Korn, Korn, Korn!!!!!!

Unfortunately Halloween excitement took a backseat to the upcoming Korn concert. For myself, at least. Last night David and I were watching a Korn live concert on HD TV when David mentioned how long it has been since he went to a good concert. I was wondering simply when the concert was filmed. So I looked it up on Facebook , or was it Wikipedia, anyway I discovered they have their 10th album coming out in December and they are currently on tour. David noticed that they were going to be in Tampa in less than 2 weeks and then we got excited and bought tickets. Yeah, just like that.

Last time I saw them it was 1996 at Lollapalooza in West Palm Beach. I did not know much of them, I was looking more forward to seeing Tool, actually. I was with my lame-ass jerk ex-boyfriend. I sat next to this cute guy who I actually talked to more than my boyfriend. This guy had a Korn shirt so naturally I always rememeber him as the "Korn guy". We talked about music and he seemed really nice. If he would have said, "Hey, redhaired rock girl, come live with me and I can get you a job." I would have said, "Sweet!"  and would have left my boyfriend, whom I did not like much. I could have moved away with Korn guy and lived happily ever after and listen to Korn all the time. Oh, the memories.

Happy Halloween!

I decided to be a flapper this year.

 David, Sean and I

 Zombie Seth, it's fake blood.

Striking a pose for the camera.

To test or not to test..

We received a letter from Seth's school that his teacher would like him tested for potentially gifted classes or some program. Considering this is the same kid that was suspended every other week in kindergarten because of behavior issues, I am hesitant to do anything that would change his routine or his teacher.
I agreed to the testing but am not sure what will come out of it. I keep thinking this is what taechers do if they want a kid out of their class, since I know he can be trying at times. I guess we will see.

this is what I have been doing...

kayaking...

 beaching....

 crocheting...

 bicycling...

 hanging with squidward...

more crocheting...



when I am not working, of course!!

Hey, remember me!?

I had forgotten about this here blog. Wow, things sure have changed since the last time I posted anything.

And I discovered that they was a section that I could refer to to check for any comments. I was quite surprised that anyone ever commented at all on anything.

David and I are still happy and not divorced as we were contemplating at one time. We still have two lovely boys. Seth just turned 7 and Seanie is 4.

I am working on an as needed basis at a long term care facility called Signature Health Care and also at a staffing agency. Which I absolutely love!

Though I am not employed full time anywhere, I certainly receive full time hours..or at least full time pay. You see, working on a PRN basis I receive higher hourly pay that a regular worker..so I can work a few hours less and receive same pay. Downside is..no health benefits. So I get more of my pay since it is not paying for insurance but I end up having to have my family and kids on Medicaid health benefits.

No I am not proud. But don't have much choice right now. I certainly cannot afford any private health plan! But I try to rationalize it. I think about when Sean was a lilttle baby and I was scraping by to pay for his formula and diapers and David was out of work. How I made a tiny bit too much money for WIC and how I wanted to cry because we were so poor and I needed the assistance so much.

Anyway, things are better now. Wow, things have changed so much in the last year-and-a-half since I posted anything on this blog.

To make a long story short.

I was offered the job at the Dr. office but they wanted to pay me close to nothing so i turned it down. A girls gotta live, ya' know.
I had interviews at two different facilities today and both went well but thyey did not have 7-3 full time positions available. I got a job at one of the places doing part time /PRN so that is a start. Both places were very interested in hiring me -if they had a position available.

I am feeling conflicted...

I went to the interviews yesterday. First with the office manager and then with the Dr. Both went well.

This morning I recieved a call from the staffing agency offering me the position. They wanted me to start Monday. Yippee! I thought. But then I was told what they wanted to pay me..and my heart sank. I even told the lady. I haven't been paid that since my first nursing job 10 years ago!
I was a $6.50 hr. pay cut from my previous job! What! Now I fully expected to make less than I was at Harbour Health but, I mean, I do have to survive and feed my family. And pay for day care.

