Work updates and stuff..

I am very happy with my new job. They are properly staffed and organized for one thing , so that is a welcome change from the last place I was at!

As some of you already are aware, I interviewed for the medical records position on Wed. There is one more interview on Monday and then I will find out if I have the job. But as of now, I was told, I am favored for the position in part because of my bubbly, happy personality and that I am always smiling. Being in medical records means that I will have to build good relationships with the people I work with since I will have to "nag" them for missing items for charts being closed out and such. Apparently it works out better if you aren't a cranky grump. :)

I am excited about the opportunity but am happy with my job no matter what happens. I am perfectly happy being a floor nurse. It's what I know and what I enjoy. I am just happy making some $$ again.

I am looking forward to a good new year. 2015, you have got to be better than 2014!!

Cautiously Optimistic

During my orientation I was reviewing a patient chart with the clinical educator and I kept finding little errors, like papers filed in the wrong place. Quite a few actually. So I fixed the issues I found. Anyone would have, and it wasn't really a big deal but I am a bit obsessive about things having to be in the correct location and nice and tidy.
The educator asked if I had ever done medical records and I said that I am very familiar with chart checks and audits but since I love to organize everything I often wondered if I would do well in that position.
Fast forward to yesterday. She told me that she informed the Director of Nursing that I was meticulous with the charts and that I am quite smart and she thinks I would do well in the currently unoccupied medical records position. I told her I would definitely be interested!
The Director of Nursing talked to me about it today and said that she had a couple more interviews to do for that position and depending on how those go she might be getting back to me regarding filling it! Apparently they want a nurse in that position.
Mon through Fri and I would get to be the occasional manager on duty, because I would be considered a department head!!
Can you imagine me as Director of Medical Records? Wow, that sounds so administrative!
I guess I shouldn't get too excited about the possibility yet. But I am going to keep my fingers crossed. If anyone reads this cross your fingers for me also. :)

I can only hope I will be as lucky!

So my Mamaw lives in an Assisted Living Facility now. My dad says he visits frequently and takes her to a movie and out to eat once a week. Not to mention all that he's done for her prior to her move when he was over to check on her all the time.
I can only hope my boys will treat me as well in my later years.
I hope I can raise a man as successfully as my grandmother did.

Update:
I went to visit my Mamaw on Friday and check out her new place. She loves it and I love it. Unfortunately having a conversation with her now is similar to having a conversation with a stranger. She doesn't remember much , names, places, etc. So I had to chat like I was talking with someone I had just met. Sad. But she was very happy to see Joshua and we had a very nice visit. :)

Frustration.

So I got a job. One that I think I am going to like. Nice people, good atmosphere, decent pay. When I worked there before I was PRN( as needed) so the hourly rate was a little higher than regular rate since I didn't have benefits, etc. This time around they kept me at the same pay rate, so I was quite happy about that. I felt like I could have done little dance right there in the human resources office when I found out. Don't worry. I didn't.


But the staff that is supposed to orient me is in the process of orientation themselves so until they get their poop together I just have to hang around waiting for them to call me. Little annoyed by that. I really need to work.


But in the meantime I have a small 401K check that I am expecting in the mail to tide me over. Maybe I can actually get a Christmas gift or two for the boys.


So I wait, for my orientation, and my check. I hate waiting.

Don't you wish you knew the last time was the last time?

Picture it: Thanksgiving 2006, Big fat pregnant woman lies dozing on the couch in her scrubs after a days work, while the rest of the family eats. The food smells so good, but it feels better to put her feet up.


That was the last time my grandmother made Thanksgiving dinner. I loved her food. And she made the best mashed potatoes in the world. And I was too exhausted to enjoy the meal. I did work an 8 hour shift on Thanksgiving morning, so who would blame me? But I wish I could go back in time.


My grandmother hasn't gone anywhere. Only her mind has. She has recently moving from her home into an assisted living facility. She has been declining in recent years. The poor gal is 87 for Pete's sake.
But I still wish you knew the last time was the last time. Because you never know what the future might bring.

I love a rainy night...

