Focus

Sometimes I over focus on things that I cannot control and then I end up all anxious and grumpy. I feel hopeless and my problems seem far bigger than I am.
Today I realize that every single one of my stresses is financially related. Aside from finances, I don't have it too bad. I have a lovely husband and three super duper awesome, healthy, smart kiddos. They say the best things in life are free and I do agree. Family and health are very important.
Though I certainly wouldn't mind some cash to clear up my other issues.

My kids rock. They have got it together far more than I did when I was their age.

I was, simply put, a weird kid that was painfully shy, I am thinking some severe social anxiety.  If I was school age now, I sure someone would have me sent to a psychologist. I should have. I was truly bizarre. In elementary school I refused to speak to people. If I saw a classmate at the grocery store and they said hello, I would not respond to avoid any social interaction.
I absolutely refused to answer the phone at my house, again the fear of the social interaction.
I would not even answer questions in class if the teacher called on me, I would just cry. I was mortified of speaking in front of the class. In 3rd grade I was made to read a book report in front of the class..I cried the entire way through. Teachers hated me.
Obviously I had few friends. Some days on the playground were lonely. I would sit alone while everyone else played. I loved to read. I read all the time, nonstop. I loved immersing myself in other happy worlds, it was probably one thing that brought me joy at certain times in my life.

As I may have mentioned before I had an obsession with numbers. Even numbers, especially 4. Sometimes I HAD to do things 4 times or I would become anxious. 4 4 4 4 . It controlled me and I consciously had to break myself of that. Not easy to convince myself something bad wouldn't happen if I didn't repeat my action 4 times!

These are all things that happened in elementary school! I may never know why I was so strange. I always try to keep a close eye on my kids for any odd behaviors, like mine. So far, so good. They seem well adjusted and "normal" and for that I am grateful. I would never wish my bizarre isolating behaviors from my young years on anyone! Sometimes I really wish I could go back in time and tell my 8 year old self that it will be okay and give her a big hug.