Who am I to disagree?
Ever have a dream so strange that you can't get it out of your head? I am hoping by documenting my odd dream that it won't remain in my head for me to ponder any longer.
First of all, I dreamt that I discovered that David had an identical twin brother he didn't want me to know about for some reason. Weird. but that wasn't the strangest part.
In my dream, David was a soldier fighting in a war located on some island somewhere. He was away fighting and I was in our house with my mother, father and my son, Sean. Oddly, Seth wasn't in my dream.
The fighting was getting closer to the house and the enemy was throwing these small red colored balls into the house that would explode so we had to get out of the house and run away seeking safety. We found many neigbors who were doing the same thing. We were hiding and the bad guys were getting closer. My dad decided to create a distraction to the enemy so that my neigbors, my mom , Sean and I could get away. So he did. He ran right into the crowd and promptly was caught and killed in a very brutal manner but we got away. He had given his life to save us.
We then found ourselves running into a forest and these people were running at us throwing very, very hot food. Hot dogs to be exact. We were all barefoot for some reson and I stumbled and fell because I stepped on the burning hot dog. I was trampled and killed at this point. But the dream did not end there.
Suddenly I was floating and I realized I was a child again dressed in a pure white dress. I was floating up and up and I was watching below at my mom and Sean very thankful that she was holding him and that they were alright. I knew the future somehow and was aware that they would survive the fighting and also that Sean would grow to adulthood. I also knew what he would look like fully grown.
I also noticed a boy near me and he was dressed in white as well and was floating up,too. It was my dad, but he was a child also. I only recognized him from his childhood pictures!
It was a bittersweet feeling I experienced in the dream. Not all sad actually.
Now isn't that a strange dream? It was the weirdest dream I have had in many years by a long shot.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Seth's Christmas performance.
Yes, my boys seem to love to entertain others. They most ceratinly did not get it from me. I would have spent the first ten years of my life hiding in a room somewhere reading a book if it was up to me. I'm not quite sure if I was (am) simply shy and insecure or just antisocial (both?).
But enough about me.
Both boys seemed to have a blast on Christmas at my mother's house. Sean likes to raise his arms above his head and see how many other people he can get to follow suit. Everyone usually does it and he smiles and laughs. I am sure he's just laughing at everyone else thinking," What a bunch of fools!, It doesn't take much to excite this bunch!" But it sure is cute.
My mother made a mega phone of sorts out of some tape and cardboard so Seth had to sing a song through it. He sang "Yankee Doodle" and when he finished and everyone clapped he turned to everyone and stated," Thank you everybody! Thank you everybody!" and threw kisses at the crowd.
He then completed his performance by asking everyone," Do you wanna rock?!"
I have no clue where he gets this stuff.
But enough about me.
Both boys seemed to have a blast on Christmas at my mother's house. Sean likes to raise his arms above his head and see how many other people he can get to follow suit. Everyone usually does it and he smiles and laughs. I am sure he's just laughing at everyone else thinking," What a bunch of fools!, It doesn't take much to excite this bunch!" But it sure is cute.
My mother made a mega phone of sorts out of some tape and cardboard so Seth had to sing a song through it. He sang "Yankee Doodle" and when he finished and everyone clapped he turned to everyone and stated," Thank you everybody! Thank you everybody!" and threw kisses at the crowd.
He then completed his performance by asking everyone," Do you wanna rock?!"
I have no clue where he gets this stuff.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Goodbye Buff
She left the world today after 21 loooong years. So it really was a Merry Christmas for her. In cat years she had to have been about 120 years or something. She had been dying for quite a while so it really was for the best, but I can't help feeling a little touch of sadness since she had been in our family for so long. In the last 21 years our family has changed so much; divorce, marriage, births, etc. But she was always there, somewhere.
Honestly, I wasn't her biggest fan.
When I was a kid it drove me nuts when she would bat at my feet while I was trying to fall asleep. Or try to eat my food if I left it on the table unattended for a few minutes. But at the same time it was kinda cute when she would hide under my ex-boyfriend's broken down car on rainy days when she lived with me for a time after I had graduated from high school. You would look under the car and just see the light reflecting off of her eyes while she was staring back at you. She would also tolerate my young son poking at her and petting her years later.
All of the family was there and helped to dig her final resting spot in my Mom's front lawn. They already had the box ready, so they wrapped her in a little blanket and placed her little skinny body on a pillow and sealed the box shut. That was it.
