Happy?

Merrily, I was driving down the road as I realized how good I felt, how happy I was. I smiled and looked back at Joshua watching the world go by from his car seat blissfully unaware of the stresses and worries of the world.

And then I felt an odd sense of guilt. I thought "Wait a second, I was arrested! I still have to meet with my attorney and go to court and who stinkin' knows what will happen? I shouldn't feel happy. I should feel shame or something, I guess. What's wrong with me?"
But I suppose it would be a miserable life to feel shame for the rest of my life. I'm in no way proud of what has happened but it certainly does not define me. It's merely another chapter in the book of my life, and hopefully I will be stronger from  it. My arrest is not me. Just something that happened to me. My struggles are not me, just part of my life experience.

You know, I was so naive and gullible as a teen. Anyone could convince me of anything. Now I feel so foolish from those days.
I wish I knew what I know now, then. I would have made much better choices. But then I wouldn't have learned the lessons that led me to what I am today.

I actually like myself the way I am now. I refuse to spend  my life in shame. That's just the way it is.