It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring! And the kids are all asleep, even Joshua my little night owl. And David is at work. I love the sound of quiet, only the sound of the rain. 'Tis quite delightful.
I frequently blog only when my brain is too full of nonsense that needs to be expelled. Right now I feel okay, quite content. Therefore I have no idea what to write, but I wanted to make one post  about feeling optimistic and good so that the world knows I don't wander around all gloomy and discouraged all the time. Sometimes I am actually happy, can you imagine?
I had a good evening with my boys, we watched TV snuggled together. What is better that snuggling with your favorite people on a stormy evening? I seriously couldn't pick my favorite kid. They are all so different but wonderful as well. Even when they refuse to eat the banana muffins I made for them. meh.

Cemetery

By now everyone knows I enjoy the peace at the cemetery, so I took Joshua a couple days ago and wandered around. He just likes to be out of the house, he doesn't care. And from what I know of elderly folks, they love babies and little kids, so I didn't think they'd mind a visit.
I like to think they appreciate my visits and my quiet singing to my son as we wander the grounds, I guess I like to think it would bring a smile to their face.

I think I might have a better relationship with the dead than the living....but moving on.

I saw many, many more names that I recognize. I told Joshua stories of them all, even the lady that chased me down the hallway when I was a CNA.
 I even saw the lady that was my very first patient at Southport Square when I was in CNA school, maybe 1997 or 1998. She was 96, and at the time was the oldest person I had ever met in real life.

Of course I visited my Papaw and introduced Joshua to him. My papaw died in 1985 from complications related to Alzheimers disease at..59. Yes, Very young. So he was suffering from dementia for my entire life, but even so I don't want him to think anyone has forgotten him, so I keep him up to date about stuff and life.

I don't know what it is about the cool fall weather that makes me ponder over the past. This happens every year.

Introspection and Mortality

Once upon a time I spent many a night at one of the 3 or 4 cemeteries in town. Then we would hit Denny's for some early AM hours food. Ah, those were the days.

Yes, night. My brother and myself would sit upon a bench in one of the local cemeteries and under the moon and the stars we would ponder our existence, or some such thing. We had some of the best conversations there.
As a child my mother took us to have a picnic at a cemetery in Fall River, Mass. It was quite huge, and old and impressive. We were visiting my grandfather, and Lizzie Borden..but that is a story for another day.
As a teen I toured the cemetery in Mooresville, NC with my grandmother, who actually happened to know every single person buried there and their stories. Fascinating.

But in my years as a long term care nurse I frequently meet people in the last years of their life, many times I am there with them in their last days. People I have taken care of and loved and befriended, gone. I always feel sad. Though they are in their 70s, 80s, and 90s they have had long successful lives but it's still sad.
Anyway, many, many of them are buried or interred at one particular location and when I go visit my grandfather I usually wander the rows reading the flat metal plates that have every name and birthdate on them. I always find more and more names I recognize and I always ask God to bless them. This agnostic is not above asking whatever higher being that is out there to take care of my patients that I have loved.
I have a box full of obituaries. Names of some of my favorite people I have known, sometimes I read them just to remember. It makes me sad and happy. Sad they are gone but happy I was lucky enough to know them.

I believe death is the beginning to something else. I am not sure what. But I want to believe that those wonderful people are somewhere in another plane happy and free from any suffering and pain.
And I hope I was able to make as much of a difference in their life as they did in mine.

"W"

So it's been a "W" kind of day, meaning there has been lots of ups and downs.
Sooo, Saturday I foolishly missed my appt. for my level 2 fingerprinting for job at facility #1 because I confused the time with my Thursday physical. Meh.

 I rescheduled it, no problem. Going tomorrow. ****high point

Today was my interview with facility #2. I did okay but was told there were a few other people interviewing as well. Chances for the job not so high.****low point

Decided to apply at facility #3- Two former coworkers are employed there and told me I could use them as a reference. One is going to tell the person doing the hiring that I will be coming in. Looks promising. I will go there on Thursday. ***high point

Had disagreement with the husband about stuff and things and jobs and jealousy and marriage and stuff from the past and blah, blah, blah....yawn***low point

Got lots of hugs and kisses from my kids***always a high point.

Bedtime-time to snuggle with Joshua, I guess a toddler should sleep in his own bed but he's so snuggly****high point

Sometimes I want to wake up and find that some things in my life are merely a bad dream, but there are wonderful things that I have as well. I guess we have to take the good with the bad, that's just life for you. Some days I really think that if it weren't for my boys , I might not still be here.
Sometimes I just long for peace and an end to my suffering.

For now, I will simply settle for some sleep.