I like to think she lived a very full and eventful life and that she is happy now.
Goodbye Buff.
Honestly, I wasn't her biggest fan.
When I was a kid it drove me nuts when she would bat at my feet while I was trying to fall asleep. Or try to eat my food if I left it on the table unattended for a few minutes. But at the same time it was kinda cute when she would hide under my ex-boyfriend's broken down car on rainy days when she lived with me for a time after I had graduated from high school. You would look under the car and just see the light reflecting off of her eyes while she was staring back at you. She would also tolerate my young son poking at her and petting her years later.
All of the family was there and helped to dig her final resting spot in my Mom's front lawn. They already had the box ready, so they wrapped her in a little blanket and placed her little skinny body on a pillow and sealed the box shut. That was it.
I like to think she lived a very full and eventful life and that she is happy now.
Goodbye Buff.
Monday, December 24, 2007
I got what I wanted for Christmas :)
Oh happy day, David got the job!
It's a fine dining restaurant in Punta Gorda called "The Perfect Caper". Apparently, you can easily drop about $100 per person for a meal there-but you get a 6 course meal all made from scratch by professional chefs. David will be doing prep cook work. It's very fast paced and there isn't room for sloppiness so it's going to be quite trying but I hope it works out. I am very proud of him. He's going to be working 40+ hours- AND watching the boys! Wow! It's going to be hard, but even if he just keeps it up for a couple months it will help us get caught up.
I still don't think me and the boys are going to be dropping by for a bite though...
I can't believe Christmas is upon us already. I am cookied out. For the year and next year. Seriously. Why do people insist on giving cookies to others on Christmas. I really could go for some veggies and dip or some cheese cubes or something.
I'm not worried about my weight-I am blessed with two very active little boys and a full time job that keeps me very busy and burning calories constantly. But I really have had enough junk food. I could just as easily say "no, I don't want your damned cookies!", right? but I can't do it! I have to at least try the stupid cookie.
Is it only 9 PM? It sure feels like 11PM. I am so old.
It's a fine dining restaurant in Punta Gorda called "The Perfect Caper". Apparently, you can easily drop about $100 per person for a meal there-but you get a 6 course meal all made from scratch by professional chefs. David will be doing prep cook work. It's very fast paced and there isn't room for sloppiness so it's going to be quite trying but I hope it works out. I am very proud of him. He's going to be working 40+ hours- AND watching the boys! Wow! It's going to be hard, but even if he just keeps it up for a couple months it will help us get caught up.
I still don't think me and the boys are going to be dropping by for a bite though...
I can't believe Christmas is upon us already. I am cookied out. For the year and next year. Seriously. Why do people insist on giving cookies to others on Christmas. I really could go for some veggies and dip or some cheese cubes or something.
I'm not worried about my weight-I am blessed with two very active little boys and a full time job that keeps me very busy and burning calories constantly. But I really have had enough junk food. I could just as easily say "no, I don't want your damned cookies!", right? but I can't do it! I have to at least try the stupid cookie.
Is it only 9 PM? It sure feels like 11PM. I am so old.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Oh Christmas Plea, Oh Christmas Plea
Please, please let David get hired for this job!
David interviewed for a job at a local fine dining restaurant today and right now everything is looking pretty good. The only catch was that he would have to work day shifts on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I am off every other Tuesday but always work Wednesdays so I had to talk to my mom about watching the boys on those days. Thank goodness she is able to help out so he can get this job. Hopefully.
I am very, very tired from working excessively and trying my hardest to be happy for the holidays. There are way too many grumps out there this time of year, and I will NOT let them suck me into their misery. Nope, no way, not this year. I will be happy if it kills me, dammit! LOL.
Seriously, I guess it could always be worse. I could be all alone on the holiday. Instead I have more than enough people to spend Christmas with. Shoot, I couldn't get rid of them if I tried. Not that I would try. Well, I might appreciate a lonely quiet day here and there, I'll be honest.:)
If I do not write again before December 25th...
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!
David interviewed for a job at a local fine dining restaurant today and right now everything is looking pretty good. The only catch was that he would have to work day shifts on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I am off every other Tuesday but always work Wednesdays so I had to talk to my mom about watching the boys on those days. Thank goodness she is able to help out so he can get this job. Hopefully.
