopping-literally. I think the window should cost less than $200. Thank goodness it won't set me back too much.

Sean is rolling everywhere and it's quite amazing how far he can move himself just rolling all around. He seems to be constantly moving, arms and legs all over the place. But he's still a porker. He's not excessively fat or anything but he is a big kid. Bigger than Seth ever was so maybe that's why he seems so huge to me. He's already at the length limit for the baby carseat so we are going to have to get a bigger car seat for him soon. We have to get him 9 months size clothes now. Seth always wore the clothes sizes that were close to the age he was at, sometimes even smaller. Seth wear 2T size now but when he first turned 2 he was wearing 18 month size.
We saw Fonda and Jason the other day and they were with Amber, she's 1 but is such a little dainty little thing. Not fragile at all but just cute and little. It seemed like Sean was almost as big as her. I'm sure there is a definite weight and height difference now but I can't imagine it will be too long before he catches up with her. It was neat having the cousins all together. Seth is about 1 1/2 years older than Amber and she is only 7 months older than Sean so thery are all pretty close.

casa loco

There actually is a Mexican restaurant here in town with that name. Someone at work mentioned it and I thought they were just coming up with nicknames for the nursing home!.:)
My sister joked today that next time we go somewhere together she is going to come over and open the door for me so I won't try to get out through the window again. I thought that was very funny. David liked it too.
As Fonda stated if we don't joke about what happened then it's just depressing. Very true.
I told her that now all three siblings have scars from self inflicted wounds. Now we match. Oh, David has one too where he cut himself on his arm.
Mental illness definitely runs in the family, and David's as well.
My poor sons, I might as well get them started on medication now. Ha ha.
My grandmother is the most mentally stable person I know in the family-besides my brother-in-law, but he's not blood related to me-so maybe there is the possibility that my boys will inherit some stability from her side. Maybe I can just try really, really hard not to screw them up. Maybe they'll have a chance.

Let's lighten the mood, shall we?

The other day I was bathing Seth and I decided to plop little Sean in there as well to wash him up really quick. Well, Seth thought that was pretty neat. He had Sean smiling and squealing. He offered Sean his toy boat and placed Sean's hand on it stating, "Play with me" .
I had to tell him that Sean is too young right now but when he's a little older he will play with him in the bath.
Seth calls him "Brother Sean" ,it's very cute. Seth really loves his brother and I see Sean watching Seth alot as well. I think they will be great brothers.

The healing process

I read once that the skin on your hand heals faster that other areas of the body because the skin is constantly being renewed. I find this to be true or else I am simply a fast healer. The small lacerations on my hand and arm are healing very nicely.
My sutured area on my arm is showing less signs of healing but I think that is because of two reasons: Obviously it was deeper and larger than the hand lacerations and also I know that all wounds heal from the inside out. So ,therefore, the healing may not be visible to me but I am sure it is occurring. It does hurt quite a bit but not nearly as bad as my right deltoid where I received that Tetanus injection! My R shoulder still hurts like heck and I have difficulty sleeping at night since I want to sleep on my R side so badly but it hurts too much!
Again, I know I deserve all this inconvenience and pain for what I have done.
I continue to experience alot of anxiety by the end of my day but I try to pop some Tylenol or Advil which helps my pain and calms me a little as well.
I have to admit David is a wonderful human being for dealing with all of my nonsense.
I don't feel depressed at all but I really wish the anxiety would go away! It is simply exhausting. I guess I kind of wish the world wouldn't need so much from me. I am tired of being needed constantly. Obviously, my boys need me. But the elderly and sick people at work always need something. The creditors always call needing something. I wish no one needed me for anything for one whole day. I could take care of my own needs, personal and emotional. How lovely it would be.

THE stupidest thing I have ever done.