Anxiety

Filled out paperwork for my new job today, and oddly enough I feel more anxious about it than I did when I went to the interview. I have to do fingerprinting and "fit for duty" physical next week. Once everything comes back alright, I can begin work. And I have another interview on Monday.

I know I have nothing to worry about but I am anyway. Feeling almost paranoid, "do I look okay? I think my shoes are too dirty, I should have pulled my hair into a ponytail, crap I forgot to take out my eyebrow piercing, I really need some new clothes, am I acting nervous, etc. etc. etc. " And when I am nervous I make the most painfully awkward small talk.

Perhaps just normal anxiety about beginning a new job. I just want them to like me. And make a proper first impression and be successful. I want to do well.

I Wish the Gears Would Stop Turning.

The ones in head that is..Today I am trying something new and I really hate it. I am attempting to adopt a healthier lifestyle and it takes some getting used to. For the first time in a while my mind is clear as a freshly cleaned window, but I kinda miss the smudges and grime I have become used to.

So now, I am thinking and thinking and it's constant. My thoughts are coming at me nonstop and I am no longer distracted from them. I lay in bed and my brain keeps thinking on and on and on. About what I did that day, what am I going to do the next day, what should I wear, what should my kids wear, what should I did, what have I done, conversations I have had, conversations I need to have, places to go and things to do.
I have been this way forever but sometimes I am able to muffle the thoughts a bit. If only so I can sleep. It's irritating. So much.
I don't like it.

ETA:On a somewhat related note I had forgotten how horrible liquor tastes. Ugh. Burns the stomach.

Good times...maybe things are looking up.

Just maybe.
Tonight I took the boys to a trunk or treat event at a local church and actually had a delightful time. And everything was free which was great since I'm broke.
Can you imagine I was on church property and I didn't even burst into flames? Maybe I am not really so bad after all.
And I have a promising job interview on Monday afternoon.
So I sit here alone in the dark next to a smelly candle watching "The Golden Girls"  and life is good. I keep wanting to go to bed like a sane person should. But this damn show is so funny I can't stop. I don't even care if you make fun of me. Just go ahead and do it already.
Halloween party with Cub Scouts tomorrow, Halloween the next day and Saturday another backyard campout with Sean. We enjoyed the last one so much we want to sleep outside again. Sick, I know.

Nighty night world.

I hate dementia so much

As a nurse with many , many years of experience in long term care I have taken care of a plethora of individuals with all types of dementia ( you know there are several, right? Alzheimer's Dementia is only one type) It isn't easy taking care of some dementia patients. It's a horrible and awful disease that steals precious memories and dignity from elderly people. You can't prevent it and there is no cure. In end stages they are like adult babies, having to be fed and wear diapers. They can't walk or talk. They become merely a shell of their former self.

Usually this is where I meet the patient, when they are in the end stages and require nursing care 24 hrs a day. Many times over the years I wonder why those patient's families don't visit very often. I would say to my coworkers, " How awful, her daughter lives in this town and she doesn't ever come see her mom. It's horrible." Or when they are dying, " What, I can't believe no family flew across the country to sit with their dying dad, how cruel"
Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make a person really understand.

I love my grandmother, I shall refer to her as " Mamaw" for the rest of this blog post. Mamaw was a very intelligent, strong woman in her day. She was loving, wise, fair, kind and wonderful. She made the best roast and mashed potatoes ever! And I would request it as my birthday meal every year.
When my family were going through rough times I knew I could rely on her to be a voice of logic and reason and I also could count on a hug when I needed it. I owe her so much.

When I was 21 and climbing out of the depths of a depression and leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, Mamaw was my rock. She let me live in her house for three years while I got it together and went to nursing school. And those were a wonderful few years. I was so busy with work, school, and social life that I didn't spend as much quality time with her as I could have but we did have some great times. She inspired me in many ways and I always longed to be like her. I love her so much it hurts. I miss her.

You see, about everything in that paragraph was written in past tense. But she is still alive. Lewy Body Dementia has robbed her of her. She isn't herself anymore. She looks like my Mamaw but she is frail, sad, and unsure. She is confused and illogical. The wisdom in her eyes is long gone. I feel like my 87 year old Mamaw is alive, but not living anymore, simply existing.
I used to take the boys to visit every other week but after her dementia set in, it became difficult. For me. It's so hard to see her like that.