I am very, very tired from working excessively and trying my hardest to be happy for the holidays. There are way too many grumps out there this time of year, and I will NOT let them suck me into their misery. Nope, no way, not this year. I will be happy if it kills me, dammit! LOL.
Seriously, I guess it could always be worse. I could be all alone on the holiday. Instead I have more than enough people to spend Christmas with. Shoot, I couldn't get rid of them if I tried. Not that I would try. Well, I might appreciate a lonely quiet day here and there, I'll be honest.:)
If I do not write again before December 25th...
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!
Friday, December 14, 2007
What I want for Christmas...
Is to have all of my bills paid up to right now. What a relief that would be to have all of our credit cards, medical bills, and miscellaneous bills paid off. I have started not even opening certain bills because I can't pay them anyway.
As you can tell I am feeling a little blah today. I am tired. Tired of working and working and working and still barely making ends meet. Tired of David not having a job( he's tired of that,too) Tired of all of the phone calls from creditors. Tired of all of the threatening letters from companys' attorneys. Tired of not seeing my boys for a couple days at a time since I am doing double shifts. Tired of not being able to buy any Christmas presents for the boys. Just plain tired.
My therapist told me I need to find a positive thing about everything negative but sometimes it's quite difficult.
1. We are all healthy-thank goodness for that!
2. I have a job- I was not ( and will not) be affected by any recessions or lay offs. I will always have a job.
3. My boys are cute and happy as can be- that's gotta count for something.
4. David is a good house husband and daddy.
There. Four positive things about my life.
As you can tell I am feeling a little blah today. I am tired. Tired of working and working and working and still barely making ends meet. Tired of David not having a job( he's tired of that,too) Tired of all of the phone calls from creditors. Tired of all of the threatening letters from companys' attorneys. Tired of not seeing my boys for a couple days at a time since I am doing double shifts. Tired of not being able to buy any Christmas presents for the boys. Just plain tired.
My therapist told me I need to find a positive thing about everything negative but sometimes it's quite difficult.
1. We are all healthy-thank goodness for that!
2. I have a job- I was not ( and will not) be affected by any recessions or lay offs. I will always have a job.
3. My boys are cute and happy as can be- that's gotta count for something.
4. David is a good house husband and daddy.
There. Four positive things about my life.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
By special request...
A new improved version of the soon to be famous Elf Yourself dancers..
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1314714229
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1314714229
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Fa la la la and stuff
Today we got a Christmas tree, a lovely and sappy frasier fir. Seth, I think, was more thrilled about it than any of us. He was so very eager to decorate the tree, so we would give him one ornament at a time for him to hang up and after a few ornaments we checked his placement and noticed that he had hung them all on the same branch. So we have a bare tree with four ornaments hanging off of a bottom branch. Eh, so he's not going to be a professional Christmas decorator( if there is even such thing).
So we helped him out- but then he would remove the ornaments and place them all on one branch again.
But you should have seen us at Home Depot when we got the tree: we got one of the race car shopping carts so we could fit both boys in it. It has a place at the back where two kids can sit and there is a little steering wheel for each kid to play with.
Both boys loved it. David and I were traying to find excuses to look at more things in the store since the boys were enjoying it so much. We got alot of "Awww, that's so cute" from other customers.
What can I say, my boys just have cuteness oozing out of them. Boogie noses and all.
Hey, I try my best to wipe their noses a thousand times a day but they keep running and running. Poor guys.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
John Lennon Watching The Wheels
Now that George Harrison memorial week is over I will beging John Lennon memorial week.
John was shot and died on Dec. 8,1980. 27 years ago-I was about 3 years old.
Anyway I had a difficult time trying to decide which John Lennon song to choose since I like so many.This one has alot of old movies of John and his son, Sean. Wasn't Sean a cutie? RIP John
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Ugh! The "Crud" has taken over the Dreyer house.
We are all quite sick and miserable. Trust me, it is not at all pleasant to wipe noses as much as I have done in the last two days. And the poor kids' noses are sore and they hate it anyway-but I won't let them run around with snotty noses.
Sean's appetite has been affected, but only very slightly-instead of being hungry all day he's is hungry only most of it. And Seth is hardly eating anything at all. God help him, I don't know how that boy continues to exist. He certainly doesn't act or look like a kid that eats as little as he does. maybe he got tired of fighting Sean for food, ha ha.