So i called the nursing staffing agency, they want me to come in on Tuesday for my second interview. ( The lady told me at the first one that if I was asked to come for a second one, I pretty much got the job)

So I declined the offer at the Dr. office for the agency job. I think that some people think I am foolish for doing that but I just hate to take so many steps back ward like that. I truly feel I am worth more than what they offered. I have experience and many skills to offer.

I think in the long run, I am going to be happy with my decision. My heart just wasn't into the Dr. office thing. I need to work in long term care.

I sure hope something good comes out of this.

I have an interview with the Recovery Center tomorrow at 0930. They really are interested in someone that can work on short notice -which I cannot. It's dealing with mental health and detox patients which is way out of my experience. Not that i wouldn't be intersted in learning- but i am used to dementia crazy- not "crazy" crazy. And no I am not being derogatory because I have diagnoses that make me technically " crazy" as well. But can I deal with a bunch of "me's"?
Probably not.
In any case, I may not go to the interview.

This morning I received a call regarding an app i had filled out weeks ago for a position at a Dr. office. She asked if i was still interested (yes!) and could I come for an interview.(Yes!) 15 minutes later one of the long term care facilities called to set up an interview for Monday (yes!)
Later that morning I got a call from a very pleasant sounding woman regarding a position at a home health agency in Bradenton. She sounded more than eager to employ me- but I simply cannot drive almost 100 miles for a job- unless it pays wicked well. So i had to say no. She sounded disappointed. Maybe that was my imagination..

I filled ot the application for a home health agency more local, but I am guessing it ended up in their data base and was pulled up in Bradenton. Who knows?

At the interview I had to fill out some paperwork ( I am so sick of writing out my personal info and work history, aren't resumes supposed to elimate all tht writing?) and then sit down with the lady at the employment place. She seemed to like me and she was confident that I would do well at the proposed position at a local dr. office. She also reassured me that my background check was clear, ( I knew that) and I voiced my concerns that my prior job might say something unfavorable. She was supportive and stated that if they did say I was a poor emlpoyee she could ask them why ,then, did they keep me as an employee for the better part of nine years?

I think I like that lady.

Tomorrow I am going to interview with the office manager of the Dr. office.

Then I got a call from another place I applied, they want to come in and fill out, wait for it, paperwork! That job is at a correctional institution. I could do it, but the hours would be difficult with my kids- plus it's in another town. I am pondering what to do about this situation. I am going to cancel the recovery center interview in the morning, going instead to the Dr. office one.

Oh dear. my head is spinning...

It's always good news that is barely out of my reach

I have been to quite a few facilities where I had to fill out an application and then sit down for an informal interview with the staff development person. Each time I think I do well. Even though I still find it a little strange to "sell" myself to a potential employer. I always am slightly uncomfortable "tooting my own horn" so to speak.
But they always seem to like me and why not. I am likable, I think. And I am certainly genuine. Of all my character flaws, I have one shining asset. I cannot lie for crap. I am as honest as they get. And that, I hope people see, is a good thing.

I applied at a different place yesterday, my friend's neice gave me the heads up on the position, so I called and spoke to the DON and filled out an app. Now i just wait...

Today I called the places that I applied last week. One will return my call and the other is trying to find a place in the schedule that I would fit in. Sounds promising-if only there was a place for me.. She said she will get back to me.

I wish i had more flexibility with my schedule because there are a couple places that i could probably get a position right now for 3-11. But what would I do with my boys? Even if I could bring them home prior to my shift. I don't have anyone to stay with them for the evening. Man, I wish I could find evening child care..

So again, I wait...

I have stuff to do, ya' know!

Hubby took the car to run some random errands. And i only have 15 minutes left on my phone with no $$ in sight. Soo I want to go to my mom's to use her phone to place a couple phone calls. Possibly before I pick up Seth at 12. I have a feeling it's not going to happen. Little frustrated right now. Why does the world seem to be working against me!?

A little good news on the horizon.