It makes me sad and angry at God. She took care of my grandfather through his Alzheimer's battle many years ago, how could God do this to her? Why couldn't she be spared? Why her? I can't stand it.
So now I am the horrible family that visits infrequently because it's too difficult FOR ME. And I hate that I am so selfish. I have gone through the stages of grieving and haven't been able to get to the acceptance part yet, I'm stuck in the depression part. I am grieving the loss of my Mamaw, who is still on this planet, but it's not her anymore. I love her so much.

So now, instead of looking in from the outside. I am on the inside, experiencing the dementia with my Mamaw and the rest of my family. Now I see how a family can accept the loss of a loved one before they pass away. Because, by the time death arrives, the dementia patient is long gone from the shell that is their body. And the family has accepted that. It hurts when someone you love doesn't know who you are anymore. It hurts a lot.
Mamaw still knows me but I don't know for how long.

I hate dementia, I hate it so much.

Yay, America is #30!!

 In healthcare that is. True story.

http://www.cmglp.com

Remember all the American pride you were taught in school, told by your culture. We are big on patriotism and American pride here. People say "we are the land of the free, we are a democracy!!"

Which actually isn't true, we are a Republic, and we are not the only free country by far, actually there are countries free-er than us.
I wonder what they teach their population in other countries? "Yay Luxembourg! We are number 25, Woooooo!!!!"

The above link leads to an article explaining that the US is only # 1 in violence and exporting weapons, oh and income inequality...can't forget that. Maybe prison population as well.

We are way down the list as far as healthcare, life expectancy, education, environmental issues, childhood poverty, about everything not having to do with weapons and bombing other countries. Our military is larger than any other on Earth. For the money we spend on military we could probably educate and give healthcare to every person in this country. Instead of policing the world, maybe we should take care of our own issues for once. We certainly have plenty.

No wonder other countries hate us, we are violent.. People in some countries probably spend their entire life afraid of us, wondering if we are going to bomb their house any day. Maybe years and decades of wars have created these extremists that want to kill Americans. I suppose if for your entire life France was bombing your country , you might hate French people...
Maybe we are the terrorists to them?
Maybe we are the bad guys to the rest of the world.

I hear people saying that soldiers are fighting for our freedom. But really? How does a terrorist organization on the other side of the world affect our freedom? I saw a documentary about the Vietnam war and someone mentioned how the soldiers were fighting for our freedom. What? A civil war between the Vietnams affected our freedoms how?

It almost seems cult-like to require children to say the Pledge of allegiance. the monotone reciting while facing the US flag. It almost looks like something I would see required of Chinese citizens. Many other countries do not have a pledge of allegiance. They may have a national anthem to sin, but that is all. To some people from other countries, watching Americans say the pledge looks a little like mindless brainwashing.

Is it wrong to lack pride in one's country? I don't hate it. It's a beautiful country, lots of wonderful , intelligent people are here. I just think there is quite a bit of room for improvement. Stop trying to convince the people that we are the best, because there are other countries that are better, the people are happier and healthier and smarter. I think it could be us..if we knew how to manage our resources better and put our people's needs and wants over wars and violence.

Focus

Sometimes I over focus on things that I cannot control and then I end up all anxious and grumpy. I feel hopeless and my problems seem far bigger than I am.
Today I realize that every single one of my stresses is financially related. Aside from finances, I don't have it too bad. I have a lovely husband and three super duper awesome, healthy, smart kiddos. They say the best things in life are free and I do agree. Family and health are very important.
Though I certainly wouldn't mind some cash to clear up my other issues.

My kids rock. They have got it together far more than I did when I was their age.

I was, simply put, a weird kid that was painfully shy, I am thinking some severe social anxiety.  If I was school age now, I sure someone would have me sent to a psychologist. I should have. I was truly bizarre. In elementary school I refused to speak to people. If I saw a classmate at the grocery store and they said hello, I would not respond to avoid any social interaction.
I absolutely refused to answer the phone at my house, again the fear of the social interaction.
I would not even answer questions in class if the teacher called on me, I would just cry. I was mortified of speaking in front of the class. In 3rd grade I was made to read a book report in front of the class..I cried the entire way through. Teachers hated me.
Obviously I had few friends. Some days on the playground were lonely. I would sit alone while everyone else played. I loved to read. I read all the time, nonstop. I loved immersing myself in other happy worlds, it was probably one thing that brought me joy at certain times in my life.