The "crud" is what someone at work named this cold. It isn't horrible but it just makes you feel cruddy for a few days. Stuffy nose, sore throat, cough and hoarseness seem to be major symptoms. It's Sean's first cold and he's actually being quite a trooper about it. Seth on the other hand wanted to go to the doctor as soon as he developed a sore throat. He couldn't quite understand that he has to simply wait for it to run it's course. He the started to make up excuses why he needed to go to the doctor, " Mom, my teeth are broken" or even " My arm is broken".
Seth has been whiny and cranky for days now. I was about ready to sell him to gypsies today but decided that I have invested far too much money in him in the last three years to send him off now. Might as well keep him around-he is awfully cute and all. People say that he looks like me.:)
It's always something in this house. I heard a song today that had some lovely advice in it: "Breathe, just breathe"
I will.
Sean's appetite has been affected, but only very slightly-instead of being hungry all day he's is hungry only most of it. And Seth is hardly eating anything at all. God help him, I don't know how that boy continues to exist. He certainly doesn't act or look like a kid that eats as little as he does. maybe he got tired of fighting Sean for food, ha ha.
The "crud" is what someone at work named this cold. It isn't horrible but it just makes you feel cruddy for a few days. Stuffy nose, sore throat, cough and hoarseness seem to be major symptoms. It's Sean's first cold and he's actually being quite a trooper about it. Seth on the other hand wanted to go to the doctor as soon as he developed a sore throat. He couldn't quite understand that he has to simply wait for it to run it's course. He the started to make up excuses why he needed to go to the doctor, " Mom, my teeth are broken" or even " My arm is broken".
Seth has been whiny and cranky for days now. I was about ready to sell him to gypsies today but decided that I have invested far too much money in him in the last three years to send him off now. Might as well keep him around-he is awfully cute and all. People say that he looks like me.:)
It's always something in this house. I heard a song today that had some lovely advice in it: "Breathe, just breathe"
I will.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Disclaimer: please read before proceeding.
Do you ever people watch at the mall and think to yourself ," What was she thinking?!" when you see the very large woman with the spandex pants on. Or the little old lady with the purple tinted hair. Or the woman that brings her kid to the grocery store in merely a diaper.
Yes, we all judge others, it' simply human nature. Everyone does it. My friend, Marva, always notices people shoes and the condition of their feet. When she's around you'd better hope you don't have any scaly dry skin on your heel and any fungally toe nails when you wear your sandals!
But she would never tell the person to their face that they have ugly feet. Just like you wouldn't ever tell the large woman that her spandex pants look horrible or the purple hair is not cute on an elderly lady. At least I hope not!
Because not any person I have met is without fault or some type of dysfunction in their life so, really, it's not your job ( or mine) to make decisions about other adult people lives. Spandex pants are a very obvious thing but many, many more people have more hidden issues that are not as obvious but, nonetheless, just as judgeable ( is that even a word?).
My life has many faults and I never claimed to be perfect, actually from what I know of many people close to me , I am not all that different from most people. Most people, no matter how "normal" they seem have some family or personal dysfunction in their life.
I do not have secrets. I don't mind sharing my innermost thoughts with anyone who reads this. Maybe it makes someone feel better about their life to know my problems. Maybe it helps someone realize that they are not alone in feeling a little sad or angry at times. Emotions aren't anything to be ashamed of.
I hope my story will have a happy ending in the long run but every life has many uphill struggles in order to get there. I am still enduring my struggle but all things must pass, eventually.
Please, just please, don't insist on telling me all of the problems with my life. I know already. If I didn't ask for any advice, I don't need it.
Thank you and please continue to visit my blog. I appreciate your concern.
Yes, we all judge others, it' simply human nature. Everyone does it. My friend, Marva, always notices people shoes and the condition of their feet. When she's around you'd better hope you don't have any scaly dry skin on your heel and any fungally toe nails when you wear your sandals!
But she would never tell the person to their face that they have ugly feet. Just like you wouldn't ever tell the large woman that her spandex pants look horrible or the purple hair is not cute on an elderly lady. At least I hope not!
Because not any person I have met is without fault or some type of dysfunction in their life so, really, it's not your job ( or mine) to make decisions about other adult people lives. Spandex pants are a very obvious thing but many, many more people have more hidden issues that are not as obvious but, nonetheless, just as judgeable ( is that even a word?).
My life has many faults and I never claimed to be perfect, actually from what I know of many people close to me , I am not all that different from most people. Most people, no matter how "normal" they seem have some family or personal dysfunction in their life.