My friend Marva called today and told me that, per her neice, there is a 7-3 position open at a local long term care facility. Her neice happens to be a unit manager there. She gave me the name of who to ask for and I think she is going to give my name to whomever does the hiring so they can retrieve my resume. I applied there a few weeks ago, so all my info should be in someones e-mail!
I will be calling in the morning, so hopefully it works out. I try not to get my hopes up too high.
I will keep my fingers crossed...

Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown.

I believe I have addressed my issue with envy in the past but it seems to be something that I just can't shake.
Only now I envy basic life essentials that I see that other people have.. and I do not. I can't stand even watching" How it's Made" on the Science channel because I feel jealous that the people in the show making things have jobs. I envy people in line at McDonald's because, obviously, they must have cash from somewhere to buy their cheeseburger and Diet Coke.
Celebrities make me ill. I read that Tom Cruise is getting 20 million to star in the next "Mission Impossible" movie. Disgusting. I understand that he has an acting talent and that is what he gets paid for, but 20 mil? That's ridiculous. I don't think the rich and famous are "better" people in the world just because of the $$$ they have. But I do think it must make life much easier. that being said, why do so many end up in rehab?

A few years back I lived a life of plenty of excess. If I wanted something-I bought it. No need to save or scrimp. We took weekend vacations regularly, and nice out-of-state vacations yearly. We stayed in the nicest hotels and rented nice cars when we got to where we were going. We ate out much of the time and frequented the pub nightly. And boy do I miss the biweekly massages.

I always felt like people like myself, unemployed, and living off taxpayers, to be a burden on society. A waste of space that serves no productive purpose in the world.
Maybe , thats why I am where I am. God's teaching me a lesson about understanding the less fortunate. A bit of Karma, I suppose.

Welcome to the unemployment line.

I haven't been fired from a job since I was 15! And I haven't been without a job in as long as well. So what was I to do? Now I have two little boys and an unemployed spouse to support. My ex-coworkers were shocked at my termination. My friend Marva was simply pissed off. We had such a good time at work. We laughed alot. I liked my residents and they liked me. I knew their lives, their histories, their families. I knew their extensive medical histories since I had been taking care of many of them for years. I had taken care of resident's spouses, sisters, brothers, and even a mother and daughter. I had sat with dying residents that were all alone and remained with them until the end.
Maybe I was too comfortable in my position thinking that they wouldn't get rid of me. I honestly felt that regardless of my weaknesses, I was more of an asset to them than a liability. After all, I never, ever hurt or put any of my patients in harms way. Even with the issues that I were fired for. I never came close to hurting anyone. A CNA once told me that it's more important to work with your heart than your head. And maybe I wasn't using my head enough.

Immediately I filed for unemployment benefits. I thought for sure I would get them. I mean, I never stole anything or abused anybody. But I didn't.
The corporation stated that I failed or refused to perform job duties as per my job description- or something similar. And then slapped the term " misconduct" on me so they wouldn't have to pay.

I applied for every benefit that I could possibly receive, and of course, now I qualify for them. In as many years I have attempted to get any assistance possible only to be repeatedly told I make too much.

Now I can get my kids on Medicaid. I get WIC checks and yes, now I get food stamps and am applying for cash assistance- which I believe used to be Welfare. I even had to go to the Salvation army to pay my electric bill. Yes, I have now hit the bottom and become the kind of person I never, ever wanted to be. I am truly disgusted by myself.

But in the last few weeks I have applied for countless nursing jobs and am still waiting, waiting for responses. They each say they will get back to me in a week or two so here I wait. Two places told me to call them if they didn't call me this week, so that's two call s to make on monday and if those two places don't want me, I don't know. My optimism is fading. I know they look at my application and see " terminated" and that bothers them . Plus, I wonder what my prior employer is really saying about me. I am scared that i won't find work because of the firing. It's happened and I can't go back to change it. What now.

I guess I just keep waiting.

Good God it's been awhile!