My mind was racing and my thoughts weren't even making logical sense. I just felt uncontrollable, mind-numbing, blinding rage. I felt dizzy and nauseous. All of the sudden as I am looking out my front window, time seemed to slow down. I watched my fist hit the window and I was genuinely surprised when it shattered. I saw the glass break but didn't really hear it. I saw the blood but did not feel any pain. At least I had enough sense left in me to apply pressure to the gash in my forearm and pick out the little pieces of glass in my knuckle. But I was still more upset that David wasn't home yet than I was upset that I had smashed a window and bled all over the floor. When David arrived home shortly thereafter, I remember yelling at him that I couldn't go to the mall because he was home late.
He thought I was an idiot for what I had done. And I knew he was right.
So instead of going to the mall we packed everyone up and headed to the emergency room. I almost passed out when I got there because suddenly I felt the pain and had truly realized what had happened. My BP was 80/50 and I wasn't sure if I wanted to faint or throw up. The triage nurse instructed me to do some deep breathing to call me down and I recovered. Then I called my grandmother from there to inform her that I wouldn't be going to the mall because I am a moron. She came up to the hospital to wait with me so David could take the boys home. She even gave David a few bucks to get Seth and him some fast food on the way home. I told her to go but she said she would wait with me. Around 8:30PM as I sat in ER room #13 ( figures..) waiting for the Dr. to stitch me up she even went to Wendy's and got me some food. I am not sure I deserve such wonderful family when I do such stupid things. But I thank God for my family.
I was eager to get stitched up and go home so I could move on past this horrible thing that happened but the Dr. took a while. Finally he came in cleaned out my wound ( I never saw my own fat, or adipose tissue, before, it's a bit yellowish and jelly-like. I hope I never see it again). I think he just cleaned it with sterile saline but it burned like heck. Then he numbed the area around it which was a bit uncomfortable but I guess he did well considering I did not feel him stitching me. Only a little pressure from the skin edges being pulled together. I couldn't watch closely ,even though I was curious, because I thought watching the needle going into my skin might be a little much for me to handle. Mamaw watched though. I expected the Dr. to treat me poorly since I had a self-inflicted wound but he was actually pretty nice and friendly.I ended up with seven sutures in my arm and a tetanus shot. I also have several smaller superficial lacerations on my fingers, hand, and forearm.
So all in all my right arm feels like crap. I cannot lift my arm above my shoulder so it was quite difficult to get dressed and undressed. I was able to work just fine, it was taking care of the boys that put alot of stress on my arm and made it more sore. Oddly enough my back hurts ,too. Maybe during my adrenaline rush I strained it somehow. I deserve this pain I feel. I deserve it 100%.
I just keep thinking "Why?". More serious things have occurred in my life to cause me anger but I never punched a wall or a window. Why over such a minor issue? Why did I let it get at me and eat at me?
David's theory is that I have been supressing my anger lately and did not have an outlet such as my blog, or a friend to confide in. So I boiled over.
So now I am blogging so I can get it all out. I called Tammy to discuss it with her and she gave me some advice. Since my mom doesn't care to listen to my issues I sort of consider Tammy to be my adopted mom. We talk about everything and I appreciate her.
Now I am going to take a warm shower and redress my wound.
I will be calm.

I love being a parent.

As someone who never was a "kid person" for most of my youth I am surprised by how much I really, truly enjoy being a mom. I always wanted kids but I even wondered how well I'd manage. I think I do well. I love, love, love spending time with my little boys and I couldn't imagine life any other way. I actually find myself feeling sorry for people who don't have kids because I feel that they are missing out on alot of joy.
Anyway, I took them to my grandma's yesterday so she could watch them while I went to a Dr. appt. I was so impressed at how good they both were. She just raved about how happy Sean was and how sweet Seth was and how he plays so well all by himself. And, of course, she just loved rocking little Sean. She also claims that Sean resembles my dad when he was a baby. I am not too sure about that but I have seen my dad's toddler pictures and he was about the most adorable little kid you ever saw so if Sean looks like him, that's certainly not a bad thing!

Work has been going well. I actually have alot of good days. Especially when I work with my friend, Marva. She and I laugh alot when we work together. She lives one street over so we carpool to and from work most days so I see her often. She is a hoot. Makes the day go by quicker when you work with people like that.

I AM a good parent!

I worked a double shift yesterday so I didn't see my boys all day long. Or the early part of today either. So when I got home Seth ran to me and gave me a big hug, " I love you, mommy!".
So cute. Sean gave me lots and lots of smiles. He absolutely loves it when I sing to him, especially the ABC song for some reason.
I hate double shifts but it's a little necessary right now and probably will be for a while. I do what I have to do to take care of all my guys.

More Sean pics...

Each day gets a little better

My grandma called me yesterday to talk. She wants to take me and the boys to eat one day. She said that she includes me in her prayers and thinks of me often. It made me want to cry in happiness when she called since I haven't spoken to too many of my family lately. It makes me feels all kinds of warm inside to know that she still loves me. :)

Sean had his 4 month appointment today. He is 26 inches long (75%) and 16 lbs (80%). He is huge!! I am afraid he is too fat but I guess the Dr. wasn't concerned. He's consistently been in the 75% since birth. He had a few vaccinations and received a vaccination for rotavirus which ,I guess, is quite new since I know Seth never had it. Dr. gave us a script for Nystatin cream for his red bum. Dr. thinks it's fungal in nature. ( I could have told him that!) Dr. also suggested that we put moisturizing cream on him every day for his dry skin and uses Selsun Blue on his dry scalp.
But he is healthy and happy and doing well.