I do not have secrets. I don't mind sharing my innermost thoughts with anyone who reads this. Maybe it makes someone feel better about their life to know my problems. Maybe it helps someone realize that they are not alone in feeling a little sad or angry at times. Emotions aren't anything to be ashamed of.
I hope my story will have a happy ending in the long run but every life has many uphill struggles in order to get there. I am still enduring my struggle but all things must pass, eventually.
Please, just please, don't insist on telling me all of the problems with my life. I know already. If I didn't ask for any advice, I don't need it.
Thank you and please continue to visit my blog. I appreciate your concern.
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
November 29 will be 6 years since George Harrison died so I am posting this song in trubute. One of the most beautiful songs ever.:)
RIP George
Monday, November 19, 2007
Band Camp 2007 Seether
I found this video of a Seether song recorded on Friday night . It was recorded probably on someone's phone, and certainly is not my favorite Seether song, but nevertheless-I was there and I saw them while this person was recording this. Enjoy! Wish you could have been there!
Bandcamp 2007!!!!!!
Friday night David and I were kid free but very, very cold. We attended the second "Bandcamp" concert put on by a local radio station. When a concert comes to this lame ol' town we certainly don't want to miss out so we made sure to be there!
Heather got to our house around 4:30PM or so and off we went- we arrived just before Drowning Pool came on. Eh, I guess they were okay-but I enjoyed Finger Eleven and Seether. Both bands were really great and we had alot of fun watching them play. David especially enjoyed Seether. We saw a little of Breaking Benjamin but weren't too impressed, so we left.
It was freaking cold anyway! By that time my feet were numb and my fingers wanted to fall off. I guess I am not cut out for frigid temperatures!
Then I worked 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday and 8 today so it's merely an understatement to say I am worn out!
Besides, do you realize what a horrible feeling it is not to see your kids for two days?! I left while they were asleep and got home after they went to bed.
I missed them so much, it breaks a mother's heart to miss her kids like I did. It makes me sad to work so much but I have to do it.
David did wonderfully, he kept them alive all by himself and he even made sure the house was realatively clean and laundry was done. :)
Heather got to our house around 4:30PM or so and off we went- we arrived just before Drowning Pool came on. Eh, I guess they were okay-but I enjoyed Finger Eleven and Seether. Both bands were really great and we had alot of fun watching them play. David especially enjoyed Seether. We saw a little of Breaking Benjamin but weren't too impressed, so we left.
It was freaking cold anyway! By that time my feet were numb and my fingers wanted to fall off. I guess I am not cut out for frigid temperatures!
Then I worked 16 hours on Saturday and Sunday and 8 today so it's merely an understatement to say I am worn out!
Besides, do you realize what a horrible feeling it is not to see your kids for two days?! I left while they were asleep and got home after they went to bed.
I missed them so much, it breaks a mother's heart to miss her kids like I did. It makes me sad to work so much but I have to do it.
David did wonderfully, he kept them alive all by himself and he even made sure the house was realatively clean and laundry was done. :)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monsters are everywhere!
I presume that would be the title of the song that Seth made up today because he kept singing it over and over. It was actually a cute song. He got out his little guitar and pretended like he was playing it as he sang. And danced.
Then he buit a "creepy house" out of pillows and a comforter in which he claimed a "creepy witch" lived in. Then he got out all of his muppets and claimed that they were all of his friends and they lived in the creepy house with him and the witch.
Seth doesn't lack imagination-that's for sure.
Sean on the other hand- is apparently starving. Or you might think so to see this kid eat. He chows down food like it is going out of style. But he's not fat, just big! If I put three Fruit Loops in front of him he will immediately cram them all in his mouth at once and start banging on his highchair tray for more food.
At the same time Seth is on a hunger strike, it seems. I guess that the money that I save on Seth's food is evened out by the massive amounts of food that my mutant second son consumes.
I think that Sean can crawl about as fast as Seth can run. I wish that I had an ounce of the energy that these kids have.
They look like little angels when they sleep- but I know better.;)
Then he buit a "creepy house" out of pillows and a comforter in which he claimed a "creepy witch" lived in. Then he got out all of his muppets and claimed that they were all of his friends and they lived in the creepy house with him and the witch.
Seth doesn't lack imagination-that's for sure.