As I may have mentioned before I had an obsession with numbers. Even numbers, especially 4. Sometimes I HAD to do things 4 times or I would become anxious. 4 4 4 4 . It controlled me and I consciously had to break myself of that. Not easy to convince myself something bad wouldn't happen if I didn't repeat my action 4 times!

These are all things that happened in elementary school! I may never know why I was so strange. I always try to keep a close eye on my kids for any odd behaviors, like mine. So far, so good. They seem well adjusted and "normal" and for that I am grateful. I would never wish my bizarre isolating behaviors from my young years on anyone! Sometimes I really wish I could go back in time and tell my 8 year old self that it will be okay and give her a big hug.

I wish my brain had an ON/OFF switch

While I was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep I was pestered by my brain thinking the nuttiest things. This is what was on my mind.

So what if you woke up one morning and you mind was free of prejudices of any kind. Knowing only what would be considered logically correct. Erase what society and culture has taught you. What would you think about things?
Would you know that killing another human was wrong or would it be something you would do only for self preservation? Maybe nudity isn't shameful we just think it is. Why do we think that? Who originally told us that?

I guess my strange thought occurred as a response to some ponderings about religion. Many times we believe what our parents have taught us. But if I erase that, I wonder which religion is the real one? Are any of them? Are they all kinda based off of one original religion? I know that most people would read this and say, " Christian is the only real one, you loser!" because most of the people I know belong to that one. But how do we know. We have no PROOF. Yes, there are religious texts written thousands of years ago. Throughout translations and rewriting, are the religious texts accurate? What is real?

I could probably ramble on and on about the vastness of the universe and the possibilities of other universes inside black holes and insignificance. But my brain may explode.

Not trying to get into any arguments here, I promise. Sometimes I just like to try to think outside the box.

Facebook Blows and I will tell you why..

Today is one of those days where I feel like I am the most miserable, unfortunate person that exists. It's difficult to realize that there are plenty of people in the world that have it worse. But depression is a selfish bastard. I can only concentrate on what I feel.

I read damn Facebook and in a Facebook rosy world people posts about the wonderful things that they are doing right now. The lovely vacations, the wonderful new car, the beautiful new house. Because that is what Facebook is, right? It's not there to post whiny, grumpy statuses. Nobody wants to know about things that are sad and horrible. And no one wants to admit to people they haven't seen since high school that their life isn't one unending string of successes. That maybe you took a wrong turn or two.
That being said, I don't honestly feel I have made too many wrong turns, but life has a way of not working in your favor sometimes. Job loss, resulting in foreclosure and poor credit, those type of things.
Sometimes you plan to do everything right and then a hurricane comes and tears down your town.

Yesterday I planned to go participate in the Coastal Clean-up with Sean's cub scouts group. I was actually looking forward to it. And then it rained. All day. Ruined everything. And I stayed at home just like I did every other day My good mom moment was ruined.

I feel like I must be living the most boring existence. Every day is just another day in my life.

Oh, the pros and cons of another day

I would love a fresh start somewhere new. I have been in the same town for all of my life and know lots and lots of people. There isn't anything super wrong with this town, but I would like to be in a place with a bit of culture.
Maybe some stuff for kids to do, low cost things like nice parks and playgrounds.
I would love some public transportation since David and I have one car.
 Oh and museums, I want some museums or indoor kids amusement places.
Definitely a couple nice state parks that I could kayak, clear blue water as well so I can see down into the water at all of the nature around me.
Cooler temperatures but no blizzards...

Anyway I just feel like I have so much I want to do in this life and I haven't been able to do even a portion of it! most of my obstacles are financial. I love to travel but haven't been able to go very far in a while.
 David and  have wanted to move away for many years but there are too many uncertainties involved. We don't have any close family anywhere but in this town. New Hampshire? I'd like California. Michigan? It might be scary to go so far.

But when life gets dull and boring, you know that you need to change something. I want us to move to a different place.
Lack of proper finances means we will probably never go anywhere. But I can still dream of the world that I haven't seen.

I want to go to work so I can get a break!