More pics...

Some more recent pics of the boys..

Swimming lessons and thunderstorms

David worked today and had to take the car so the boys and I decided to go swimming at the recreation center down the road. Granted I haven't paid my dues in 6 months but I did pay them for 2 1/2 years so I guess I am entitled to use the pool sometimes, right?
Initially Seth was scared , yelling " It's too deep!" but after some time playing on the steps he felt more confident. We played with some toys in the pool and splashed together. I guess it wasn't really "lessons" but he was getting accustomed to being in the pool and we really had fun. I put Sean in the poll as well. I guess he was okay with it. I think he was confused as to what was going on. After a short period of time he was hungry so I gave him a bottle and he fell asleep for the rest of the time we were there at the pool. After about 2 hours I heard thunder so we walked home and everybody got baths and dry clothes so we didn't stink of chlorine.
Then we had a lovely thunderstorm. Sean fell asleep again and Seth layed down in bed for a bit. I did,too.
David got hom,e around 8:30 this evening. He had a side job doing tile for a friend of ours and she gave him $200.00 even though he wasn't done so he could get some groceries and stuff. Apparently he will get $800.00 more when he finishes! But he only charged half price for installation since he will only be able to work in the evenings after today since I work. They even invited all of us over tomorrow evening to watch the fireworks from their house since David would be working but I remember Seth was scared by them last year so I don't think we are going to go.
We actually ordered Chinese as a special treat for ourselves tonight so I am going to enjoy it now. :)

Amanda Beard and I should be twins

After I got out of the shower I was flipping through David's Playboy magazine. Seth walked in and saw the layout of Amanda Beard and said, " Pictures of you Mom?"
Yep, I totally have the body of an Olympic swimmer. Looking at the pics was like looking in the mirror. :)
Gotta love him.

Fonda:1 Migraine:0

Yesterday evening I began to develop the most awful headache. By the middle of the night my entire head was throbbing, my neck hurt, and I was nauseated. I tried to take the last half of a Percocet that David had with a glass of milk but I vomited it up before it had any chance to take effect. (Eww, reminder to self-If I am feeling the slightest bit nauseated-Don't drink milk)
In any case, I called in sick around 2 AM because I had a feeling that I would not be very capable by the morning. I was correct. I tossed and turned but my throbbing head was so horribly painful, nothing made me comfortable. A headache that severe HAD to be a migraine.
Fortunately, David was very sympathetic and let me lay around much of the day while he did the bulk of the child care.
I called my sister to beg for anything that might relieve my pain. I was feeling desperate. I was thinking "At least labor was shorter than this has lasted!" It was probably the 3 rd migraine I have ever had and I am certainly not hoping for a 4th.
Fonda showed up and it was if the clouds had opened and an angel was standing there at my door with a Vicodin with my name on it.
My head is still a tiny bit achey but I can definitely handle it. No more throbbing. I can function yet again.
Thank goodness for prescription drugs!

Sean's a roller now!

He can roll from back to his belly. Now that he can he wants to roll all the time, even in the bath. It sure is a pain in the butt to wash a kid who keeps trying to roll out of his tub.
He sure is a happy guy though. And cute as a button, even if he has two chins and looks like the Michelin man. He's going to catch up with Seth pretty soon. I joked with David that we should put him on Good Start Lite formula! Do they make low fat baby food? I'm totally kidding, I know he needs all that nutrition. And if he's anything like Seth he will become more proportioned once he's up and crawling.

I still haven't spoken to my mom. Apparently my sister isn't allowed over there either per Mom's husband. I guess he made a derogatory comment to my mom and my sister had to defend her. He kicked her out of the house.
It's odd that my mom didn't stand up for Fonda though. It's all weird. What's going on with her? David questioned that at well when I told him the story.
Maybe mom is enjoying some alone time to rest and take care of herself for once? I can't believe that she wouldn't want Fonda and I (and the grandkids!) out of her life?

David is working now. A couple weeks ago he got a job at my work washing dishes in the evening. Not big bucks, but it's something for now. And the hours work perfectly for us. I work 7-3 and he works 4:30 to 8ish. If I pick up any doubles I just have to give the list to the kitchen supervisor and she won't schedule him on that day.

I am feeling better lately. I am glad to enjoy my days again.