I can't even attempt to reveiew everything taht has occurred over the last several months but I assure you that it has been more downs than ups, unfortunately. Late August, little Sean ended up in the hospital for a few days with H1N1. I honestly did not know he was as sick as he turned out to be. He was wheezy and feverish-not to mention lethargic. When i brought him to the Dr. , we did not even have to wait, we were brought right in and the nurse interrupted the Dr. with another patient to tend to him. Albuterol nebs didn't help, the epinephrine neb did but he only got that when Dr. decided to have him admitted. Blech, hospitals suck. It was a sad and lonely experience, poor Sean slept much of the time.
He did get his ear tubes placed in September and so far all has been good. A couple outer ear infections but nothing too crazy. He's talking better and feeling better. October, November, and December were a blur of never-ending stress. David's unemployment ran out just in time for the holidays. Wouldn't you figure?!
We also decided to divorce in December, David thanked me for ruining his holiday. Of course, divorce costs $$$. $$ that we don't have so it will happen eventually, maybe years from now.
I was counseled at work in early January regarding an issue that occurred in December with a patients skin issue that I forgot to document on. That was a big deal, but I guess I didn't realize how big. honestly, I have been distracted with all that is going on in my world. I opted to take a week off to get away from work and relax a bit.

Fast forward a couple weeks and suddenly I found myself fired from my job of the last nine years. they gave two tiny minor issues ( I wouldn't even consider them write- up worthy personally) and a couple bigger issues. One of which I honestly did not know I was doing wrong and one I neglected to follow through with an issue. The state surveyors were in the building and witnessed one of the issues so I am guessing that eliminating me was, perhaps, their "plan of correction". I was taken aside by my supervisors and told to go home, that I was suspended until they contacted me in a week. Scary, but still I had a job. I figured I would have a week off to destress.
Later, I received a call from my supervisor that she wanted to set up a meeting with me for the next morning. I asked if I was to be fired to do it on the phone. And she did.

Pain stinks

It's the main thing on my mind today so it's hard to think of much else. I think I have a little Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome going on going back several months but it onle seems to "flare up" every now and then. Then I experience horrible pain in my right wrist with a little tingling in my fingers and the occasional pain shooting up toward my elbow. usually I put on a wrist brace for a couple days and it eases up with rest but this time it freaking hurts! I tried the wrist brace, a compression wrap, oral pain medications (which actually did help me make through my work day) , ice, and now David has gotten me a Therma Care hand and wrist wrap which actually feels very soothing. Even though it's made for arthritic problems. Pain stinks.

Things have been looking up lately. David now is able to receive unemployment benefits and I was able to cash out my 401K so we got ourselves caught up. David has been working pretty steadily for the last couple weeks and i was even able to pick up an over time day a couple weeks ago.

David's biological son from his first marriage is here visiting for a week so we have been busy. Tonight my whole family had a get together because he was visiting so everyone could meet him and we all had a good time. My family loves any excuse to get together and eat- and drink. And we always have a good time. I really love them.

Sometimes bandages do help a little...

I got paid one week ago, and unfortunately, I discovered that I did not have enough paid time off hours to cover my vacation I had taken in early July-therefore, my paycheck was short. david had been ot of work for a couple weeks so we were relying on every cent that my paycheck wad to bring us. I flipped out when David told me he had gone to the grocery store only to discover that he had "insufficient funds" after paying only the day care bill. We were in the negative prior to the paycheck being deposited, so my check was gone.
I was sitting at work with my stomach growling as I was thinking about what wonderful meal I was going to have that night when David called me to tell me that we could not get groceries. I seriously had not had a proper meal in days waiting to get groceries. :( Anyway, people at work felt horribly for me and they emptied their wallets to help me out. Another lady, brought me a bunch of groceries and then a couple days later more goceries were purchased for me by various co workers. I assure I was flooored at the outpouring of support I experienced from people I work with, none of which are wealthy folks. Just regular people that have big hearts. I was told that I was well loved and that many people wanted to help me out. And with no expectation of being repaid! I was emotionally exhausted by the end of the week. but I assure you that no one in my house was hungry, thanks to good people.
My water was turned off, still is actually but ,um, "someone " turned it back on until we can pay the bill on Monday. I feel like such a rebel with my illegal water. My TV, phone and internet was turned off as well. We were able to pay that today and get it turned back on.
Coincidentally, I received a notice in the mail that I needed to decide what to do with my 401K now that my work has changed management companies. I opted to cash out my $3,000. I figured it wouldn't get me far in retirement anyway and I really needed it . I got the check today!!! Already. So we were able to pay some bills and straighten out the balance in the bank account. Already, I feel like some weight is off of my shoulders. I understand the $$ is merely a bandage for other financial issues we are having but it's nice to get caught up for the moment. David is working and I was able to do a double shift yaeterday so maybe we'll be okay now.
But we wouldn't have been able to make it without the kindness of others. I am so fortunate to work with some extraordinary people.