I probably would update this more if my toddler wasn't always either 1. trying to kill or maim himself or 2. trying to maim and/or kill me and my computer. Yeah he likes all of the attention. I truly feel bad for my other two because I can't spend any quality one on one time with them.
Right now Joshua is climbing all over the couch trying to get on my lap and steal the computer mouse and smash the keyboard and leap off the edge of the couch. Yes, all at the same time. This is a constant thing! My nerves are shot, every day.

I love this kid so much. He is cute and adorable and sweet and snuggly and I am his very favorite person on this planet. I feel like if I get angry and try to properly discipline him that the one person (me) that he lives for is being cruel and mean (in his eyes) and the hurt in his eyes is almost painful. yeah, I'm not a good disciplinarian. I wanted this child so much. If I dare complain to David I get a sarcastic, "Well, you are the one that wanted another kid." So instead I just keep my frustration to myself.
I get very little time to myself. I cannot crochet since Joshua unravels my yarn and tries to steal my crochet needles. I cannot read, kindle or books, since he tries to steal and destroy them. I cannot draw or paint for the same reasons. I cannot kayak since he is too young to go with me. It is difficult to visit other people since he is always into everything.

I actually enjoy going to work so I can actually DO something without being followed or someone hanging on to my leg or begging to be picked up. I love to clean at my jobs. It's satisfying to actually be able to peacefully clean an area and have it remain that way for more than a minute. It's nice to sit down and eat without someone climbing on my lap or trying to take my food.

My work hasn't been calling me enough. It works out I suppose since David seems irritated whenever I do have a shift. Mostly because when I have to work it means less sleep for him and having to deal with three kids by himself. It can be tough.
But no money means I can't go to the eye Dr. and no eye Dr. means that I can't see because my contacts are all gone and all I have is a pair of eyeglasses with very old prescription lenses, so my vision is quite impaired.

I should have titled this, "All the ways that my life sucks and how I am responsible for my own misery." Yeah, if I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel soon I may just lose my mind.

....It's a mid life crisis......

I'm thirty-effing-seven. I have many years to go, I hope. But recently I have begun pondering a lot of things about life. I have three wonderful kids and a extraordinary husband that loves me very much. I am a healthy happy person. I have everything I should need but I struggle financially. Much like many others, but since I am only me I cannot compare whose suffering is worse. I can never just go out and get the boys new clothes and school supplies. I have to hope that my work sends some shifts my way. I am at their mercy, and summer isn't the best time of year for a staffing agency.
I wish I could have a new car, I wish I could take my kids on vacation, or even day trips to a neighboring town, or a nice beach in another city. Sometimes I even wish I could buy myself some new clothes or some new shoes or scrubs for work.
I always want lots of things and envy everyone else that seems to have life so easy.

I would like success as well. I see many former coworkers excelling in their lives getting higher and higher degrees and promotions. I see their close knit work environments and their friendships. Friends I used to have when I worked there. But many times when you don't work at a place those friendships fade away and become Facebook acquaintance variety.

I love my job. I work at a staffing agency and go to new places and meet different people all the time and it is awesome. And something not everyone can do as well as I can. Not everyone can jump into a new job and new facility in a moments notice and be able to do it successfully and I am proud that I can.
But in doing that kind of work, I don't develop friendships and meaningful relationships with constant coworkers. I guess it's kind of like one night stands, they are pleasant and fun at the time, but generally unfulfilling. Sort of.

I get lonely not having friends. Honestly I never cared to go out with friends and do a lot of out-of-work socializing. But I had my peeps at my work that I could talk to every day. I miss them very much.

I also wonder if I had a proper , stable home environment in my very vulnerable teen years if I would have done better in school or at least attended 4 years of college, or at least 2, while under my parents roof. Which would have made me more successful today.
My teen years were awful. My parents were at the end of their marriage and their lives were a goddamned mess. Neither of them could really give two craps about us at the time. They decided to divorce on my friggin' high school graduation of all days, which, of course was a depressing , rainy day. Thankfully, I had some good friends to rely on for support. Well, I survived it all to be a bitter woman.

I just wish I could go back to 18, knowing what I know now, and maybe do some things differently. Of course, I would wish for the same husband and the same kids, but maybe a higher level in my career field.
Go back to school? I definitely want to. But my financial aid always comes through after classes begin. Finances were a big problem when I was a teen. I simply could not afford to take more than one class at a time. And financial aid is a clusterfuck. They don't make it easy.

Damn, I wish life came with an instruction book.