Sean on the other hand- is apparently starving. Or you might think so to see this kid eat. He chows down food like it is going out of style. But he's not fat, just big! If I put three Fruit Loops in front of him he will immediately cram them all in his mouth at once and start banging on his highchair tray for more food.
At the same time Seth is on a hunger strike, it seems. I guess that the money that I save on Seth's food is evened out by the massive amounts of food that my mutant second son consumes.
I think that Sean can crawl about as fast as Seth can run. I wish that I had an ounce of the energy that these kids have.
They look like little angels when they sleep- but I know better.;)
Monday, November 12, 2007
Anxiety and the chiropractor
No, I don't have anxiety about the chiropractor. I simply feel that the chiropractor visits are easing the tension and pain in my neck and shoulders that has been caused by many years of anxiety. I can't imagine what may have contibuted to that...
I had myself adjusted again today and I really feel a difference! My shoulders and neck feel normal for once! Many times over the years different massage therapists have attempted to knead out the mnay knots in my shoulders without success, so it's nice to finally have some results.
The problem is that as soon as my muscles and bones feel good again I get all anxious about something and become tense again. So I have scheduled an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss some new options for dealing with my massive anxiety.
Yep, I am a nut. I have known this for many years but my mind doesn't seem to work the same as "normal" people's do. Out of seemingly nowhere I will develop an anxiety attack-shortness of breath, chest tightness, feeling of dread in my stomach, sometimes lightheadedness if I began to hyperventilate. Fortunately this does not happen often. But lately it seems like it's more frequent.
Could it be because David is out of a job? Maybe because bills are always piling up and creditors call every day? Maybe because I am trying to work many hours and take care of my boys also when I am home?
Maybe..just maybe, all of the above.
I am sure many people around me simply laugh off my odd behaviors since most of the time I try to be very pleasant. I love to make people laugh. I love to laugh, but sometimes I can't quite pull it off.
The Zoloft is very effective but I think the Lexapro would be better at dealing with my anxiety. Zoloft is more for depression, I believe. I also would like some anxiety medication I can take on an "as needed" basis such as Xanax or Ativan or something. I really, really, hate the way it feels when I am so anxious.
Ha ha, the psychiatrist's receptionist has been the same since I first went to him almost 10 years ago so he always remembers me. As I was making my appointment he asked how the baby was. I suppose it's sad when the employees at the psych office know you that well. I guess that it helps that David goes there too to get medicine for his anxiety issues. ( No, they are not caused by me-they have been there for many years)
I how I wish I was normal. I hope my boys are, unfortunately I don't think their chances of being mentally stable throughout their life is looking very optimistic. Darned genetics..
I had myself adjusted again today and I really feel a difference! My shoulders and neck feel normal for once! Many times over the years different massage therapists have attempted to knead out the mnay knots in my shoulders without success, so it's nice to finally have some results.
The problem is that as soon as my muscles and bones feel good again I get all anxious about something and become tense again. So I have scheduled an appointment with the psychiatrist to discuss some new options for dealing with my massive anxiety.
Yep, I am a nut. I have known this for many years but my mind doesn't seem to work the same as "normal" people's do. Out of seemingly nowhere I will develop an anxiety attack-shortness of breath, chest tightness, feeling of dread in my stomach, sometimes lightheadedness if I began to hyperventilate. Fortunately this does not happen often. But lately it seems like it's more frequent.
Could it be because David is out of a job? Maybe because bills are always piling up and creditors call every day? Maybe because I am trying to work many hours and take care of my boys also when I am home?
Maybe..just maybe, all of the above.
I am sure many people around me simply laugh off my odd behaviors since most of the time I try to be very pleasant. I love to make people laugh. I love to laugh, but sometimes I can't quite pull it off.
The Zoloft is very effective but I think the Lexapro would be better at dealing with my anxiety. Zoloft is more for depression, I believe. I also would like some anxiety medication I can take on an "as needed" basis such as Xanax or Ativan or something. I really, really, hate the way it feels when I am so anxious.
Ha ha, the psychiatrist's receptionist has been the same since I first went to him almost 10 years ago so he always remembers me. As I was making my appointment he asked how the baby was. I suppose it's sad when the employees at the psych office know you that well. I guess that it helps that David goes there too to get medicine for his anxiety issues. ( No, they are not caused by me-they have been there for many years)
I how I wish I was normal. I hope my boys are, unfortunately I don't think their chances of being mentally stable throughout their life is looking very optimistic. Darned genetics..
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