At times I feel like I am not part of the world. It's as if I am merely observing it going on all around me. I simply go through the motions and do what I have to.
I am so, so tired and my stomach feels nervous, like I am awaiting my turn to make a presentation in front of a large group of people. Only it's much of the day. Alot of the time I don't feel very hungry. I simply pick at my food because I know I have to consume something in order to exist.
Today I felt like taking a shower required an excessive amount of effort, I didn't want to go throught he trouble. ( But don't worry, I made myself do it anyway. If only for the comfort of my coworkers and patients)
I don't even have the energy to be mad at David anymore. No sense in beating a dead horse anyway. What's done is done, right? ( What a dumb expression-who would beat a dead horse? eww) I try not to let my irritation fester beacuse it doesn't help anything. I need to forgive and forget. But I can't help but feel so disappointed in him. So very disappointed.
I know only time will heal this and I am being ridiculous to let the whole job situation eat at me but I feel as if he let me down. I got him that job and he got himself fired. Maybe that's why I am taking this so personally.
If he really respected me he would have behaved himself and not gotten fired. That's not fair, I know. He does respect me. I think.
I feel like I want to take some time and just be alone. Just a day, maybe, to collect my thoughts and get it all together. I think I would like some extra sleep as well. That certainly wouldn't hurt.
I apologive for the depressing mood of this blog. It simply reflects my feelings right now. Perhaps when I awaken in the morning I will feel refreshed to an extent. I certainly can hope.
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