Freeland 'Do You' UK Live Tour Video

I assure you that is not the type of music I typically listen to but this song kicks! I love it. I might have to get the CD just to get me moving on lazy days. Yeah, I can see myself jumping and dancing around the house to this.

Angel Dust simply reminds me that I am getting older.

And not the drug ( does anybody actually do PCP anymore?) but the Faith No More CD. As it is one of my favorite CDs the world has ever seen it bothers me that it makes me feel so sad-but I think I woke up feeling this way. As I was listening to " Midlife Crisis" I realized I was going to be experiencing my own before too long. And it reminded me how many years it has been since that song came out! I do believe that CD dominated the soundtrack for the 15th year of my life which was ,Oh, 17 years ago...
I just feel like some of my best years have passed and I think about how many things I would have done differently if I had the opportunity to do it over. I have a job, husband, and two wonderful kids- but we aren't as successful as I had hoped we would have been at this point. At this age. As i get older I look at myself in the mirror and realize I am appearing older, my body is showing signs of age. And the more down I get-the less motivation I have to try to improve things.
I envy alot.
I envy people who can pay all of their bills every month, especially without overdrawing their account on a weekly basis.I hate paying bills because there never is enough money-so I have david do it so I don't have to see how little is really in the bank. And he is horrible with money!I hate having to worry-actually i find that it's easier to simply not care than to worry. Since it doesn't help anyway.
I decided to pierce my nose last week. Why? Because I am not getting any younger, ya know? I only have one life to do things, crazy and not so crazy. I tell people it's a midlife crisis moment. And maybe so, because it made me feel like less of an old lady. It made me feel like I still had some life to me. Made me feel a little edgy, like maybe, just maybe, i had the potential to still be a little interesting and cool. Not a boring old wife and mother.
Trust me, I would never, ever want to go back to 15 years old. I did some dumb things but I think it was all for the better since I got those crazy things out of my system. It helped me to learn right from wrong and help me decide that I don't want to live my life as a loser!
I think i need some motivation to get out and experience the world instead of sitting around feeling sorry about days gone by.
I'm merely 32 and I 'm already reflecting. God help me!

The Trews - Paranoid Freak

Quite a catchy song. I rather like it...

Guess what? Sean has another ear infection.

I am so tired of the Dr. office. Never did I think I would be one of those moms that takes their kid to the Dr. on a monthly basis. I have enough sense to know tht Drs cannot perform miracles.But it seems his ear infections keep getting worse and his fevers are higher and more difficult to get rid of. I swear, the kid gets a runny nose and immediately develops an ear infection. I was really hoping for the Dr. to recommend a specialist for some ear tubes beacuse he's had so many infections one after another and I really don't like my kid on so many antibiotics.
The Dr. said that when we return to see him in two weeks we will decide at that point-but he keeps telling me that! Arrgghhh. I think the Dr. just wants to see me. He gives me so many hugs during the course of one of Sean's appt. it's a tad unusual. He just knows that I am experiencing extreme guilt about my son's health.
Sean had a fever all yesterday-no matter how much Motrin we gave him. Evntually,during the night, his fever must have "broke" because he hasn't had one since. He was hot as heck last night. i assuure you because he was laying right next to me.
Poor kid.,