Envy

I envy alot of people. I am not proud of this but I look at others and think, " She's so pretty" or " Her hair is so nice and straight and shiny",etc. I've been this way for ages, I am never completely happy with myself and my life. Lately it's more like, " She's has such a good job, I bet she doesn't have to worrry about her bills" or " It must be nice to be able to order lunch every day, I wish I could do that". Or especially, " She seems so together and confident, why can't I be more like that?"
But then a lady at work told me that she envied me.
She asked ," How does it feel to be envied?"
I never in a million years thought anyone would envy me. She has a college education and a good job but she married later in life and never had children. It puts things in perspective for me. Some of the most special things in life cannot be bought or sold. Like family.
Sometimes I feel like selling Seth to the circus though. LOL :)

My dysfunctional life

The following is copied and pasted from a message board I belong to. I posted it late Wednesday 6-12-07. I felt it was significant enough to include in my blog but I just couldn't type all of that, I even left mispellings and punctuation errors. Even re-reading it is very upsetting to me and I still feel like I want to throw up:

"Please no flaming because that is the last thing I need.I was at the mall today and Seth ran away from the play area, I had to chase him but in the process I left Sean in the stroller at the play area. I shouldn't have left him but i wasn't thiking I just wanted to catch Seth before he got out of sight-he moves very fast.Anyway I asked my mom for advice about how to stop this behavior- running away, not listening, talking back, etc. He has been actiing up lately. First off, my mom says I "fucked up" and she would have slapped me for leaving the stroller( ok I deserved that) but then she says that Seth is acting out because we don't give him enough attention and that we are bad parents and we give all the attention to Sean But wait-I am a bad parent to Sean too because I put him on my grandma's bed for a nap the other day and he could have fallen off. (he doesn't roll yet and he's not even close) She says David doesn't pay any attention to Seth while I'm at work because she came over one day and he had a very soggy diaper on. She says that Seth is ALWAYS good for HER even though he fights me to get changed, get dressed, brush his teeth, etc. I am also a bad mom because I told him he was a bad boy at my mom's because he dumped out all of the fish food into the fish tank. Then she says that I should pack him up and she will come get him tomorrow and I shouldn't fight her about the matter. I also might add that she was obviously drunk during this entire conversation. I am so scared she is actually going to try to take him tomorrow and I am doing a double shift so I have warned David not to let her in. I know that even if she called HRS about me they wouldn't let het take him considering she gets drunk daily and she is on disability. But David and I are under alot of stress with him being unemployed and our financial situation.Do you think I should be worried? I am so scared I feel like I want to throw up."

Now I am fortunate that nothing has come of this issue since that day. She hasn't called and certainly hasn't shown up at my house to take my son away from me. I am hoping that it was simply alcohol talking. For many years I have been just trying to avoid my mom when she drinks in the evening and it hasn't been any issue. If I don't really see her that way then I don't have to deal with it. But when she threatens to take my boy I think it's a big problem.
Now my husband enjoys his beer as well. But he's down to two beers a day. By far better than what he used to drink once upon a time. But we also can't afford it either so it's forcing him to cut down ( one of the very few positive things that has come out of us being poor lately) I am proud of him for it.
But( and this is no excuse) David always tolerated his alcohol very well. I cannot even tell when he has been drinking unless it was an excessive amount ( which is once or twice a year)I always remind him to make sure he eats something and paces himself-drinking water inbetween beers as well. And he has taken all of my advice since he loves me. I know I cannot expect him to quit.
My mom cannot handle her alcohol. She turns into a different person. Sometimes argumentative and she always slurs. It makes me very sad.

I know I will not get any brownie points from anyone for writing all of this but I am just so tired of holding it all in. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it except my grandmother.
I am hoping this all blows over. I know my sons love me very much. They are very happy and Seth is very active and social. He loves to laugh and give hugs and kiss boo boos. If David and I were such bad parents I am sure Seth wouldn't be so well adjusted. He will just have to adjust to sharing his parents with his new brother. There is no way around it.

I never thought I would live such a dysfunctional life.

Just breathe

Inhale deeply and let it out slow. When I start to feel very anxious I have to remind myself to do this to calm myself. Or my chest starts to feel very tight and sore. Sometimes I will hyperventilate.
I think I am stronger than I think I am, but it is very frustrating when other people don't help a little. We have to work together sometimes in this life to get ahead. It's no fun to give up things that you enjoy. I know it but it's neccesary. I really think in a couple months things will be a little better but it's hard right now.
I had the cable switched to basic limited with a few family channels. I threatened to turn off the internet but that went over like a ton of bricks.
I just want to save some money for a couple months, not forever, geez!
Why am I the only one making sacrifices?
Even when I am fully rested I still feel tired. My back and shoulders are so tense they ache constantly. I feel so edgy most of the time. I'm tired of it.

