I guess that's why they call it the blues

I have finally realized what feeling this reminds me of. It is much like the feeling of breaking up with someone you loved for a long time. It's an empty, hollow feeling in your chest as if something that once was there is suddenly missing. An aching in your heart. A full body sadness.
But I can't figure out exactly why. When you break up with someone you have lost something that was once there. Having a baby you suddenly have another person where once there wasn't any, so shouldn't you feel less lonely and empty?
I know, I know..it has to do with hormone fluctuations and major life change issues. Last time I remember mourning the loss of my freedom and independence. This time, I'm not sure. Am I mourning the loss of what little freedom I had? Could it be my crappy financial situation since I'm out of work? I really think it has to do with the fact that I won't be pregnant again. I really know that we shouldn't have any more kids. But as miserable as I was during the latter part of my pregnancy I will be sad not to experience it again.
Maybe it's because for 9 months you have this build-up of excitement about waiting and waiting and having the baby. But then the day actually somes and it's all over with and you have this little person that is as cute as can be but they cry alot and want to be held alot and they don't let you sleep at night. And they can't even smile at you to let you know that they at least appreciate you.

I have to say I don't feel nearly as down as I did the first time around but perhaps the Zoloft could account for that. I have happy days and then some days are just plain lonely. Today is a lonely day.