warning- more venting!
I can't stand being poor. And I REALLY can't stand asking for help from my family. Especially since they aren't exactly wealthy themselves. I hate myself this way and I can just imagine what others are thinking of me. I am sure my family is sick of me and my venting.
My whole life I thought I was better than this. I never thought my husband would be unemployed. I feel like the poor white trash that I hoped I wouldn't ever be. And I feel sad that I brought two beautiful little boys into this world and I can barely provide for them. I feel like I am drowning more and more everyday, with every final notice that I receive, with every call from a creditor, with every time that I dig $0.50 in nickels out of my car so I can buy a soda at work. I even attempted to apply for WIC benefits today to help out only to learn that I make $6 too much in a month. I simply cannot win!!
I just want to explode sometimes from the tension I experience every day. I constantly feel like I am on the edge of an anxiety attack and find that I cry at the drop of a hat because I am feeling so overwhelmed.
I just don't feel like I can take it anymore. It's all too much for me. I never thought I would ever feel this low again. If it weren't for my boys, I think I would just run far, far away so I wouldn't have to face all of the family and friends that I have disappointed. I have humiliated myself and made a mess and i am working my hardest to get back on my feet but, damn it, why won't anyone hire my husband!! I can't do it all by myself. I'm just not that strong.
1 comment:
Mikes job is ending, I stay at home, he's put in apps everywhere and not one single call. Not even an email. The stress here is mounting every day. All that just to say I know how you feel. The bills don't pay them selves, and we're constantly over drafting lately. I wish I could get a job but we can't afford fulltime day care for two children. It wouldnt be worth me going to work. You aren't a loser. You're trying your best, losers give up and dont do anything about their circumstances. Keep plugging away, and things will start to get better. I'll be praying.
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