Happy birthday to me!

Yes, I am now 30 years old. I spent much of yesterday feeling rather blah and sad about it but after I went to my grandmother's in the evening for dinner-I felt so much better. The food was wonderful and the company was even better. All of my family was there, it was just what I needed to stop me from feeling sorry for myself. My dad got me a tandem stroller for the boys, my sister got me a book and a gift card to Old Navy, Mamaw gave me $30, and my mom is going to take me and Seth to breakfast on Tuesday. I made out well. I can't wait to try out the stroller but I simply did not feel up to going anyewhere today.
Afterward Heather and her sis, Stephanie, watched the boys while David and I went out to have a couple drinks. We had a great time and then came home and chatted with Heather and Stephanie until 2AM. My brother, Sean showed up as well when he got off of work and hung out.
So I saw everyone in my family yesterday. It made for a pretty good day.
It was also my brother-in-law, Jason's birthday ,too. But he's one year younger than me. Every year I am very glad to share my birthday with him. It makes the day a little bit more special, I think. His daughter ( my neice) Amber's birthday was last Friday so birthday's are quite prevalent this time of year. We went to my sister's father-in-law's house for dinner and we all had a good time-I might add both boys slept excellently that night.

I had hoped I would be in a better financial position my my 30th birthday but it was not to be. I am healthy, as is my sons. I have a great family and a good job. A wonderful husband. If I only had financial security everything would be-dare I say-perfect? I just don't want to worry about the bills anymore. I'll get there someday.

I survived my double shift

Damn, I felt like hell when I got home though. My legs and feet were very achy. Of course, my first double shift in years happened to fall on the same day that the state surveyors show up. It's super annoying when I am trying to pass my meds out and the surveyor wants to ask me questions about every resident on the stinkin' hall. Especially on a hallway that I'm not used to so I only know the basics about them. The 3-11 CNAs are morons so that didn't make my day any easier. One of them was trying to tell me that one lady's catheter came off in quite broken English. I simply said "I don't know what you are trying to say, she never HAD a catheter" Apparently her colostomy appliance was overflowing and making a mess so she had to remove it and this CNA wanted me to put on a new one. You don't have to be a brain surgeon to know the difference from a colostomy and a catheter..scary.
The overtime pay will make it all worthwhile though. Next paycheck will have 3 overtime days on it so that should be pretty nice.
David brought Sean into work at my lunchtime since I wouldn't have a chance to see him in a whole day so that was nice. Seth went to my mom's for a few hours so David could get a break. It's wonderful to have so much support from my family. I don't know what I would do without them. That includes you Fonda! :)
David opted not to stay with the other restaurant job so he got a job at my work. It's only about 4 hours in the evenings a few days a week but it's something. He passed the drug test so now we are just waiting for his background check and then they will call with his hours. Of course, his background is clean so we should get a call in the next couple days.
My dad is getting me a double stroller for my birthday on Friday! I am ridiculously excited about this. I even dreamt about it last night. Jewelry? Flowers? I could care less. I'd rather have a gift card so that I could buy stuff for my boys. That includes David, yes he is one my boys.

Thank goodness Sean is easy to please.

Because everything else in my life requires so much effort!
Seth has the energy of five 2 year olds. He's happy as can be but I am too worn out to play all day.
I am working and working as much as I can so I can make a big fat paycheck so I can pay all of my bills. Tomorrow I have signed up for a double shift- 7AM to 11 PM. What a looong day it will be. I am not thrilled but it's a bit of a neccesity these days. I don't even care if neccesity is spelled incorrectly, bleh.
I am trying to keep my sanity as my 30th birthday approaches. I am expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I wish I could postpone my 30th until next year.

If I was rich and famous I think I would check myself into one of those rehab centers the stars go to when they need to recover from " exhaustion". Boy, that would be nice.

About Sean-he is the easiest baby ever! He goes to sleep easily and sleeps very well. He is content to sit in his bouncy seat or swing and watch the worl go by. When he does get a little fussy, he is usually hungry. Give him a bottle and he will suck it down like you wouldn't believe. But he is by no means lethargic or sleepy. He is extremely alert and loves to watch everything going on around him. He loves to smile-he does it alot. When you tickle his chin he will get a huge grin and sometimes he will squeal, especially when David is doing it.
He's a good boy.